Thinking about telling a friend-1st time talking

I've never ever talked about abuse before with anyone other than my therapist. I've even been asked directly several times as an adult by people who suspected that I had been because of issues i have and lied and said no.

I have a best friend who has even admitted being molested by a step-brother. She has a great family who stopped it, took her to counseling, and all that. I never told her anything about me.

I really want to take the steps and tell her about me, the abuse, and my disorders (namely only my eating disorders..the others will have to be kept secret). My fears are that:
1. She will be freaked out knowing im a bulimic
2. She will be freaked out to visit my parents knowing things that happened.
3. She will draw away thinking that Im in too much pain or messed up.
4. I will be freaked out by telling her.

Its amazing that I am eve considering this.. If anyone has ever told anyone other than a therapist.. how did you do it? How did you know it was time to tell? Is it too much to tell her about the abuse and the eating disorder? HELP ...Advise please !

esthersvirtue

Hi, i am a victim of sexual abuse as a child. I have only told one other person what happened to me and that is a friend that i met online on a message board 3 years ago. We became very good friends over the past 3 years and i think the main reason i was able to tell her about this was that i didnt have to do it face to face...if that makes sense? I think telling a friend is a decision that only you yourself can make. You need to ask yourself if telling will hurt or help in your friendship? I hope i made sense? Good luck to you in whatever choice you make.
Jag

I think it's time to tell when you feel safe with the person, and feel a desire to share your feelings.

One thing that might help to resolve your concerns about telling is if you tell her what those concerns are! Just say, I want to open up to you about this and I'm going to, but first I want to tell you why I'm a little scared to. I think that will help set your mind at ease.

Good luck! I think it will be a good experience for you. Keep us posted, ok?

I can't really tell you if it is a good idea or a bad idea. I don't know your friend. However, if she has been through a similar experience, I can't imagine that you would freak her out that much. I remember the first time I told a friend about what I endured as a child, and it was one of the best things I ever did. I gained a new best friend, and in turn he revealed that he had been abused. Telling each other our stories has helped us open up to other people, and even when someone does freak out about it (which has only happened once, and didn't by any means ruin the friendship) they generally get over it, or just don't talk about it, which is what you are doing now, so nothing much will change.

Really there is no great time to tell something like this, you've just got to go with your intuition.

Hope this helps, and please keep us updated on how it turns out.
*safehugs* (if ok with you)