First time talking about

I don't know what made me decide to look up a discussion online, but I thought I'd try it out...I'm not a complainer. I don't have an addictive personality. All I know is that I'm unhappy. The last time I can remember being happy was over a year ago and it was a brief moment. I know that times pass and it's not helpful to live in memories, I'd rather know that it's going to be better in the future. Right now, I don't have such high expectations.

I'm not looking for people to say it's going to be better, I just want it to be better. I am training for a marathon, so my exercise levels are high, my diet is good, I have good friends and family, roommates, job, the list can continue... but for some reason I just can't bring myself to be happy. I know it's a problem because all signs are pointing the other direction. At this point, I'm out of ideas on where to turn to make this turn around. This has been going on for years. I've definitely contemplated suicide many times, but I know I could never do it. My uncle hung himself from my grandmother's basement and I know what that does to a family, and I could never do that to my family again.

I wish I could find someone else to help the pain, but I've been in relationships, and like I said before, those times are moments and are the definition of momentary. What am I supposed to do? The more I think about it, the deeper I'm spiraling and I just want someone out there to be where I've been and give me an idea. I don't want to be this way, but I've grown comfortable being this way which is a problem in itself. My blog (which no one sees) is just a laundry list of variations to this post. It'd be nice to put something down in there... just one thing... I was happy today and I know tomorrow's going to be the same.

you have experienced a depression that much is ovious
keeping up wtih the good life style and thinking positive is very helpful

theres some truth to the self fulfilling prophecy

speaking to this community and leting it all out on the table can be helpfull

activly thinking positivly will help out a lot

think of it as the Placebo effect

I'm glad you have enough strength to not kill yourself. I've tried twice and had the intent many other times and I'm fourteen. I have mood reactive depression, meaning that I can feel different emotions but usually return to a baseline misery with low self esteem and self hate. I noticed I tend to do better when around people that make me feel good or thinking about them. Either that or concentrating on my writing. The Prozac increase seems to be doing something even only after a week. I've noticed some improvement as it is easier for me to laugh and smile. Do you take medications? If not, then perhaps you should seek a therapist. You may not need medicine but some form of therapy may help. Either that or there are lots of self help methods on line or what the previous poster mentioned. I don't know any of them as most of my coping skills are derived from therapy every Wednesday at 4:00 and my many stays on an inpatient unit. I have also divulged skills in this whole mess by myself.

Either way, coming here was a good move. There are many supportive people here that have helped me numerous times. It might help you...

Good Morning takseye.

Congratulations on your training. What your aspiring to do is not easy..

And neither is changing attitudes. Sometimes our own misery is like an old friendly blanket,,tattered and worn but with smells and memories that comfort us.

But for feelings to change our realites should too...Start small,,,make some change in your world that will bring different felings or at least birth them...

Like go to the local ASPCA and save a pet from a certain end. Gratitude will flourish in your world and so will smiles...

Lenny

I'm so glad you found psychcentral. This is a warm and supportive group of people. I hope it helps to talk about things. At least you don't need to feel alone any more.

Hey takseye,

What you're going through is quite common to what people have been experiencing, you're not alone, don't worry. ;] And I just registered today too! And like you, I have no idea how I ended up on this forum but yeah... I'm here now, lol.

I agree to what Psychotic_Phil said. Although the first person who can help yourself is you yourself, at this stage of discomfort and confusion, you cannot do it all by yourself. It would be helpful if you undergo therapy or some sort of professional help since they're the experts on that area. Like Phil, I also realized that I do better when I'm surrounded with my close friends or something, so maybe something similar could work out for you?

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>

Healthy lifestyle and suicidal thoughts. This is a slap in theh face to behavioural therapy. Wel, I add my voice to those who said you'd better see a therapist.