I have reach the end of the line....for me.. I don't know how to solve the problem.. except..the unthinkable..

I don't know what to do... I am being abused.. I have no safe harbour...no one to turn to... cornered...

My son.. 24.. on the 24th should be such a happy birthday... the golden one it is called...I wanted so badly.. to get a "golden cake".. to celebrate.. but.. I didn't.. because it.. would have ended up.. in the trash.. like last years.... forbidden... by his ex-g/f... therefore... thrown away.. hidden.. so as not to bring down her wrath....

My son... is also.... my ex-husband's son...

From.. the 12 years I was married to him.. then my pregnancy... and divorce.. thru the 18 years of raising my son... the strong parent.. walking a very thin line... controlled.. in many ways by my ex...always very verbally abused.. demoralized.. a "piece of meat"...

And.. I thought that I was FREE... a part of my name FREEWILL - means so many things to me...

BUT... there is a soap opera drama... way to complicated... to explain... the bottom line... is now.. I am abused by.. my ex-husband.. thru.. my son... and also by my son's..ex-g/f's mom... and his ex-g/f... since HS senior...

Going to the Body Work T... I see only one way out today... to.. do the unthinkable to myself.. to be at peace...

Helping my son.. is beyond me... I have been trying and failing.. for 7 years now... re-living.. abuse... by him... thru him...

and.. cutting him out of my life.. means... I break the promise I made to him.. as I held him for the first time...

I would rather not exist...

Is.. there anyone at all out here.. that can help me????

Perhaps.. it is God's will??? that I not exist??? do you think??? is that what God is telling me???
unwanted.. unloved.. forever.. abused...

[cantstopcrying]

((((((((((((((((((FREEwill)))))))))))))) No, I don't assume to speak on God's behalf, but I can't imagine that his desire is for you to end it. You have had such hard times in your life, and you are so strong for it. I'm so sorry you are feeling so lost and down and uncared for and--lost. I'm sorry your son is hurting and you are hurting for him and you. I wish your ex-husband would never have done what he did. It is awful, but there is a way out that is not the end. It's staying strong and taking care of you and knowing you are loved.

[JxnChosen]

You sound really depressed. You are worried about too many people. You are giving them power they do not deserve.

You say your son is 24 y/o? He is an adult. You can't make him what you want him to be. Whatever promise you made to him needs to be reevaluated.

As for his ex/girlfriend and your ex-husband, to hell with the both of them. Don't take the calls, when they over step their bounds you can tell them in detail how they can kiss your *ss...several times if necessary.

Sounds like you need to set up boundaries and defend them. Those boundaries are to protect you. You defend them.

Protect yourself, noone else will do it for you. Be your best friend, your protector, your defender.

Take your power back!!!