[Kiya]

I've never before had flashbacks by smell before. i know it is possible -or a smell will trigger a flashback (which i have had), but never just the flashback AS smell only. I know that I had had the smell of throw up in my nose all day ...sunday? monday? can't remember. then started painting so very VERY triggering scenes and the smell only got worse. I know that I have never before processed this particular age.... and I don't consciously remember anything of it only that is is BAD>>> bad juju!!!!
But this smell in my nose of throwup is pervasive!!! Still it lingers with me even today - started late in the day and I never did catch the trigger, but noticed that I was losing other sensations.... like color.... vision turns black and white. ANyone else have experiences with this?? anything i can do about it??

[Perna]

I use to always get mine by smell. It was so uncomfortable to have that feeling of having someone grab me by the back of the neck and jerk me back 30-40 years! I would have to figure out what the trigger was and how do you know when a smell is coming!

Lots of therapy and support helped me and learning to ground myself so I could tell when was when :-) I still remember walking into a library and getting hit with being in elementary school and the terror; I hadn't realized beforehand the library was a converted school!

It was definately disorienting and acknowledging that and reminding myself where I "actually" was was a big help. But it could be very hard, with having to manage the threat of tears or the fear, etc.

The throwup smell could be from meds, did you start anything recently? I know I drove my husband batty changing the bed when I got home from the hospital because it turned out the meds were wrecking my sense of smell and I thought the smell of the sheets were making me nauseous; he literally had to go out and buy new ones and launder them, etc. first and they weren't any better! Check your literal environment, not just your triggers.

{{{Kiya}}}

[lifeblows]

I've had two kinds of flashback smells. First there are the ordinary ones, the ones where I catch a whiff of something and that smell triggers a memory or whatever. You know, all the fun flashback crap. The second kind is really bizarre. Sometimes I will smell a smell that is not actually there as part of a flashback is occurring. Have had this happen a few times and while I know the smell is not really there, my nose really smells it. It's bizarre.

What's even weirder than that is I've had the same thing happen tactile-wise too. One time I felt something under my foot when I stepped in a room and I absolutely knew that thing was not there by my foot really felt it. Fortunately my T didn't think it was weird when I told him that. I was sure I was going to be sent off. I HATE PTSD! All the flashbacks and triggers out of nowhere drive me absolutely NUTS!

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by Perna

I would have to figure out what the trigger was and how do you know when a smell is coming!

YEAH!!! Exactly!!!!

The throwup smell could be from meds, did you start anything recently?

i have.... i had it everywhere i went in the house, even in school, and out side. it's in my NOSE!!! with the panic, i want to pull a picaso and take the nose off!!! But then it would still probably be there. and on my hand!!! No matter how many times i wash them. I started meds in april.... the one real change is that i started processing this stuff from when i was 10 - for the first time ever.
Oh and wouldn't you know it - in the painting my 10 yr old self (whose been processing) just finished- there's me, on the floor, throwing up... on my hands. Awesome.
all i know is that i have always HATED to throw up... like it would kill me. just like as a lil kid, I was afraid of the shower - not the people who hurt me in the shower. *sigh*. i guess it is time to really process this stuff.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by lifeblows

The second kind is really bizarre. Sometimes I will smell a smell that is not actually there as part of a flashback is occurring. Have had this happen a few times and while I know the smell is not really there, my nose really smells it. It's bizarre.

YEP! that's the one! it's driving me nuts.
what did you do to stop it from happening???

you know - i get that too where my foot or back feels something but there is nothing there. I spun around in the store the other day, SURE someone patted my butt or took my wallet - but there wasn't a single soul anywhere behind me, all the way to the back of the store. It's freaky. And to step on something.... yipes! I would have probably lept on spot.

[multipixie9]

i dont get it like you do. i actually have 2 good smell feelings. but i SO get the terror of throwing up. it took me until sometime in my 40's to be able to not panic at impending throwing up. water is another one. fear. i sometimes dont shower often enough to feel right because i do not want to go into the bathroom, the water and get wet. i am so sick of freaked out fears. its better than it was. it is much better, but i do hate it.

sorry you are struggling with this. i can say that when i am able to deal with something i get better. over time even much better. but it is hard when you are going through it.

today i got a reminder. things have not been too tough for a while and that changed today and i got the first harsh feelings of something from age 6 and beyond at home at night. i feel so alone. i wish i had a mommy.

hang in there Kiya. I hope this smell dies down and you can process what you need to in order to heal.

leslie

[lifeblows]

Kiya & Multi Pixie for you. I too am afraid of the shower. I go for weeks without taking one. Nothing has helped me with it, not even therapy which is making me really mad. It's one of the reasons I tried to die again last year, I was sick of getting stuck in the bathroom and not being able to take a stupid shower. I get really mad at myself for being afraid of something so stupid. Something I still don't even know if it is real or not because I can't handle the thought of that relative doing something like that to me. (I apparently forgot this for a very long time, then remembered when we moved to a new place a few years ago. Nothing has been the same and I haven't been able to take a shower since. ) Plus a psychologist said it was abuse, an evil psychiatrist said it was nothing. So that's just f**king with my head even more all this time. Like I didn't have enough. I thought I was the only one afraid of the stupid shower.

Kiya, I have never been able to manage any of that bizarre smell, touch, feel, any of the PTSD stuff. I'm so over it. I asked my therapist how to make all that crap stop but he wasn't any help with that stuff and didn't give me anything like coping mechanisms or grounding stuff I'm reading about now to help me deal. I quit therapy after three + years two weeks ago by the way.

Forgot to tell you the vision stuff sounds a little familiar. On a few occasions when I've had to get close to someone, I apparently black out for a second or two. I never know it's happening until all of the sudden colors begin to appear again. For example, one time I was talking to a woman and noticed something on her t-shirt collar, so I moved forward to flick it off. As I backed away from doing it all of the sudden colors began reappearing. I didn't notice I was blacking out briefly, but I've had this happen on a few occasions.

All this trigger/flashback stuff drives me absolutely apes**t & makes me just want to kill myself even more. I guess it never goes away.

[bchlyn]

[quote=Perna;820214]I use to always get mine by smell. It was so uncomfortable to have that feeling of having someone grab me by the back of the neck and jerk me back 30-40 years! I would have to figure out what the trigger was and how do you know when a smell is coming!

Kiya....perna discribed it exactly... for me the smell sucks me back and then my other senses seem to take over... sometimes the cognative is connected other times i can only make sense of it by connecting the dots... i think that they are the hardest flashbacks to deal with... please be safe... lyn

[Kiya]

Wow - this makes me realize some things like how lucky it is for people who can heal trauma young. I finally had to face my shower fear when i was 6. The events had happened when I was 3... but at 6 we were visiting some one and all they had was a shower. Having forgotten that my mom was one of the original shower abusers, i finally faced my fear by posting her right out side the room's door so if things got bad in there, i could scream for help. Turned out, nothing in the shower hurt me (go figure) and i have loved them ever since. Mind - I refused to shower or bathe for as long as possible (some things i guess we can't ever get rid of) but once IN the shower, I am like a Labrador to water - love it, relish it, take 30 min long showers. So i can see now that I am lucky that i had to face my shower fear early on. *small favors*.

i think that they are the hardest flashbacks to deal with... please be safe... lyn

I think i agree. With the visuals or feelings, eventually they pass.... but this smell on goes on and on.... and i can't tell what triggered it!

Forgot to tell you the vision stuff sounds a little familiar. On a few occasions when I've had to get close to someone, I apparently black out for a second or two. I never know it's happening until all of the sudden colors begin to appear again. For example, one time I was talking to a woman and noticed something on her t-shirt collar, so I moved forward to flick it off. As I backed away from doing it all of the sudden colors began reappearing. I didn't notice I was blacking out briefly, but I've had this happen on a few occasions. life

Life... yep.. that is it exactly. the body doesn't pass out or anything, but everything goes black and white to pure black for a second, then back to black and white...then fades back in to color. our minds are sooooo intricate. if there weren't so much panic with it, i'd be fascinated.

smells can trigger me too...... the smell of damp canvass gives me flashbacks which is not good as we camp at music festivals..... it takes me into a kind of trance for a few seconds, usually i can just think of something else ..... depends what state of mind I am in ..... also the perfume my mother used to wear yuk ..... makes me nauseous .....

Jx

[bchlyn]

the worst triggers for me is the smell of vodka (yes it does have an odor) on a man's breath... when i first became aware that it triggered me i had to figure out if it was alcohol or if it was after shave... sad huh... maybe it's a combo of both... and another hard one is the smell of fresh line dried sheets... just typing the last one triggered a flash... lyn

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((Jinnyann)))))))))))))

[Kiya]

(((((((((((((((((Lyn)))))))))))))))
be safe, k??

[Kiya]

I am still dealing with this... I can't believe it. At least once a day I will still smell throw up and i can't get away from it. it is effecting EVERYTHING; work, sleep, sitting, reading, studying.... Then last night i also had sensations to go with it so that I felt unsafe as I lie waiting for sleep. THen had fitful dreams all night long of sexual acts or people ....well... doing things.
will i ever be safe?!?! even when alone?!?!