[vrba44070]

I'm having trouble setting boundaries. I don't see red flags until it is too late. Then I become very angry with myself and the offending person or organization. I always set limits too late.
I understand that people who have complex ptsd sometimes have trouble setting interpersonal boundaries. We often don't learn about boundaries when we are young and so it is not second nature to set limits like it is with most people. Does anyone else have this problem?
I wish I could go into detail about my current situation, but I am afraid to. I wrote in my blog about this today in more detail, but I never tell anyone about my blog outside of psych central. So I thought it would be better to ask the discussion board about this.
Does anyone know how to spot right away when someone is violating your boundaries? I've been in therapy a long time and still am not seeing red flags until it is too late. If I could fix this problem with myself, I would be empowered.

[Miracle1986]

Originally Posted by vrba44070

I'm having trouble setting boundaries. I don't see red flags until it is too late. Then I become very angry with myself and the offending person or organization. I always set limits too late.

BIG
I am the exact same way.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm like that too
(used to be more so..)

[Kiya]

a good book i have found is "GROWING UP AGAIN". helps show why you have the bondaries you have, what kind they are, and how to become your own parent and rebuild boundaries. Good luck to you!!
Kiya

[vrba44070]

Thank you. I will get that book.

[Sannah]

Vrba, how long have been working on boundaries? Haven't you seen some progress, like now you can recognize a boundary violation? Whenever I have fixed anything it has always been step by step, trial and error, a whole learning process. You go out with what you have and what you know, try it, come back with your results, analyze, problem solve then try again. We are all so unique that our paths will be different. I will go to you blog...

[Sannah]

Just read it. You write that you become anxious and enraged. Do you think that this might interfere with thinking this through? Also, I am assuming that when this happens it sends you back in time and all of your anger and anxiety from all the past times floods you? If this happens it might make you feel like that small child again and then you feel all helpless and stuff and this makes it even harder to work through?

The person that you are having difficulty with, does she remind you of anyone in your past who you had trouble with?

[lifeblows]

Very good topic Vrba. That is a huge problem for me as well and causes me problems in all aspects of my life. I hate it. Wish I had good answers for you.

[nowheretorun]

ive had to learn the skill of setting boundaries as a requirement to better health for myself, and also a way to improve and create the type of relationships i prefer..

what is your preference about when or where another is allowed to enter your own safe zone?

you can choose for yourself what fits, and you are the filter of what comes in or leaves your safe zone... this gives you a massive amount of ability in creating the exact types of friendships you desire right now.. these boundaries can change, but to be safe, they need to be infallible in whatever particulars they currently are made of...

be strong about this... this is the foundation of your life... you can say no or yes to that which is your own choice... choose health for yourself first... do not allow others, named as friend or not, to disturb your need for good health... you will know when your boundary zone has been entered by your own sense of personal mental health... not feeling too happy? something has entered your zone....... peace and love always..

((vrba)))) To be truthfull I have problems with that all my life. I always put my parents first. Even when i was little.
I of course put my kids first as that is the right thing to do. But as they grew up I still had a hard time putting me first...ever....
I worked on some projects and that always came first....which is not healthy...
Back awhile I was taking care of my parents, running a biz, taking care of 2 kids. a house, there was no time left to be me...
I think I felt I deserved to be at the bottom of the pile as I call it... which is something I think that is taught over the years....when young...prolly called low selfesteem...((spelled wrong))
I do have a hard time setting boundaries..but getting better at it...
I still for what ever reason put everyone else first...........

(((((((((muffy))))))))))))))
ur so very important and worth all the world..u can have space too if u want..
i have lots of love to give to you..

((((((vrba)))))) i hope the book helps you and things get easier
keep urself safe

[vrba44070]

Well, I stuck up for myself and I think my situation is improving. I won't really know until tomorrow. I may get attacked by the other party for setting boundaries. So far that is what is happening with one person. But if that happens I know I am the one who is right. Of course there's the saying, "Would you rather be happy or right?"
The point is I defended myself. I feel better having done it, but I still can't eat because I am too upset.
I'm going to work on this in therapy.
Thank you everyone. I'll let you know tomorrow what happens. I'm afraid I will cry during the confrontation that I'm going to have tomorrow when I see this other person.

((vrba)) stand ur ground.. u can do this.. be strong for u and ur safety