[MacD]

I truly thought that once our home sold and closed, that my situation with my estranged husband would get easier, but not only is it worse, now the emotional strain of living w/my parents is adding to the stressload of both my children and myself.

Mom and Dad mean well, but lately Mom particularly is really being judgemental. She questions my parenting, subtly reminding me that if my judgement were that good then somehow "I wouldn't have been in this situation to start with." At least, that's the message I'm receiving....

My 8 year old is depressed and stressed out because, like me, she feels trapped between the "warring parties"....Mommy, Daddy, Grandparents etc...and bless her heart, she get's so many "versions" of who's right, who's wrong and it's painfully unfair. She and her father aren't getting along on visits..he insists on discussion topics that aren't appropriate like *his feelings for me *how much he has "changed"* how he wants his family back*how lonely and unhappy he is* how grandmommy and grandaddy are somehow to blame for all of the tension* etc...etc...

Sadly, he's using all the same emotional manipulations that made my life with him such a living hell....and i truly believed that i was getting the kids out of that situation - protecting them.

Financially, we aren't realistically ready to move out of my parents home......naturally, they don't want us to, convinced that if we leave their "protection" that daddy will just waltz back in and "get us back"....as a family, that is...(not going to happen, i can assure you).

But I'm worn out, hurt, angry and feeling like I've failed on just about every front. How can you keep going and believing that life is going to get better? Again, I left this man because we were in an abusive situation and I didn't want to scar my kids further...and i knew that i didn't deserve that life either.

So when the decision is right...how can the transition be so awful? It's as if i've traded one hell for another.

[kimmydawn]

i can understand your feelings right now, and i agree with ozzie. before, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. there is one now and that's you and your children's new life without abuse. try to remain focused on the light during this time.

if your husband continues in his "talks" with children, i would seek counseling for them and then bring that up in court. the counseling can help them deal with their feelings, separate and apart from mom and dad and the counselor would also know and be proof of the conversations that he's having with children and the potential damage to them therefrom.

you are a brave lady and i admire you.

be safe,

kd

well, i think change can be hard on a family even if you left for good reasons.... and this current living situation will not be permanent if you dont want it to be. just stay focused on becoming financially able to get out....
i am curious how the visitation schedule was arranged... was it voluntary or by court? do you have to see him on those days to pick up/drop off the kids?
i hope you have an attorney to help you through this...
in my state, divorced and separated parents are required to take a class about certain rules such as no talking about the abuse, no putting the kids in the middle of an argument, no talking or asking questions about the other parent, etc....
there are also certain limits on visitation if there is a history of documented spousal or child abuse.

and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel... you are in control of the switch to the light, more than you realize.
i dont mean any of this is your fault, i just mean that you are able to improve it.

[gloria]

Please don't say you have failed. You have put your kids first and that take a lot of guts.
Get support. Go to a support group, what you are dealing with is no easy load. Get help for your kids too.

There IS light at the end of the tunnel, it might seem far away, but it is there... stay focus and build a support system for you and your children through a support group, therapy, church or what ever works for you.