[dalila]

My brother has finally been able to get into therapy. He has always been more attached to our mother than I. He has talked to her about his therapy and issues. One of the biggies for him and I has been abandonment. So she called me and wanted to get some insight into why we have this issue.

Thrown off balance, I talked about how she used to tell me that she was going to give me to an orphanage if I didn’t behave. When she said she didn’t mean it, I told her that I had believed her. Then I brought up the time I was sent to live with my godparents and she immediately flipped it onto my dad. After all he was the one who left me with my godparents; he was gone on annual Mediterranean trips. . .

I have always adored my dad. He was my anchor in a world that often seemed beyond tolerating. As long as he was there I could steer a straight course in life and I knew someone loved me unconditionally. My dad is in Heaven now and has been for a long time, but he is still a constant in my heart and mind.

The subject has continued to run thought my mind though at the time I felt that it was not worth upsetting my mother more and changed the subject. I can remember being jealous of his second family because he spent more time with them than he had ever spent with me. He was in the Navy and was gone nearly half of every year as I was growing up. I feel a stirring of anger and sorrow that makes me nauseous and dizzy. There is a persistent whisper that I am mad at him, even furious and I cannot be. It hurts too much. Maybe the whisper is a lie and it is just the lost feeling that comes from having him gone so much and then my parents divorcing. I don’t know….

[dalila]

I saw my therapist Tuesday. She helped me a lot with this but she said that it was a breakthrough- I am angry with dad for his absences, or the little child within is angry. We talked about how being angry with someone doesn’t break or destroy the relationship. It is not disloyal to get upset with someone. My head gets it but my heart is still trembling.

It was an intense session over all and next time she wants me to bring a picture of dad in with me.

[chaotic13]

Dalila, I find it very difficult to be angry at my parents. At one time I was very angry at my father. Now, as an adult I realize he had a problem, he tried his best. I feel guilty when anger surfaces towards them. It is like the adult me can appreciate what they may have been going through and how difficult raising children can be, but the "child within" is angry sometimes.

[Midnight Sky]

I think one of the hardest things is admitting to yourself that you are angry with someone you love, especially if you can not talk to them about it anymore. But your T is right, being angry about something doesn't mean you are angry at them about everything or mean that you don't love them or value the part they have played in your life. Once you have admited something to yourself I have found they become easier.
Stay Strong

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by dalila

I saw my therapist Tuesday. She helped me a lot with this but she said that it was a breakthrough- I am angry with dad for his absences, or the little child within is angry. We talked about how being angry with someone doesn’t break or destroy the relationship. It is not disloyal to get upset with someone. My head gets it but my heart is still trembling.

It was an intense session over all and next time she wants me to bring a picture of dad in with me.

think of it this way. You said your dad loved you unconditionally...did he ever get angry at you? Or has anyone you know that cares about you ever got angry with you? If/when they did, didn't they still love you.
Then try to allow yourself the same release that you allowed them.
Just a thought