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Old Apr 25, 2009, 02:19 AM
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deliquesce deliquesce is offline
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i'm not ready to even consider having a relationship right now.

but i met this guy last night (friend's-friend's-friend) and we got along really well and just talked quite a lot (in a group). and this morning he got his friend's mobile & called my friend to ask for my number.

so i said yeah, cause he seemed nice and (thankfully) he's also my age (what's with older guys cracking on to me all the time?!) and i thought maybe i shouldn't just keep saying no to everyone out of fear. with other ppl who've asked me out in the past, they've either been too old, or too young (and i feel really sad for them when they're younger - because they should be hanging around kids their own age!), or i just haven't liked them. but i don't have any reason to say no to this guy other than that i'm really scared, and i'm going to throw up just thinking about this.

i dont know what to do. my last (and only) relationship was with a girl, about 3 years ago. since then, i've gone on maybe 2 or 3 'dates', but with people i had no interest in anyway - just went because i couldn't say no, tried to convince myself they just wanted to be friends etc.

i just... don't know what to do. i do want this (a bit), but... .

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  #2  
Old Apr 25, 2009, 02:33 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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sooooooo just go and see what happens - go and have a nice time out - you deserve it you may be about to make a lifelong friend - you never know till you try
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
oh crap, im about to get asked out
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #3  
Old Apr 25, 2009, 03:52 AM
Luce Luce is offline
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>>>i'm not ready to even consider having a relationship right now.

>>>but i don't have any reason to say no to this guy other than that i'm really scared, and i'm going to throw up just thinking about this.

That's plenty reason enough to say no, hun.

AND, you don't even have to have a reason to say no. You are under no obligations to this guy whatsoever!

AND if you do decide to go out with him, you also have the right to change your mind at ANY point in time.

Really truly rooly.
Thanks for this!
deliquesce, phoenix7, Pomegranate
  #4  
Old Apr 26, 2009, 04:52 AM
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deliquesce deliquesce is offline
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thanks for the replies, Luce & P7.

he didn't call anyway, and i'm starting to think maybe it was my friend's idea of a joke or something.

but probably good that i got brushed off, because i've been reliving stuff ever since. i wish there was some way of knowing that guys would be good, but i dont think there is. everyone's all the same, and i dont want more crap, so it's good that i stay alone.
  #5  
Old Apr 26, 2009, 07:44 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Sorry he didnt call but it sounds lie it was for the best if it triggered you - hope things are ok with you - take care P7
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
oh crap, im about to get asked out
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #6  
Old Apr 27, 2009, 08:21 AM
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Pomegranate Pomegranate is offline
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Quote:
i'm not ready to even consider having a relationship right now.
I think you answered your own question right there. Even though he didn't call, use this experience to decide if you really are ready to date or not. If your answer is truly no, then don't start something you aren't ready for and may trigger things you aren't ready to deal with yet.

On the other hand, if you do want a relationship - you need to be honest with yourself here - and feel you might be ready to at least start dating, then do not let fear stop you. Also if you do decide to date keep in mind that you will have more "unsuccessful" dates than you will have good ones. The good ones result in a relationship or friendship.
__________________

I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture
than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you."
Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure.
Can't stop you from praying and blessing me,
and if that makes you feel better feel free.
But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me.
And let's all respect each other's feelings.
With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
  #7  
Old Apr 27, 2009, 06:35 PM
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deliquesce deliquesce is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,124
he called, but i missed the call.
another guy also asked me out yesterday.
this is crazy.

if i am completely honest: i don't really want to date. i don't think i'm ready to compromise, do things like go out etc. but at the same time, i'm scared i won't meet anyone if i just keep turning people away.
  #8  
Old Apr 28, 2009, 04:05 AM
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deliquesce deliquesce is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,124
he called again, and i just accepted. it felt like the right thing to do.

so we're meeting on saturday, in a suburb that i love and am familiar with, and just having coffee, which is good because it's something casual and not too novel that i'll get scared.

please keep your fingers crossed for me.
  #9  
Old Apr 28, 2009, 07:37 AM
Auroralso
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce View Post
he called again, and i just accepted. it felt like the right thing to do.

so we're meeting on saturday, in a suburb that i love and am familiar with, and just having coffee, which is good because it's something casual and not too novel that i'll get scared.

please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Hi Deliquesce,

I have the same fears. only I've been keeping up not bieng ready for almost 12 years now. Last Friday in my dance class a very nice man approached me after class and we had a great conversation and he said hope to see you next week, He had been comming in with another woman .
Just the thought of what if he asked me out what would I do which may not happen ( he coud just be a very nice man and the woman he came in with coud be his wife for all i know .) regardless , even his friendliness triggered me into OH NO. tells me just how litte I"ve done to get ready .

Part of it is hangng out too much on the internet and not getting my life to where it needs to be.

what I do when asked and am ambivelant ( another word for scared S***less ) is I say .to them . I'd like to go for coffee with you but at this time Im not ready , Call me in six months and ask me again .

They don't call in six months . ....

You can also say. I'm open to just having a freindship where we have coffee and chat .

that sets the perameters for what you want and will give you plenty of time to find out if "dating" this person is feels comfortable (Dating meaning more emotional and physical intimacy. )

Try not to obsess too much about it....

This all sounds good in theory huh.. . .LOL!!!

I' trying to let myself just go out for coffee. That in itself woud be a small mirical.

Patricia
  #10  
Old Apr 28, 2009, 07:45 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Fingers crossed - let us know how it goes
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
oh crap, im about to get asked out
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #11  
Old Apr 28, 2009, 08:29 AM
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Pomegranate Pomegranate is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
Relax. Breathe. Just be yourself.
__________________

I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture
than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you."
Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure.
Can't stop you from praying and blessing me,
and if that makes you feel better feel free.
But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me.
And let's all respect each other's feelings.
With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
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