[zijax]

He got a new script today from his new Pdoc. He told him he just got out of prison for three duis and the Dr. still gave it to him for his anxiety and Ptsd! He's had horrible drug and alcohol problems just like me-we used together but we're sober now. The doc only gave him 10 (prn for a month.) Part of me WANTS one but I KNOW better. I talked myself into not asking for one. I have come too far. I have made it a year and two weeks, no drugs, no alcohol. I'm not going to relapse. He is snoozing in the chair. He looks so d**** comfy. I am a mess wishing for that chemical peace of mind. Better not to start. It's never just one anyway. One pill would lead to another one, then another kind of pill, then possibly a drink and one drink would lead to a few shots and a rock and a fifth. I abstain. More coffee please!

[Mygrandjourney]

Have you told your BF (and does he get it) that under NO circumstances is he to give you one, no matter how much you ask, beg, cajole, bribe, etc?
You might also encourage him to request non benzo options when he does eventually meet with his own p-doc.

[zijax]

That was his own pdoc. I set him up with him. Its my pdoc too. It was his first appt. If I tell him to not request benzos hell think I'm trying to control him. But hes been asleep for two hours now in the chair in the middle of the afternoon like he used to do and it's triggering me. I mean I'm angry. And I have self harmed, first time in six months.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by zijax

That was his own pdoc. I set him up with him. Its my pdoc too. It was his first appt. If I tell him to not request benzos hell think I'm trying to control him. But hes been asleep for two hours now in the chair in the middle of the afternoon like he used to do and it's triggering me. I mean I'm angry. And I have self harmed, first time in six months.

Are you working a program and do you have a sponsor to discuss your reservations and resentments with? If you don't, it might be a good time to get into it.

[kecanoe]

That does sound like an odd choice for a pdoc to give benzos to an addict/alcoholic. But they do that sometimes. My pdoc prescribed 4xanax a day(!) for me and I have been sober for 29 years. He know this, in fact he is also sober 12 stepper. He prescribed one per day, as needed for my husband who is also in recovery. I have no clue why pdoc did this, I spent the next couple of years telling pdoc that I was scared of the Xanax, and he told me over and over not to worry. And tbh it hasn't been a problem for me. For whatever reason, this former drunk is able to not use Xanax except occasionally.

But I also know that for some people it is a very bad thing. Perhaps his pdoc thinks that just 10 a month won't cause any problems.

I also know that there is nothing I can do to keep my spouse sober. If he is going to go out, then he will. All I can do is pay attention to my own sobriety. Meetings, talking to sponsor or other alcoholics, saying my gratefuls, working the steps. It does work.

I wish you well

[zijax]

Thanks. Yes my bf slipped on alcohol night before last. I read three things that have helped me in this; 1. don't be angry, 2. don't blame myself, and 3. don't give up hope. Just because he slipped doesn't mean he can't jump back into recovery. I have to keep going to meetings and keeping my recovery first. He is becoming more and more negative about meetings and not wanting to go. I can't get or make him sober but I'm not giving up on myself. I've come too far. Thanks everyone for posting.

[eyesclosed]

This is your boyfriend and he came to live with you and before he was there things were better now there not detachment is hard but it must be done get away from him or you know all that time u have being sober will be gone he should never came around with that if he cared for you.

[Moogieotter]

Originally Posted by zijax

Thanks. Yes my bf slipped on alcohol night before last. I read three things that have helped me in this; 1. don't be angry, 2. don't blame myself, and 3. don't give up hope. Just because he slipped doesn't mean he can't jump back into recovery. I have to keep going to meetings and keeping my recovery first. He is becoming more and more negative about meetings and not wanting to go. I can't get or make him sober but I'm not giving up on myself. I've come too far. Thanks everyone for posting.

This is great wisdom. Your recovery must always come first.

Hang in there!

moogs

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by zijax

Thanks. Yes my bf slipped on alcohol night before last. I read three things that have helped me in this; 1. don't be angry, 2. don't blame myself, and 3. don't give up hope. Just because he slipped doesn't mean he can't jump back into recovery. I have to keep going to meetings and keeping my recovery first. He is becoming more and more negative about meetings and not wanting to go. I can't get or make him sober but I'm not giving up on myself. I've come too far. Thanks everyone for posting.

I am sorry he drank. It makes me sad when someone is unable to keep their eyes on their HP and just can't stay sober. I hope he has already jumped back into sobriety. Many find it easier to get through that first few days if they already know some of the steps and principles. How are you doing?

[redstripe787]

if hes taking xanax hell be back on his drug of choice in no time... just because a doctor prescribes it doesnt mean its ok

[Erebos]

I hate drug envy, it's the worst feeling, and the quickest way to stress your boundaries and hit those triggers.
Your stronger than me, I would have to ask him not to be around me while he was using. It's too hard, I would wind up picking faults and trying to make him feel as bad as I would Be feeling.
I KNOW it irrational, but it's the nature of drug envy. (Sighs)

Stay strong, stay dry, your sobriety first all else second.

[zijax]

Drug envy...I've never heard of that! It's so true. I actually got the Dr. to get me some Zanax. Then I wound up relapsing. I don't know if it was because of the Zanax or watching my bf hide drinking 2 shots of tequila at the bar when I was in the pool room and then lying about it to me. Well I asked the bertender when he went to the bathroom if he had had alcohol and she said, "Yes, two shots of tequilla." When I confronted him with it he sid yes he was sorry. I should have left then and there but he said, "I wouldn't leave you if you messed up." I asked him if the shots made him feel good and he said no, God must be punishing him bc he didn't feel anything. Three days later I got wasted at a family Christmas party that I have to go to every year on Dec 17. I never drink at this party. It was so subtle, the insanity of the first drink, I went up to the bar, no one knowing my situation was there, all distant relatives I don't know very well, and casually orderered a ginger ale, Then it hit me, I'd have a bourbon with the ginger ale. I had a lot. My son drove us home early. He saw a glass of wine in front of me and eased me out before I did anything stupid. Since then I have been relapsing and trying to get sober over and over. I have 2 days. I've been in the hospital detox. I am struggling.