[LiteraryLark]

I have an irrational fear about pregnancy, and I don't know if I should seek help from a T for it. It's not an urgent matter because I'm young and I'm not even married yet, it's something that's really been bugging me.

I know that every single one of us is here because someone gave birth to us, so billions of mothers have given birth so it couldn't be as painful as I imagine, but I have such a low tolerance to pain, and most people I've talked to said it's the most painful experience they've ever gone through.

I'm bipolar, and my pdoc told me that if I become pregnant I have to quit the meds cold turkey. 9 months without meds plus hormones, plus irrational and possibly delusional or psychotic bipolar behavior. I could become suicidal while pregnant or have thoughts of hurting the baby. There's no room for "accidents", the meds could seriously hurt the fetus even in the first month of conception. There's also a chance I could pass on my bipolar gene to the baby, and if not, there's always a chance I could have another manic episode, and my baby will have to wonder why her mom can't recognize her or remember who she is.

My Dad's mom who gave me the bipolar gene was a horrible and delusional mother to my dad, and I'm afraid I'll end up the same way.

Is it so wrong to not want kids or would rather adopt because of this? I feel like I need to get over this fear, but pregnancy is right next to my fear of death. I imagine it as a nightmarish worst-case-scenario. I'd rather not carry a child.

[Stronger]

I don't think that's wrong at all. It sounds like a pretty legitimate fear to me.
And if it bothers you so much, then there can be no harm in talking to a T about it. There are also so many beautiful children out there waiting to be adopted and needing a place to call home, so there is no wrong in that either. I know that this is still a ways off for you, but I hope you are able to come to a peace about it, dear.

[healingme4me]

Just because your dads mom was like that, doesn't mean you would be, too.
Pregnancy hormones, who knows, could possibly offset, things and in a way of preservation, keep you, even keel.
Being mindful, could help, having coping mechanisms in place, a supportive other half. Sleep, diet, under physicians care, regular therapy check ups. Assuming you'd desire breastfeeding, would mean, off meds until baby is weaned.

At, the same time, it's good, to give serious thought to this. Bet your dads mom, didn't give, as much thought, as you are, without even having a baby.

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[Middlemarcher]

For a long time, I didn't want kids, in part because I was convinced my issues would make me a bad mother. I was afraid I'd repeat my parents' mistakes, pass on "crazy genes," etc.

I'm in my early 30s now, and have been in therapy for a while. I got into therapy in part because I decided I did want kids, so I wanted to work on my own issues before I have a child. My parents weren't in therapy, didn't take meds, hadn't really worked on their own stuff. I know I will be different. And I no longer worry about passing along genes or whatever, because I am learning to like myself as I am.

So if you think you want to see a therapist, do. If you want to adopt so that you can stay on your meds, that's definitely a viable option. You are young, and you have a lot of time to think about things and work on yourself.

I feel the same way, although for different reasons. I have a very (almost scary sometimes) high tolerance to pain so that part doesn't worry me…it's the whole having something growing inside of me that—let's face it—is a sort of parasite. Sorry, I don't mean to offend anybody with that. It's just that for me the thought of me personally getting pregnant is disgusting and wrong. And I'd probably have to go off of my highly addictive/horrible withdrawal symptom creating medications cold turkey…and I tend to become homicidal and a completely different person. So it seems completely insane to get pregnant. I don't have a strong desire to have kids anyway…I'm terrible with young children. I'd raise someone else's kids as my own or adopt and that just seems the safest. So for people like us, should we get our tubes tied at some point or something? I'd rather just have every female organ removed from my body. That would be great.

[feferock]

If you want a tubal and don't have kids they may make you wait till a certain age. Don't know for sure. Also do your research. I had a tubal when I had my daughter and it caused all sorts of problems which led to me making my doctor give me a hysterectomy.

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)

[LiteraryLark]

I talked to my gyno about pregnancy. She told me that medical advances today are better now because they have epidurals that numbs you from the waist down. She said it's still the most painful experience you'll ever have, but that shouldn't stop me from having kids if I want them.

So, what DOES childbirth feel like? Like how is it the most painful experience?

[unaluna]

Pushing a bowling ball out thru your hoo-hah?

[LiteraryLark]

How does this not freak people out?

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

So, what DOES childbirth feel like? Like how is it the most painful experience?

I had natural childbirth and I would go through labor and delivery ten times again rather than the first trimester fatigue and nausea.

I was in labor for twelve hours and had contractions every ten minutes which hurt similar to menstrual cramps. It was okay as long as I was standing. The severe pain of childbirth hurt about the same intensity as when I had a gallbladder attack and it was over in about ten minutes. I felt fine a half hour after my son was born and was walking feeling normal and even went white water rafting when he was three weeks old.

I think what would be painful would be a C-section after the epidural wore off.

But it probably varies among births. I've heard some people say they had a lot of pain in their back during contractions and I didn't have any of that.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Yoda

I was in labor for twelve hours and had contractions every ten minutes which hurt similar to menstrual cramps. It was okay as long as I was standing.

So what does it mean being in labor, what does that entail? Does that just mean the time your water breaks? Were you having contractions for twelve hours? How long were you pushing for?

[Yoda]

When the water breaks varies among women. Mine broke about ten hours before I had any contractions and I called my ob-gyn and he said to come in when the contractions were three minutes apart. So about 11pm the contractions started. Every ten minutes I had one and it lasted for maybe 30-45 seconds. Since it felt better to stand I ironed clothing for most of the night. Weird, huh?

I had a dr appt scheduled for 9am and took my shower and went to my appt with the contractions still only every ten minutes. The doc checked me in his office and said I was 9cm dilated and said to go right away to the labor and delivery unit and I walked about five minutes to there and then when they checked I was 10cm which is fully dilated. The poor nurse didn't have much time to do all the things she needed because I had done most of the labor at home and waited. The funny thing was my contractions never did get to every 3 minutes until it was time to push the baby out.

Some people are already having a lot of contractions when their water breaks. Some have to have the dr do it. When mine broke it wasn't the whoosh that I expected but just a slow dribble that kept feeling like I wet myself.

The pushing part was for 10 minutes and I didn't like that but if they would have let me stand I think it would have been alot easier on me. But they made me lie in bed on my back for the convenience of the doctor to see what was happening.

[Eliza Jane]

C-section wasn't bad at all. They give you pain meds and keep you comfortable. It sounds gruesome, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And it is kind of cool being able to talk and joke with the medical staff as your abdomen is open and they a jostling your internal organs. Lol.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Eliza Jane

C-section wasn't bad at all. They give you pain meds and keep you comfortable. It sounds gruesome, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And it is kind of cool being able to talk and joke with the medical staff as your abdomen is open and they a jostling your internal organs. Lol.

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus... uh, no, thats my breakfast!! i better get back to the old maiden ladies page! Wheres the cats?!

[LiteraryLark]

"It's like passing a bowling ball"...but like how?

I know this is one of those things you have to experience to really explain...but like how does it feel? I hear the head comes out first? Do you feel the arms and the legs come out too?

Why don't they teach this stuff in sex ed? All they did was show a woman giving birth and the baby popping out and it scared the crap out of me. Still does, it's like watching Red Asphalt. Those images stay in my mind forever. =[

[Raindropvampire]

I completely understand being scared. I know this is not a popular opinion and most people don't understand but I have almost a phobia of pregnancy. I can't help but think of it as a parasite feeding off what I eat, causing nausea and using my body as a toilet. It creeps me right the eff out. Add in that bipolar runs in our family and I've seen first hand the damage that my bipolar mother did to me and I cannot take the chance that I would be like her. I also would feel guilty for bringing another life into this already overcrowded world. So through luck and careful planning I've made it to 37 with no kids.

I wish you all the luck in the world in overcoming this fear if that is what you want.

I don't think that the fear is irrational. I don't know too much about the genetics of MI, but if I had a do-over, I wouldn't have had children (I was not diagnosed with depression until much later in life, and my son has it) I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Perhaps by the time you are ready to have children, treatment for MI will have improved.

Pregnancy is, in itself, much like raindropvampire says....we are human incubators.
But if you actively trying to conceive, then it doesn't matter to you. You focus on the fact that you're creating a life.

Delivery is hard. Uterine contractions are like cramps times a thousand. They get closer and closer together until they blend one into another.
When it's time to push, you feel pain and the pressure of the baby coming out. Nothing distinguishable.
This is with no drugs.

It really all boils down to the end result being worth the pain.

Post-partum depression hits some women hard (me). It's like the sadness of PMS times a thousand......you just have to watch the news to see how bad it can be (those are extreme cases, of course). Some women have no problems.

Just my opinion.

[RomanSunburn]

Something to consider... I read in a pregnancy magazine that research has shown women who are afraid of labor have a worse time with post postpartum depression... I try not to think about it, because if I think about it, I'll worry about it. Instead, I'm focusing on things I can do to make myself healthier/better prepared for a pregnancy and labor...and using two forms of protection in the mean time.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have children or wanting to adopt. You have to do what's right for you.

[gnat]

For me pregnancy and childbirth was quite traumatic. While I was pregnant I was always sick, I was scared, uncertain of being a mother, I had sciatic nerve pain when I was only a couple weeks along, eventually I ended up in PT. I went into labor on a Friday and at that point it wasn't terrible, it felt like bad cramps. It grew and grew until I finally went to the hospital Saturday afternoon, about 24 hours after going into labor. Everything hurt, not just my stomach. It hurt so much I couldn't stop throwing up. The hospital said I was too exhausted to progress so they gave me some drugs to help me sleep (I fell asleep for about a minute at a time between contractions) and sent me home. After a few hours I made my husband bring me back to the hospital that night and I when they spoke of sending me back home I refused to go. My son was born at 9:35 Sunday morning. I remember telling them, "You're going to have to kill me". I took drugs but they wore off before he was born. My whole body hurt while in labor and when he was born after just 25 minutes of pushing time they were amazed I got him out so quickly. I had total PTSD, waking up with nightmares I was pregnant/in labor for a year or so later, then I had two more boys and wouldn't change any of it.

My point isn't to scare you, but to say it is worth it. Labor is different for different people. I hear it's not bad if you get an epidural. For me my kids are worth it.

For you, well, if you don't want a baby, that's OK. There's nothing wrong with not having a baby if that's not what you want. Heck, the world could use a few less babies, but if you do get pregnant, you'll survive. I know some really wimpy people who've had babies, some had multiple pregnancies. We do it because it's worth it.

Oh, and yes, a fetus is a parasite by medical definition, but I love my little parasites.

[Trippin2.0]

I got pregnant at 19, I used to joke that my daughter's name should have been Contraceptive Killer because I was on the pill faithfully, used a condom, which tore and went for an EC the next day... Turns out the women in my family are just super fertile, only 1 out of my mom's 6 were planned, and only 1 out of 8 grand kids were planned.

The point of my rambling intro?
I was hugely unprepared for motherhood, not due to carelessness, but ignorance.

Pregnancy was a breeze, I was undxd but probably hypo the whole 9 months. I literally danced through the whole thing, came home from a 3 day no sleep (sober and clean) party the day before I went into labour.

Labour was mostly tedious, the first 6 hours I had almost no pain (like average type period cramps) but my waters had broken. Then by hour 8 the real pain came, although I have a high pain threshold and didn't even realize it because of my friends I thought it was supposed to get worse and said nothing. The hospital staff gave me a good lecture about keeping quiet but I assured them it was not as bad as whatever that machine was saying over there and that I didn't want an epidural.

I hit a snag though, I wouldn't dialate properly, contractions were 3 minutes apart and I had only dialated 5cm. Then the nurses started talking C-sections and I lost my shyt.

"YOU WILL NOT TAKE THIS BABY OUT OF MY EFFING BODY, I DID NOT WAIT 9 MONTHS SO YOU COULD ROB ME OF GIVING BIRTH!!! YOU WENT TO MED SCHOOL BLOODYWELL FIGURE OUT HOW TO EFFING FIX THIS!

My OB was called and she agreed to "fix it". Gave me a shot of pethadine and I slept like a rock. Slowed my labour down for a few hours and gave my cervix a chance to catch up with Jordan.

I was woken up at hour 15 by my eldest sister who said "sweety, wake up, its time to push"...

Took about 15 minutes and some swearing. I was tired, and hungry from not eating at all that day, so she slipped back twice and I got frustrated because I just REALLY wanted to sleep!

Honestly the only part of pushing her out that was bad was the crowning, when she crowned I thought my vagina was on fire, but once her head was out the worst was over.

I didn't tear, or incur any damage "down there", which everyone found surprizing seeing as tho I'm tiny and struggled to dialate. But I'm sure it has much more to do with the timing of your pushing...

When I held her for the first time she gave me this dirty look, as if to say "what took you so damn long woman!"

Soo, that's my pregnancy / birth story. It wasn't traumatic at all, motherhood on the other hand has been traumatizing, huge changes, huge adjustments, lots of second guessing myself.

I'm happy to report that I have been on the injectable, haven't had a period in 8 years and thus no pregnancy scares.

Keeping Jordan (my family booked a TOP) was the best decision I've ever made, she compliments me very well. Lol, by that I mean she's very emotionally mature, is really low maintainance and extremely conciderate. I struck gold when I was blessed with her.

She's 10 now, and I will only ever have another child if the stars align just the way I need them to.

Wow, I didn't realize my post would be this long, sorry I've been quite chatty this week.

There's nothing wrong with not choosing motherhood, but I think it would be a shame if anyone made that choice based solely on fear of the unknown. Its hands down theeee most rewarding accomplishment I have attached to my name, even though its sometimes also been the most challenging task I've been given, as I don't have a traditional maternal instinct...