How to recover...being a woman....

From an abusive family and survived from depression difficult relationships....I m now trying to recover the sense as a woman, but i feel it is not easy....
i was used as objects as a tool, if i want to sense a feeling a true sense instead of a tool, i need to find a door to that....
I used to put beautiful clothings cosmetics on my body in order to attract the males, but i dont want to do that anymore, i want to be a real inner peaceful and inner beautiful woman, i need to feel i m a real woman instead of a machine a programed doll....
I want to experience a true romance instead of a drama a fake story,
i want to truely feel the feeling to be praised as a pretty female and i want to hold on that feeling instead of shame,
But it is so difficult,i dont know why?
can i get recovery from this dark corner?
can i embrace life embrace myself again, can i truely feel the body as a woman and feel proud of her?
can i truely like my own face without make up....and also with make up....and how?
can i buy myself a good skirt to please myself and truely enjoy that ,
can i cook for myself and not feel eating is just a task to fulfill?

It takes time, effort, and professional help to get back into a healthy state of mind. Especially towards sexuality when one has been sexually abused. I have really struggled with accepting myself as a woman for MANY years.

Please reach out for professional help to get you through the anguish that you find yourself stuck in.

In addition to what Shezbut said... there is CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy). I have not tried it in earnest but from what I have read about it, it sounds like something worth trying for you.

I can certainly feel for you trying to find inspiration to feed yourself, cook for yourself. Not other people but yourself, and it is awfully hard. If you have a microwave, I can give you some suggestions.

Hamster's post reminded me of a book I have. It's a cook book for cooking for one or two from the 80's. It actually still has some pretty good recipes and ideas in it. But one of the things they mentioned was going out a buying fancy dinnerware in sets of one or two. And then treat yourself, just you, to a fancy (but still simple) meal. Light candles. Put on music. Enjoy your food that you cooked. Dress up the table with a pretty table cloth and flowers. And while you're eating, remember this is all for you. Just for you. Because you're worth it. Because you're beautiful, just as you are, and you deserve happiness.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. Sometimes it's hard to find your true place in the world, when your own family has treated you that way. But women can do much more than look pretty and cook and take care of the children and family. We can go to work, we can learn something new and do all kinds of things to feel we're much more than a face and a body for men's pleasure.

You have to start from the inside. I know it's not easy, and everybody tells you the same, but you have to love yourself, to protect yourself, to take care of yourself, like you'd love your child, trying to protect her and just wanting the best for her. You'd know she's not ok and she would not like herself, because she's sad and you'd know you have to start by making her forget her sadness and making her smile. Try to do all the things that you really enjoy, like painting, singing, dancing, even if you can do it only in the bathroom. All those little things that make you smile.

I've always thought that our families make a big mistake by treating us women differently. At the core, we are all human beings and not really different from each other, but from what society tells us. Try and feel like the person you are: full of love, full of sadness sometimes, full of expectations and dreams you want to make true. Try not to think of yourself as a woman, but as a human being. Then, think about what makes a woman be a woman, like compassion, strength, incondictional love, and then be the kind of woman you want to be. If you're tired of being an object, don't treat yourself that way! I highly recommend you try not to think of attracting men in a while, but instead try to attract yourself back to who you are. Look good for yourself, because it makes you feel happy, but don't pay attention to men who could possibly looking at you.

And always remember, that you have to praise, to respect and to love yourself, before anyone else can. If you want a real romance, start it with yourself. They say that, if you want to be the kind of person everyone wants to be with, you have to learn to live in peace by yourself first.

Good luck and don't give up hope! You'll see that , as soon as you can see yourself as the beauty person you really are, without looking at a mirror, you'll be the prettiest woman around

i think the key to a real love is to love yourself first, which is fiendishly difficult. i have found personally that when i started bellydancing, i was able to embrace myself as a woman, in a safe, all women environment. a good teacher will allow you to create a good relationship with yourself and self esteem.

it seems like you need to learn that you are worth the effort, but not so that other people can enjoy yourself, but so that you can. i suggested the dancing as a possible, because it allows you to focus on yourself, it makes you give yourself the time to do something that makes you feel attractive, teaches a skill you can be proud of, and allows you to socialise in a comfortable environment.