What's the worst part about being single? How do you cope being alone.

To me, it's a normal response when someone says that they're happy being single now because they were in a bad marriage or relationship. I. Am. The.End., why do you think no one would want to date you if you don't mind me asking?

Sometimes I look down on myself and think that nobody would want to be with me, but I know I have alot to offer the right person, and I'm not turning my hair pink, purple, green, whatever to attract someone. I meant that sarcastically, because I'm sick and tired of seeing women with multicolored hair and think how they found someone. I don't mean to offend anyone, trying to make sense of it.

I feel like just being me, plain old Deborah, isn't enough. I'd like to get the men's opinion on what makes you attracted to that. Thanks

Because I don't have anything to offer the right person.

I actually have brightly colored hair—bright fire red hair actually, so maybe that's not quite the same as pink, purple, etc., but before I dyed my hair, I was considered ugly. People made fun of my hair. After I dyed it bright red, everyone complements my hair and remembers who I am. I'm finally memorable and less of an eyesore. It's a nice thing to imagine that people are NOT that effected by looks, but unfortunately, it's not true. Maybe it's also the confidence that comes from knowing that I finally have something that is attractive about me and is memorable. Something that will cause random people on the street compliment my looks or be able to recognize me from somewhere else. I don't disappear anymore.

I don't think everyone should have/need bright colored hair...if you actually have something substantial to offer someone, and it's not something that you like, then you don't need it.

But for other people, simply changing the color of their hair can make them go from ugly and laughable to pretty and memorable. And that's more than I had.

I agree---plain ol' me should be good enough. I've stopped coloring my hair, trying to hide the gray. Let it show. Tired of hearing "how to look younger" in our culture.

Yeah, to each his/her own.....Want to find a partner, that's okay. Don't want to, that's okay too.

I wasn't referring to someone just coloring their hair red or brown or whatever, I mean I've seen half blue, purple, pink, orange streaks all in their hair. No kidding here. Is that the new normal these days?

Deb,

Do you feed your cat any dry food?

Yeah, dry food only, I don't think he likes can food.

Dry food is harmful and can lead to diabetes, kidney disease, and shorter life span. You need to feed protein-rich, grain-free wet food.

The reason I asked: I have three cats and they all greet me when I come home from work and in the morning when I get up! Well, I give them wet food on schedule - 3 oz per cat in the morning and 3 oz per cat at night, so there is never any leftover. That guarantees that they greet me!

Since you are feeding dry food, your cat does not greet you - your cat has 24/7 access to food, probably.

So for both of these reasons - to bond with your cat better and to improve the cat's health and longevity prospects, switch to wet food. It is entirely possible - one of my cats (they all were fosters originally) ate only junk dry food because his previous owner thought that it was impossible to change the cat's habits. The volunteers at the cat rescue agency explained to me that the junk dry food was like feeding pringles to adults every day.

So... eventually he started eating high quality wet food (as he had no other options)... and lost 8 pounds and is now normal weight (he arrived weighing 20 lbs).

My cat is almost 8 years old, I've had him since he was 4 months old, and have been feeding him dry cat food ever since day one and he's as healthy as ever, he still has alot of energy. I tried a can of wet can food, and he went over to it, and didn't like it.

The lady I adopted him from said he cannot have milk, which I never gave him. I just buy whatever is on sale or what I have a coupon for, cat food is not cheap, I usually have a coupon for Meow Mix or 9 lives. Thanks for the advice though.

Milk should not be given to cats because they are lactose intolerant - it is a completely different issue.

If so, I'd think it would be for teenagers. I think they can "get away" with it.

Lizard, I remember a post in some social group where you said you MISS your husband. If he was abusive, how can you miss him? And no, I'd never be able to find that post. It was awhile ago, and I don't remember what group it was in.

Just out of curiosity, why did you change the topic asking about my cat on this thread?

Because you reported feeling lonely. And yet you have a cat. Usually, people who have pets do not report being as lonely as single people who do not have pets. Pets are very important to humans, and even hospitals bring pets to cheer up their patients, as do hospices and senior housing establishments (and, they have been doing it for years, so it is not a new trend, and, therefore, I assumed that it would be common knowledge).

Since it was strange that you reported being as lonely as you did, and yet, you have a cat, I assumed that, perhaps, you feed your cat dry food, and, therefore, you have no ritual of breakfast and supper for the cat, and, instead, you just supply the dry pellets and the cat has access to them 24/7, and there is no ritual and no special time.

So I suggested to you that if you change that (which would also benefit the cat, and, although it is admittedly more expensive, the veterinary bills stemming from feeding dry food would eventually cost money as well), and, instead, develop a ritual, then your cat would greet you when you wake up in the morning, and, greet you again when you come back from work, and, as a result, you would not feel as lonely as you do now.

If you for some reason do not relate to that, I suggest you reread the story by Rudyard Kipling, from his series called Just So Stories, which you must have read when you were a child, as it addresses the importance of the relationship between the Woman and the Cat in full.

"The Cat that Walked by Himself" | Just So Stories | Rudyard Kipling | Lit2Go ETC

I did not in any way change the topic. The thread is titled, in part, "How do you cope being alone.", and I addressed that part of the title of the thread. I did not address the other part of the title of the thread, "What's the worst part about being single?", but I reasoned that if I were to stay on topic of one half of the title of the thread, that would not be veering off.

I love my cat and all, but I think a pet is still just a pet. I still want to have a life. I take good care of him, he's as healthy as ever, like I stated before. I was saying I'd like a real human to be with. My cat greets me all the time when I'm out and then come home. In the morning, he sleeps right next to me, climbs all over me as to say "wake up". Yes, I do hear about how pets can cheer you up.

What do you mean, no special time? I do spend enough time with my cat if that's what you mean. Don't assume I've read it, when I never even heard of that book. Most of the posts on my cope with being single, people were saying why they love being single, that's not what I asked. I was asking what they don't like about it. If you're happy with it, then great. Just don't expect everyone to be. That's all I'm saying.

OK, so you do have lots of special time with him, but still want to have close bonds with humans - that is totally fair.

I am surprised a person who has grown up in an English speaking country has not heard of Kipling, but if that is the case with you, you are in for lots of pleasant surprises and discoveries - just start reading.

I am one of the people who likes to be alone. I have been alone a long time now and I don't mind it. Occasionally, I do get lonely. How do I cope with it? I think of everything I would lose if I had somebody in my life. The freedom to go to bed anytime I wanted and rock myself to sleep. The freedom to watch whatever I wanted on television when I want to. Having to cook meals and clean up after another person. Give up my space. To constantly have somebody else around. Im just not willing to give that up. I have friends, not many, but a few, I can talk to if I need to talk. And you joked about the boyfriend pillow. I bought one recently when I was feeling the need to be held.

part of me is my insecurities. no man would ever want me because I am fat. that is what my mother programmed into me as a child. despite the fact that I have lost weight and now fit into XLs, I still have something about me that doesn't attract men. im scared. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. that's not the plan, but I also fear giving up my freedom now because I enjoy it so much. but I am agoraphobic too and never get out of the house to meet anybody either so how an I ever to meet anybody.

I also have purple hair. it is purple underneath and some purple streaks framing my face. the rest is my natural blond. I just think it looks cool and others do as well. I never did it to attract men since I never do anything to attract men. I never saw it as a competing with others statement. just something unique about me cause I am kindof weird that way.

Of all the issues mentioned in the opening post, not being able to talk to someone and the lack of affection are the hardest to endure for me. I'm pretty much used to doing everyday things alone, so I'm fine with those, although I know this is not how it should be.

I know that physically I'm not unattractive, but my problem stems from my lack of confidence. And this is the only part in my life where I have seen improvement recently: I simply try to be more open, to look like someone who is friendly and approachable and it works! OK, not always, but it's much better now. Last week me and my friend went out to a bar and several men came up to us, even to me personally! This was something that happened only very-very rarely to me before. And they weren't even the ones with bad intentions, they just wanted to chat with us. It helped to boost my confidence a bit.

(Sorry, I didn't want to brag about this, but it was such a new, promising experience to me, the forever lonely girl that I had to share it.)

I miss physical and emotional intimacy. Handyman stuff wouldn't be so bad to have around again. Part of who I am is nurturing and supportive and loving and I don't feel my whole self since I can't share that with someone.

I love being single. I'm a loner and I'm too weird and tomboyish anyway lol. Plus, everything goes wrong whenever I like a guy. The worst part about being single is people telling me there must be something wrong with me because I choose not to be in a relationship and rather focus on other stuff.

But... I miss :

-having someone to talk to
-physical intimacy (not necessarily sex)
-sharing interests and goals
-laughing together

There, I said it. lol. It's kind of a touchy subject for me.

An extra pair of hands would be great for tedious domestic stuff like laundry or grocery shopping. It would all go so much faster with two of us folding/sorting laundry, loading the groceries into the car, getting the groceries out the car and up inside your place, putting them all away, etc.

Same with dusting, cooking, etc.

Owl, let me offer a different perspective on that... my husband did not help with any of that. Matter of fact if he could make the job harder he did. I absolutely do not miss that. Another body in the house does not mean less work. Some times it means more work.

I posted a quote froma Miranda Lambert song in another thread that I think applies here too...

"The good ones all have wedding rings
And the young ones are just too dumb"

You're right--it depends on the person. But I'm making the assumption that the extra pair of hands would belong to one of the GOOD ones. In that case, it would be less work.

The mornings, the nights, the mid-afternoons

quote=Deborah35;3043239]To any of you single women on here, here are a few of mine. I'd like to hear from others:

sleeping alone

eating alone ( I love to cook, but sometimes I don't want to for just me)

not having anyone to come home to, no one there to talk to if you need someone. Married people have someone 24/7, but even single people need someone to talk to too.

no affection( giving or receiving, no intimacy) I'm a very affectionate person, so this one hurts.

[/quote]

I try and focus on what are the best things about it - having the space to do whatever you want WHEN you want to do it, eating as much food as you want without having to think of the other person (!), using the bathroom whenever you want, being able to decorate however you want, have in your home whatever you want. I could go on but i think the point has been made lol When i personally experience loneliness it's usually non-specific i.e. something that a pet or a visit from a friend would probably fix. If it's primarily the intimacy you miss what about volunteering more with animals or something like that - hugging and playing with a load of cute puppies and kittens all day long can't do any harm (unless like me you suffer allergies from hell). Nothing will obviously replace having a partner but the way i see it, being single is in most respects pretty fantastic - someone truly amazing has to come along for you to want to give that up. I'm sorry if i haven't been too helpful but i hope everything works out the best for you.