[Petra5ed]

I found out today I'm pregnant with a girl and feel utterly disappointed, and like a bad person for feeling so. I was expecting a boy, and have always preferred to be around males. I feel like I'm not capable of connecting with females, even though I am one. I know this is irrational, but I blame my mother since she was extremely emotionally abusive, mean, and crazy. I'm paranoid my daughter will turn out like her, that I will turn out like her. I felt that with a son it was a guarantee my child would love me, but I feel like my daughter will hate me. I was looking forward to taking my son to sports etc., I have no idea how to engage in girly things, I was never girly myself. I'm not looking for someone to tell me what an awful person I am, as I know already.

[unaluna]

I can so relate to this. I ALWAYS thought a daughter would prefer her grandmother over me. Now - now that its too late for me - im sorry i let that stop me.

[H3rmit]

I don't think you're awful. You're just self-aware. You don't have to be something you're not for your daughter. If she wants to be girly, she'll discover that and if you just accept her, that's great, I think. Maybe she'll be a tomboy. Seems a lot of us around. Lots of girls like sports and quite a few boys don't. I know you're expressing your fears, but not everyone fits the general trend.

[hamster-bamster]

It seems that around here, girls play soccer MORE often than boys. And there are other sports, too. If you dreamed of taking your child to sports activities, you WILL be able to realize that dream (provided the kid likes sports).

There are companies that produce children's clothing in gender-neutral colors (green, yellow).

[Trippin2.0]

I went through a very similar thing 10 years ago. I cried my eyes out for days when I discovered I was expecting a girl.


So no judgement from this side. Obviously


What helped me was changing my outlook, instead of tripping balls over the fact that she was infact a she, I tried to focus on being thankful that she was a healthy she.


Lucky the name I had chosen was gender neutral, so that didn't need to change.


First time I laid eyes on her I was hopelessly inlove. Screw her not being a boy


I was a tomboy from the get go, Jordan was born wearing a crown.

But as she grew older and I watched my little princess' personality develop, I found we did have things in common, we were alike in many ways, and could enjoy activities together too.


When she was 4 she made it her personal mission to teach me how to "play dolls"... Lol


It was adorable, but she's smart and soon realized I was a hopeless case, even though I entertained her mission...

Luckily, she's been very open to radio controlled cars and loves gaming

So I've bought her a few and we ride the cars like maniacs or enjoy some gaming together.


I'm not the sporty type, so I'm glad she isn't either. Wouldn't know what to do with that...

Anyway, I just thought I would share, so that perhaps you don't feel so alone, or so horrible about this...

And remember:

A baby, a young child is much like silly putty.


As long as you don't mold her into your mother, she shouldn't grow up to be your mother.

[ifst5]

There's no guarantee you'd get along with either sex as it still comes down to the child's personality vs. yours and don't get wrapped up in gender roles; not all girls are girly and not all boys are boyish. Be thankful that you're having a baby and look forward to all the wonderful times ahead; there are plenty of gender neutral activities you can do, get them interested in painting, animals, nature, science...it doesn't all have to be pink and princess-y. Congratulations

[JLarissaDragon]

I was disappointed that I was going to have a girl the only time I managed to carry a pregnancy to term. Then she was born and I immediately bonded with her and have loved her ever since. The birth of a baby is a miracle. All of the stuff we imagine seems to disappear once you hold that precious baby in your arms

Take one day at a time and you will fall in love with your daughter , learn from your past so the cycle of abuse end now so your child will never see it .
Your can do it I have faith in you

[Eliza Jane]

People make you feel like you have to say, "I don't care if it is a boy or a girl, as long as it's healthy." I call BS on that. I think most people secretly do have a preference. I wanted a girl, I got a boy. Still kinda bummed I can't get those cute little dresses, but, as others said, it seems to matter a lot less after you actually hold your little one in your arms.

Good luck on the rest of your pregnancy!

[indygerry]

I'm in the same boat at you. Due in January and always envisioned myself as having a boy(s) as I have a horrible relationship with my Mom.

When I found out it was a girl it brought up a lot of resentment, fear and concern-- all associated with the relationship I had with my Mom.

Here's the bottom line....

You are not your Mom and your daughter is not you (or your Mom). Our identity comes in part from our upbringing and relationships, but it is also influenced by other factors such as life experiences, self help work, and values and beliefs.

ALready you are conscientious of the relationship you do not want to have with your child. This is an excellent start.

One of the most beautiful things about humanity is our capacity to change. Just because you may have had a bad relationship with your Mom doesn't mean that this has to be perpetuated on to the next generation. You are a capable, aware adult that is able to respond differently than how you may have been taught or acted in the past.

As a woman, I am choosing to be happy to have the opportunity to raise up another woman in a new way, different from my own past. I hope to empower her, teach her self respect and respect for others. I am choosing to see the birth of a girl not as a recycling of the past but a new opportunity and a new entirely different and separate experience.

Hope this helps and try not to over think things as your pregnancy develops.

[norwegianwoman]

Is it really you who are disappointed, or are you affected by society's expectations of what a little girl is? Because enforcing those expectations on a child is a horrible thing to do, yet a lot of us do it without thinking. Your daughter can be more of a sports lover than any son you would ever have. These things have nothing to do with what we have between our legs, it has to do with 1) our personalities and 2) our upbringing/socialization, what we are encouraged to do as we grow up. I don't think men are more interested in sports than women, I just think they are encouraged more to play sports and adults just assume they are more interested and thus put them more in contact with it. There are thousands of great female athletes in all fields.

So, yes, in my honest opinion you should feel a bit bad for being disappointed, but instead of making yourself feel bad about it, let it be an opportunity - an opportunity for growth, for bringing a beautiful person into the world who will live her life not forced into societal gender roles, but simply be herself because you let her and support her and don't treat her any differently than you would a son.

And, having a child the same sex as you can also be a good thing when it comes to more intimate issues - if she has questions about sex, menstruation etc. you will know what to answer, whereas a male parent would not to the same extent. That will also bring you closer in a way.