[Ms.Beans]

So, as the title says..
I'm 28yo, everything is more or less okay in my life (as much as it can be for someone with bipolar ha). Anyhow, I've noticed in the recent years I can't have sex unless I'm drunk or high. I've had a couple of long-term relationships, and the last one really messed my sexy things. We didn't have sex for 7 months (in a row) out of 2 years due to his emotional issues. So, for the last 2 years or so I can't relax.. I can ever have sex only when I'm intoxicated, otherwise I either don't get horny or literally freak out.
Has anybody experienced that? It doesn't seem healthy.

[LiteraryLark]

We are in the EXACT same boat. I'm 22. I've had 5 sexual experiences and I've never been able to come, but the only time it has ever been physically pleasurable for me was after I had been drinking. Is it a bad thing? It can be. At least, to start. I think it's okay to drink and have sex because it loosens me up and relaxes me and helps me enjoy it, and of course I remember it afterward, there would be no point to do it if you won't remember it. But maybe once you become in a stable relationship, start off with the drunken encounters and then ease off into focusing on what makes you tick and exploring each others bodies.

But that's my two cents, considering we are both in the same position. Hope this gives you some ideas.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Ms.Beans

So, as the title says..
I'm 28yo, everything is more or less okay in my life (as much as it can be for someone with bipolar ha). Anyhow, I've noticed in the recent years I can't have sex unless I'm drunk or high. I've had a couple of long-term relationships, and the last one really messed my sexy things. We didn't have sex for 7 months (in a row) out of 2 years due to his emotional issues. So, for the last 2 years or so I can't relax.. I can ever have sex only when I'm intoxicated, otherwise I either don't get horny or literally freak out.
Has anybody experienced that? It doesn't seem healthy.

Sounds like the chronic rejection from your most recent relationship has certainly created some wounds. There is a certain level of detachment in coupling while intoxicated, allows one to be physically present and emotionally somewhere else.
Intimacy while sober with the right partner can be a rewarding experience. As far as the big(and little o's)O, having someone safe to be with to take you there, is something to consider in your next relationship.
I, personally, wouldn't tolerate withholding behavior. There's valid reasons, then there are games and control.

[Curry]

My ex had a headache a lot, or new sex moves that he had mysteriously learnt, or he wanted to make love from behind, with no kisses or caresses. All said, I love to make love. I don't think I have really good moves, but I like the intimacy of touching massaging, caressing, laughing, and telling fantasies. I was hesitating but then recently had a fun night with a dear friend. He has been helping me sort out my emotions that get entangled with my upcoming divorce. My friend was an expert at making love - it was like a wonderful interesting sporting event. If we try again, I would like to show him how to make me come and I would like to ravish him with some games and lots of eye contact. It seems like there are a lot of levels in making love, kind of like different conversations and combinations of mind body and heart. I think the most fun with my body starts with me.

[Ms.Beans]

thanks for your replies! It's good to know I'm not alone
Perhaps when I'm ready for a new relationship, it's something I'll have to work on. It just seems so odd :/

[Curry]

I always pay attention when my body is telling me something my mind doesn't want to acknowledge. I don't have a choice in listening because I start eating when I have a problem and I get fatter and fatter until I stop and say "Okay" what am I missing that is important. I have been searching for a balance my whole life, an integration of mind body and soul. So far I have gotten to the level of chubby looser, but then I remember I am not actually trying to climb to the top of anywhere, I am just trying to remember that I am just fine being me.