[JessLynn]

There were three occasions on which I'm still not sure if I was sexually assaulted in some form. I think that as women we are taught to expect these kinds of things and that, because they are 'expected', they are okay. However, I felt these things were not okay. I never spoke up for myself at the time and back then even thought 'relax, that wasn't so bad, you're overreacting'. But as I've grown up and become more of a confident woman who is not afraid to stand up for myself, I have to ask this question. Was I sexually assaulted?

Instance #1 was with someone who was my girlfriend at the time. We were teenagers and we had been somewhat intimate with each other (touching, making out, half naked, but I've always been prone to panic attacks when it comes to the lower regions). I was being boring at the time, watching a concert DVD in the living room, and she was begging me to get naked and take a shower with her. I was really nervous about it and I didn't want to. I said I was uncomfortable with it, but she kept begging me and I felt like a horrible girlfriend for saying no. I felt that I was being boring and she wasn't going to be interested in me anymore if I didn't do it. So after she had pleaded with me time and time again that day, I said yes because I felt so guilty and like she was going to dump me otherwise. I felt sick while we walked upstairs to the shower, and the whole time I kept pulling her hands away from me. She was gentle, and she didn't push me to do anything more. When she realized truly how uncomfortable I was she said she would just wash me. I just wanted to get out.

Instance #2 was with a neighbour in my basement. She was only a couple years older than me but much bigger than me. The pull out couch had been made into a bed because we were watching movies, but she grabbed me and pinned me to the bed. She tried to make out with me but I struggled a lot, and she just laughed. I told her to get off and that I was serious but she just held my wrists tighter above my head. I don't really remember how but I wiggled one of my wrists free and started bashing her head with a DVD case because it was the closest thing I could grab. She finally got off and didn't actually do anything further to me. Is that still sexual assault?

Instance #3 was with the same neighbour. I was at her house over night sleeping in her bed with my back to her and she kept wiggling closer to me, and slipping her hands underneath my shirt and onto my breasts. I kept pulling her hands away, but she kept putting them back on my breasts. I was really uncomfortable and wanted her to stop, but no matter what she just kept touching me. I have been socially anxious and painfully shy my whole life and I know it's no excuse for not saying anything, but I didn't actually speak up for myself. I just kept trying to move her hands away from me.

If someone could let me know if I'm just overreacting, that would be fantastic.

I feel that I should also add that I have questioned whether or not I may have ever been sexually assaulted in the past, maybe due to these experiences, but also maybe due to something I don't remember at all occurring in early life? I've been asked by my mother if I've ever been touched inappropriately, and have also been asked by my therapist during sessions where she began to suspect. I started touching myself at a very young age, around six years old, and I started acting out things like being "in pain" while touching myself. It's only as I've aged that I've questioned this because I have no memory of sexual abuse before the specific occurrences that I mentioned here. I have also always had an aversion to men and am terrified of any kind of penetration. Even as a teenager I had extreme panic attacks trying to use tampons.

[kaliope]

I am sorry you have to face these struggles.in instance #1 i have to say no. it was an uncomfortable situation in which you felt and enormous amount of pressure to do something you didnt want to do, you did make a choice and she didnt do anything in the end. while it isnt the best to take advantage of someone in a romantic situation in this way, assault is still a strong word in this situation. #2 and #3 are both assaults. you dont describe any type of sexual situations taking place, no huggy, kissy, datey romance going on like in situation 1 to imply that intimate touching was on the table and she just jumped in and took what she wanted in a sexual way without your consent. anybody touches you in any way without your consent it is considered assault.

i understand what you are going through. i have often found myself in tears in sexual situations in the past from the very beginning. just in a frozen state as people have touched me until i break into tears. i often wondered what was wrong with me. the other stuff too from the time i was six as well. now working on my ptsd with dissociation, putting together all the fragmented pieces, and talking with my sister, god rest her soul, it turns out i was sexually abused by my brother when i was young. it all makes sense now. this is something to really be honest with t about.

[JessLynn]

Thanks for your feedback. I'm sorry about what you went through <3

[Artchic528]

I am truly sorry you've had such experiences. It's tough when you have such strong fear and even repulsion towards intimacy and sex and even more so when you don't know where it stems from.

Jess, maybe you've had an awful experience with being molested as young child and have since repressed the traumatic incident as a means of protecting yourself. I can't say for sure as I don't know what your childhood was like but I don't think it's something you've developed purely by yourself.

With that said, I give you my best wishes and a long distance hug to help you feel better.

[brokenandalone1234]

#1 is not considered sexual assualt but 2 and 3 are. I have a similar story to this but I was 16 and the guy was 26. He molested and raped me. I only say both because in one instance there was sex involved the other was just him touching me in a sexual manner. It happened to be the guy was the brother in law of the guy I was dating at the time. The rape happened with my ex boyfriend in the room and he was also doing sexual things to me while his brother in law was raping me. I was forced into a threesome. My ex apologized for it and me being the young and stupid 16 year old I was I gave him a second chance(we were dating when both these stories took place). Well the second instance that happened was the molestion and my ex boyfriend was not around and didn't know it was happening. I went to hang out with my ex boyfriend at his house. Well my ex boyfriend had to be somewhere with his sister and his brother in law but his sister had to go somewhere before they could leave. Well when she got back her husband asked her if she would take me home and she said no so he decided he would take me home. Well we get in the car I was scared but figured nothing would happen as my ex told me he would make sure it didn't. Well his brother in law to my ex he couldn't go to take me home. We get away from the house where I was not able to say anything to my ex and his brother in law goes I only acted like I didn't want to take you home so I could get you alone. He pulls in behind this house that the company he was working for was working on at the time. He tried to get me to do things to him and to let him do things to me I told him no and he forced himself on me. He touched me and i just wanted him to stop. Well years later I get a call from my ex and his sister and they told me that another one of my ex's previous girlfriends had made accusations that his brother in law had done the same things to her. Well I told them yes he did it to me too and they were like well he said it didn't happen so your lying. I was thinking are you stupid of course he would say that. It has been ten years since this all happened and I still deal with the problems caused from this.

[loveyouhun]

I was sexual assault when I was a teenager. When I was in elementary school I became friend with a girl and we were playing Dr. She had boys hiding in the closet. I was shock and mad as hell. When I was in High school boys always want to have sex with me. First I would say "yes" then "no". They kept begging me. I would always try to skip gym. I was ashamed to get undress with other girls in the locker room. I think I was assault but not really sure. I talked to my therapist and most said "no" except one said I might had been. I would really like to know if I was or wasn't. Can anyone relate to this?

[Lost_in_the_woods]

to all here. To the OP. You do seem to have symptoms of childhood sexual abuse. when we are hurt at a young age because we are so physically helpless the only option for escape from our abusers is thru our minds. We have fluid minds that can dissociative easily so that is the defense often employed. Any memory of what happened is compartmentalised and locked as far away as possible...oceans away. There are 2 schools of thought for treatment regarding Early childhood abuse. The first is the analytical approach that theorises that the only way to be whole and truly heal is to unlock, relive, and finally give voice and healing to the suffering inner child. This is a very long and difficult process. Only you with your therapists input can decide if this is nessecary for you to heal. I would suggest asking your therapist for some literature the process and tools employed. The 2nd school of thought is a more modern approach that focuses on the current trauma symptoms. It employs a combination of therapies usually cbt and or dbt, exposure/ desensitisation, emdr, and ggroup based support and therapy. Depending on your needs and the therapist's thoughts on your case not all of these will nessecarily be used. Really it is your decision whether or not you want to know. But either way or both if you choose are benefical in healing trauma. I hope your therapist is working with you on safety skills tho... Cuz from personal experience, the more trauma that piles up the more difficult, and in my case bizzarre it is untangle. Be Safe

[brokenandalone1234]

Originally Posted by brokenandalone1234

#1 is not considered sexual assualt but 2 and 3 are. I have a similar story to this but I was 16 and the guy was 26. He molested and raped me. I only say both because in one instance there was sex involved the other was just him touching me in a sexual manner. It happened to be the guy was the brother in law of the guy I was dating at the time. The rape happened with my ex boyfriend in the room and he was also doing sexual things to me while his brother in law was raping me. I was forced into a threesome. My ex apologized for it and me being the young and stupid 16 year old I was I gave him a second chance(we were dating when both these stories took place). Well the second instance that happened was the molestion and my ex boyfriend was not around and didn't know it was happening. I went to hang out with my ex boyfriend at his house. Well my ex boyfriend had to be somewhere with his sister and his brother in law but his sister had to go somewhere before they could leave. Well when she got back her husband asked her if she would take me home and she said no so he decided he would take me home. Well we get in the car I was scared but figured nothing would happen as my ex told me he would make sure it didn't. Well his brother in law to my ex he couldn't go to take me home. We get away from the house where I was not able to say anything to my ex and his brother in law goes I only acted like I didn't want to take you home so I could get you alone. He pulls in behind this house that the company he was working for was working on at the time. He tried to get me to do things to him and to let him do things to me I told him no and he forced himself on me. He touched me and i just wanted him to stop. Well years later I get a call from my ex and his sister and they told me that another one of my ex's previous girlfriends had made accusations that his brother in law had done the same things to her. Well I told them yes he did it to me too and they were like well he said it didn't happen so your lying. I was thinking are you stupid of course he would say that. It has been ten years since this all happened and I still deal with the problems caused from this.

I found out two weeks ago my ex's ex brother in law is now sitting in a Kentucky jail waiting to be tried for rape and molesting of other young including my ex's niece was who was his ex brother in laws step daughter. May be the pos will pay for what he did to me and other girls