Sex / Rejection / Sad

Rhap,

I love that thing you wrote, it's beautiful.

Yeah I kinda see more where you coming from. Do you think if your hubby was a bit more obvious about his love for you (telling you, buying you flowers and all the romance stuff) you'd feel better about the sex thing, since he was showing his love in other ways?

My bf's discovered recently that a sure way to make me feel a lot more secure about our relationship (I'm insecure quite often), is to hold my hand when we're in public together and whisper something sweet in my ear, like that he loves me or that I'm beautiful or something. OK, so it doesn't compensate for sex exactly, but if you work on the security thing, that might help the sex thing.

In addition, apparently men adore confidence in women in the bedroom, so if you're more secure in your relationship, it might (repeat: might- this is just an idea) make him feel in the mood more often.

Good luck anyway :-)

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meander said:
Do you think if your hubby was a bit more obvious about his love for you (telling you, buying you flowers and all the romance stuff) you'd feel better about the sex thing, since he was showing his love in other ways?

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Yeah - I know it would defiantly help - it has before...... then I wouldn't need ( or want) so much from him sexually for I would be receiving LoVE in other ways from my husband.

I just know when every thing else was once going wrong and falling apart around us in the past - we always had the LoVe and Security that Sex would give us, but now -

Oh - I have no problem with being confident in and out of the bedroom - it is being able to get him to be sexually willing when the mood hits me - lol.
.... we have always had a very satisfying and experimental sex life.

Experimental.....maybe you could try suprising him with something you haven't tried yet?

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Raynaadi said:
Experimental.....maybe you could try suprising him with something you haven't tried yet?

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Hmm -

Well after 21 years of marriage and 24 years being together in all - I am not sure there is any thing leftto do, except for a little BSMD or an Orgie..... and I am not really up to either one of them - Yuck! Nope. Nope.



......................................... Any Ideals?

Hmmm yeah.....true true.

I don't know.....maybe the approach to sex? Like in the middle of the evening watching tv instead of at night going to bed? Like a suprise kinda deal? I don't know....I've been thinking about doing that myself.....

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Raynaadi said:
maybe the approach to sex? Like in the middle of the evening watching tv instead of at night going to bed?

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Oh NO! and disturb his TV viewing after him working hard all day long (he would not have any of that) -

BTW - I like SEX any time of the day or hour......... it is not just for bed time any more -

I have learned that just going for it does seem to get better results than when I mention sex to him (and) in the middle of the night when he is half a sleep ....... in this case it is best not to ask for permission - lol.

I hear ya about the tv. My bf's job is VERY stressful, in fact I ask every now and then if he'd rather have the evening to himself. He always wants me over though, he likes just having me snuggling with him. But I know he winds down to the tv so I'm always leary of just initiating. I even asked him once what he would do if I just jumped him on the couch, and he said it would depend on how tired he was from the day. But there have been times when he's exhausted and I'll think its completely out of the question and then I'm taken by suprise and he's kissing me on the couch and before I know it we're in bed.

I guess I pretty much leave it up to him. His days are much more stressful than mine are. At first I was feeling really bummed out about it but I've just moved into more of the understanding phase with him. We're in contact througout the day and I know the kind of stressors he puts up with. (He's site director for a mental health agency.)

So I've quit trying to push the issue. I enjoy it even more now when we do have sex because its been building haha! Weekends are pretty much guaranteed. But during the week its iffy.

So yeah, at least we understand each other on the tv front!

I've never had this experience, and maybe I shouldn't post here since I'm now abstainent from sexual relationships for three years. In the past, however, I was always the on saying "no!" or giving excuses. I can say honestly, though, from having done so, that it was because I didn't feel love for the person.
Patty

I did that in the past too, especially with my last ex. And for me that was it. I never wanted it AT ALL because there wasn't that kind of love. So there came the excuses and the no's.

I don't think that's in in Rhapsody's case, or with my boyfriend either.

I think in this case its just a "not in the mood right now" not an "I don't love you don't touch me" kind of thing.

At least thats what I hope.

Though that thought has crossed my mind with bf, those old insecurities and my old behavior.

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Raynaadi said:
I don't think that's in in Rhapsody's case, or with my boyfriend either.

I think in this case its just a "not in the mood right now" not an "I don't love you don't touch me" kind of thing.

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You are correct in this case of the "No to Sex" thing - and I also think it is a little of male pride - needing to be in control kind of thing.

Hmmmm, yes that could definitely be part of it too. Thought men do say sometimes that they like it when women initiate? Hmmm, IDK!

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Raynaadi said:
Hmmmm, yes that could definitely be part of it too. Thought men do say sometimes that they like it when women initiate? Hmmm, IDK!

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Not so much control in the bedroom / with sex..... but rather control over all - with in thier life and emotions, sex just happens to fall in there some where.

I just wanted to thank every one for their support and to let you know that all is going well with me right now on this subject....... with hubby coming around and with me just deciding to GO FOR IT after reading the replies in this thread - I AM but once again SATISFIED --------- for now.

I know this problem will probably occur again (as it has off and on for the last few years) - but this time I know I have a friendly place to come to in my emotional time of need - THANKS!!!

(((( Rhapsody ))))

Whooo hoooo!!!! Happy for you hon!