conflicted about Casual Sex

I am a middle aged female and have been craving sex like crazy lately. I'm on a dating site and have been talking to a nice guy who I know I'm not interested in long term, but I am interested in for a casual hook up. The problem is that I've never done this before and while I'm craving sex like you wouldn't believe I'm afraid that if we meet up and have sex that I'm going to feel bad about myself afterwards. On the other hand, I know that you only live once and having casual sex is on my bucket list since I've never done it before.

I guess that what I'm looking for is some reassurance that this is normal, lots of people do it and that not every person on these dating sites is a murderer! Also would love to hear from others that have had similar experiences and if they were glad they acted on it or if they have regrets.

Thanks in advance

I have met 2 men on a dating site, (well 2 different sites)...unfortunately I have found that I'm not able to do the casual thing so much like I did when I was a teenager. I thought I could. Not that it feels bad physically, it feels really good...I just ended up really liking one of the guys a lot so seeing the second guy kind of felt like cheating. even though the first guy and I don't have an established relationship (no exchange of decoder rings, or professions of undying like) we have been seeing one another since march. the second guy I just met a couple of weeks ago. he's alright, just...we didn't click outside of bed so much.
I do say however, go for it and have fun...just be really careful and don't bring them to your home. Meet in public for dinner or something first. I split the cost of a decent hotel (safer than roach hotel) with my guy. nothing with doors on the outside of the building! like a hampton inn or something like that.

I am happily married, but if one day I become single again, at that age, I would definitely do whatever I feel like it, as long as it is safe, fair, and nice for everyone. Monogamy, after all, is only a personal choice. So much social pressure has been put on women unnecessarily in order to control them as good daughters, good members of society, good mothers, etc. Haven't we kind of been those for quite a while already?

I do believe there are murderers online and offline, and would absolutely play it safe, like always leave a trusted girlfriend your date's name, phone number and the place to meet, and tell her what time you will be home and calling. It's kind of like going back to your teenage.

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So I did have a casual encounter with a guy that I met on the dating site that I'm on. We had been messaging and talking on the phone for about a week. I knew from our phone calls that there was no long term potential for us, but we did share some of the same interests and values and he was pretty attractive. I knew that if we met up and if there was an opportunity for sex that I was taking it.

We met up for a walk around the lake and sat on a bench talking and flirting and kissing a little. I ended up inviting him back to my place where we fooled around (no intercourse) and he told me how much he liked me and shared some personal info about his mother with me. I had a great time and enjoyed his company but again, I knew that it there was long term potential. He called the next day wanting to get together again and I texted back that I had really enjoyed his company but that since there wasn't any long term potential that it didn't make sense to see each other again as I didn't want either of us to get hurt. I never heard back after this text and I'm sure that he was fine since it was just the one night.

I can't help feeling like I "USED" him for casual sex and confided in a girl friend who said, "YOLO LADY, guys do this to women all of the time, just enjoy it, be safe and have fun!" This was more than a week ago and I have not had the urge to meet anyone else but I don't feel guilty either...

Can anyone male or female relate?

Well, YOLO Lady, I think that I can relate (to some extent).

As long as you were upfront, and shared your intentions with the guy, than that's okay. Just don't forget to use protection for sexual illness.

I'm in my mid-40's, but I still have strong physical desires.

Yes don't forget to urge him to use condoms, he could've done me -wink-. It's normal to want it, yet kind of controversial to talk about it in public. I don't even talk about it to any of my girl friends.

It's sort of like yes you are using him. But. He is also using you. You both are using each other for sexual pleasure, quickies

I don't do sex without deep, caring connection and exclusive commitment. I want a loving, monogamous relationship. I'd rather be alone than compromise. Sex by myself is very satisfying, safe, guilt-free.

That said, ask yourself what you really want. Do you really want the casual physical encounter with someone you don't want anything more with? Why?

For me, sex is something that is between 2 people in a marriage relationship. Even if I didn't believe that it's wrong to have sex outside of marriage, I wouldn't want to do it with just anyone. I want that intimate act to be only with someone I love. I don't believe in sex as recreation. It's something that is designed to draw 2 people closer together & to make a loving relationship even more loving. Unless we shut off that part of our emotions, it's exactly what happens as we can see so many women who have sex with a guy become more attached & have an issue when the guy is only thinking of it in casual terms.

I don't want to get into messy emotional situations that end up being meaningless to the other person. I want someone who values sex the same way that I do & has the moral values & the ability to have the self-control.

Obviously most of society doesn't feel the way I do any longer but I'm NOT going to change my values to what society is demanding to be normal because I know for me It's not right & it goes deeper than just my values but it has just as much to do with the relationship I have with God & what I believe are the standards that are set by God, not by society.

Looking back, I believe that my overwhelming biological (ordinary hormonal multiplied by bipolar hypersexual) sexual impulses and my need to bang my way through my teenage insecurities caused me to handle sex too casually in my 20's and 30's, which I regret. Today, even as lethal HIV has at least somewhat succumbed to treatment, the STD environment is especially sketchy: Zika is ST, certain strains of HPV can lead to cervical cancer and there have been very recent reports about the proliferation of antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea. Trusting a mere condom to act as a barrier to all that danger would give me pause. Just as I am amazed that after thousands of hours working with heavy woodshop tools I still have ten fingers and two eyes, I remain amazed that I never contracted herpes.

I have done this before but very rarely. Last guy I was with, kept texting even though i told him BEFORE we had sex that we were not compatible for dating.

I knew that 5 minutes into our date. He was a bit of a "fibber" about some major things. We had text for a week before meeting, but he lied about some major things. So I said, Just sex.

"I knew that he was lying about some major things, so dating was out... but why not share physical intimacy and potentially pathogenic body fluids?"

Sounds like familiar logic.

I've had casual sex with no regrets. Mostly when I was in my early 20s. Then after my divorce when I was 32 I had a blind date for the purpose of sex but it turned into a long term relationship.

100% condoms and I had no bodily fluids on or inside me.

I ask you, am I not supposed to have sex for some reason?

If you know what you want from a situation and you are single...then you should never feel ashamed to go for it. Before I met my DH.. I had casual sex when I was single. You just go with your boundaries and comfort level..of course the whole Internet thing now does add a bigger risk..I don't get it..I find it freaky and not in the deaky way. .. thankfully I don't have to even think about that scene being that I have been happily married now for yrs

I have always had very clear understanding of my values,and boundaries re: sex and single vs in a,relationship.. the way I see it is if you are single then you are free to do as you please..but once you commit to another in anyway (meaning besides "serious longterm") even when I was in high school if a boy asked me to be his girlfriend...even if it only lasted a week..then I did not think about or Perdue any one else. Ever. That's why I have a hard time understanding why ppl cheat.. if you want to sleep around be single. If you want to be with someone then just be with them..and if you find you no longer want that person or find yourself wanting another..then don't cheat..just be grown up enough to break things off with your SO before starting up with another person. Simple as 123 ABC.

I tried casual sex in my 20s but couldn't handle the emotional disconnect aspect that is par for the course with the other person. Sex is good for the mind, body, and soul. But so is masturbation. So if you're hesitant to have casual sex, then just masturbate a lot. Masturbation helps you connect with yourself, it builds your sexual stamina, relieves headaches and body tension, lowers blood pressure, can act as a natural sleep aid, combats depression, boosts your immune system...the list of benefits is long.