I don't know what to do anymore I just want to die

Dear women's forum members,

I just don't know what to do anymore and I feel that I cannot cope anymore. I have had a lifetime of health problems and the latest one is non stop dysfunctional heavy uterine bleeding. I live my life checking whether the chair I've been sitting on is stained with blood, I shower and bath constantly and I am a nervous wreck. It has taken months before doctors actually took it seriously then it's taken morello this to get enough tests done to be told I needs Hysteroscopy. I read up on the procedure and am so terrified I shake and feel nauseous from it, and they say that my ultrasound and blood tests are normal and that they are concerned I have cancer. If I have cancer I don't even want to treat it, I have never lived for myself yet and I don't intend to risk the last months of my life in yet more medial centres. Basically I am now deeply regretting going to doctors to try for a cure, I thought it would be s simple fix but realise now that this is not the case and I find the procedures ahead of me terrifying. In fact I would rather die now. The trouble is the operation is booked and I need to cancel that now, and work out some way that I can get out of my current situation into one where I don't have to work 60 hour weeks and can just be left alone and in peace. I can't really see a way out anymore. I have had terrible traumas in the past, a serious car accident and major caring roles and I feel that I never get to have a happy life or feel at peace or health and I would rather just give up now. I don't understand that women's bodies can be so dysfunctional that you just bleed and bleed month in month out. I am on 6 progesterone tablets daily and it still bleeds. My boyfriend will be furious when the finds out I'm cancelling the operation and I'm trying to work out a way around it at the moment. I'm just beside myself, I just can't face anymore operations or disgusting blood or invasive horrifying procedures. Can anyone help me why advice.

I experienced the same thing with heavy uterine bleeding. It was horrible and I also became extremely anemic. So anemic I had to have blood transfusions just to have the surgery I needed. Turns out I had a uterine fibroid. Since I was still young enough to have kids & had none I had a myomectomy, which is just the removal of the fibroid while leaving the uterus intact. I had a second surgery about a year later because of endometriosis. So I understand some of what you're going through. I didn't have a problem with the surgeries themselves except they ruined my stomach muscles and now I have a huge ugly scare.

My operation gave me so much relief I really think you should reconsider canceling your appointment. From what I've read a Hysteroscopy is a far less intrusive procedure than what I had. I wasn't able to because of the size and location of my fibroid.

Have you considered talking with the doctor about how upsetting this surgery is for you because of your past. Maybe if they know of your experiences they will be more understanding. I hate to think of you not having the surgery. Once it is over with, the relief should be significant.

I really hope you can get this all settled. I would have your bf go with you to your appointments for support.

I'm not a doctor and I don't know the terms, but a friend of mine experienced heavy bleeding after the birth of her second child. After years of trying to figure it out, she ended up getting her cervix cauterized, instead of the hysterectomy. She is so thankful that finally a doctor suggested that for her. I don't know the medical term for that procedure, but maybe you could look in to that instead? Much less damaging!

Thank you for realtime so much!
I just feel frustrated beyond belief, this bleeding has been going on for many months and I have passed out a few times and I'm sure it's from the blood loss. Just to get to the point of getting a scan has taken endless GP visits being told I am in menopause and to just put up with it (try that on 10 hour shifts in open plan offices full of men with no lockers in bathroom, I am trying to hide pads and tampons in my clothing but not always pockets so can only wear clothes with pockets etc).
When i had the scan it showed 4 fibroods and 2 ovarian cyste, the GP daod thats Your problem right there refertes me to a Gyno who then told me ot was a perfectst normal scan of a healthy uterus! The gyno said she would put me in for endometrial biopsies under full aneastatic in day hospital and I said can't you do anything to fix this? The reply was that first she would need to take a look. Then a second procedure booked in. However yesterday I get the theatre form and it has on it Hysteroscopy, myenosvopy, polyposcppy, mirena insertion.
I asked my endo snout the mirena as I have had auto immune thyroid disease for last 26 years he said with mirena he will increase my thyroid meds. The mirena the he gyno gyno said might help control the bleeding. Might. The whole thing seems incredibly vague. I had leg surgery which was supposed to fix my leg after it was crushed in a car accident and I woke up from that with permanent issues. I now need another op to shorten the leg as one is longer than the other. I no longer have a lot of faith in medial system after 4.5 years of leg rehab and wearing a leg brace, I don't want to do this surgery and be in an even worse position.
How can multiple doctors say that the fibroids and cysts are the problem and then the gyno say that they are too small as only 1.5 cm diameter so not the cause of any of this? Does this gyno know what she is doing? I am really confused and don't want to put my body through more trauma for no outcome....

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this! I just had a hysteroscopy 3 weeks ago and was petrified about it but it was really easy! They gave me some type of sedative so I was drifting off the whole time. I remember them telling me that I'd feel some cramping and I remember bracing myself for it but then I'd drift off and then they'd tell me again that I was going to feel some cramping and then I'd drift off again. It was over before I knew it and other than a little cramping it was not bad at all! I wish you the best and hope that everything works out for you!

I went through the same thing you are...so I have good news and bad news...

I was anemic also, went through an overnight pad every half hour. Tried working but it was all too messy and embarrassing, and employers generally don't want you to work three weeks out of the month.

My doctor found fibroids and scheduled a hysterectomy, which I backed out of the night before. I found another doctor who told me the same. I did some research on my own and found a procedure called a UFE....a uterine fibroid embolization. They stop the blood from reaching the fibroid, effectively killing it off. Radiologists do them.

Anyway, had it done and it was considered a "clinical success"....which means that what the doctors did technically worked. It just didn't stop the excessive bleeding. However that doesn't mean that MOST women find relief without resorting to having organs removed, if that's not your first choice of treatment.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Dear all,
I decided to cancel the surgery last minute as I just do not feel confident in the gyno. I went back to another doctor and got a referral to another gyno one with ten years experience (I checked up on the earlier one and she has only been practising 2 years!). I stopped the Primolut ( progesterone) as I believe it was making me feel suicidal - she put me on 6 tablets a day and said it would stop the bleeding but it didn't. When I raised it with her how bad I felt she just said I had to keep taking them. She also told me that I should look up the procedure on their website and didn't expain it to me, when I tried to talk to her later on I had to do it in waiting room in front of patients waiting and the reception staff. I think it is a really disrespectful way to treat someone.
So now this doctor has given me a referral to another gyno he says sure they should do cancer biopsies but he says it is quite obvious the intramural fibroid is causing the bleeding in his opinion. He has given me a new drug meantime to stop the bleeding called cyklokapron 4 x 2 tablets per day. Has anyone here tried that drug? I appreciatie all your responses so much. Thank you for being there for me!
I still need a hysteroscopy with fibroids removed but I want it done with somepne who instills trust and confidence not someone who doesnt acknowledge my concerns!

Hello to everyone again,
The new meds are also not working. Still bleeding day and night on a period that began on the 8 October (the most recent one). Has anyone on this forum ever gone to ER and had help that way? I am supposed to wait weeks until I get in with the next gyno for a consult, but don't know how much more I can take of this. If I have to live like this honestly I'd rather die. Thank you for your advice and suggestions in advance.

This is horrid. I suppose you have nothing to lose by going to the ER. Hope you can get in to see a specialist very very soon.

If a man was bleeding like that they wouldn't tell him 'just put up with it, it's menopause', or 'it's just stress' or 'give it a few more months and let's see if it settles down'. It took me 6 doctor visits before I managed to get my female hormones tested and the test result shows no menopause (I am 48, mum had hers at 57). By the time I got the pelvic ultrasound referral I was at wit's end and then I luck out with a gyno who tells me to work out my options and study operation procedure on a website. We pay the same tax as men, why don't they take our health seriously? How can I compete in the workplace on a level playing field in an all male office with this going on? It's not fair!

Update - I rung the second gyno this morning when their office opened and explained my situation to his receptionist. She has booked me in for tomorrow morning and said if surgery needed it will be done as a matter of priority and she said if it gets any worse go straight to ER. She is getting my medical file sent across and it just sounds so professional and so kind. All I have to do is last another day. It was just that first gyno with her 'look up your procedure and consider your options on the website' that stuffed me up. She made me pay $1600 up front for the operation I cancelled (it will take a week to get the money back!) and do my own hospital admissions online at home as well as buy my own Mirena to bring in for surgery. Why pay when you have to do it all yourself. I think this second gyno will take care of me and help me they are already organising me. I just want to say to anyone reading this forum go seek a second opinion!

I'm so glad you finally got a ob/gyn that takes you seriously. I hope this will all be taken care of and be behind you soon. Please keep us up to date.

((((hugs)))))

I am sorry that you have been suffering for so long, Iwanttojoin. Unfortunately, we sometimes go through horrible, unimaginable events. Thankfully, there are wonderful people out there ~ doctors, nurses, etc that work extra-hard because they care. I hope that this 2nd OB/Gyn is one of the latter type. You deserve decent care in a very timely manner.

You're in my thoughts....

Update after seeing Gyno #2.
Gyno 2 turns out to be softly spoken gentle man who after looking at my test results and taking my history said I will take a look. The thing I had been dreading for months - spread on the Gyno chair legs up- was actually not traumatic at all as he was so kind as explained everything. He looked inside and said well there's your problem right there a huge polyp which has grown from inside the uterus through to the outside of the cervix (Or something like that) and he said that alone would explain the bleeding. He took a poloscopy which hurt a little bit like a Pap smear. He has booked me in for surgery on Friday and he will remove all growths no matter how small as they will only grow bigger over time. So cysts, polyps and fibroids will all be removed. Then he said let it settle and see if things back to normal, only if it doesn't return to normal would he look at burning or at Mirena. But he said seeing no previous history no need to go so far, give things a chance to heal and see if that fixes it. I am so so glad I cancelled the other op, so glad I went and sought another option. Thank you everyone for your supportive messages. I have been complaining about bleeding since August and it has taken this long for someone to look inside me with a speculum. All that anxiety and stress over what is wrong with me and what if it can't be fixed could have been prevented. Live and learn.

Dear All,
It is the night before the procedure and I have been awake all night. I just feel so unattractive, gross and yuk and I really hate my body and I hate being female. I just don't think I will ever feel remotely attractive again. I have real issues with female body parts and exposing them while unconscious and a team of people putting stuff into me. I know I have to go through with this or I'll bleed to death (currently day 44 of non stop bleeding is about to arrive). But I just don't think I can handle any of this psychologically. Boyfriend is happily asleep, doesn't understand why I am so ashamed or horrified or in tears over it all. I just feel that my body always betrays me and let's me down and ruins my life and self esteem. I went through an auto immune disease diagnosis which ripped apart the only relationships that I had with a man who wanted to have children with me and now here I am after 35 years of menstruation nightmares about to go in for this procedure slotted in between ladies having children and I haven't even had a child. I just feel like my life is a waste...help.

I had the operation I was so scared my legs and hands shaking uncontrollably as I was waiting to go in but I must say the operating team (8 people, 5 of them men!) were kindness itself. I woke up and they took out 2 polyps, 2 fibroids, a large lesion and cysts. Amazingly I already feel better I had a lot of pain in my side before (the kind that doubles you over) and that is gone. So is the never ending nausea. The doctor said let it heal up now and see if periods become normal again once bleeding stops (another 2 weeks of bleeding).
So if anyone is thinking of doing this, I feel better already so even though it's been the most traumatic day of my life it was worth it.

You may want to check out the site Hysterectomy - HysterSisters They are SOOOO supportive and lots of information on all types of illnesses are provided there. I didn't want to scare you before, which is why I didn't send you this address until now.

Check it out sometime.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Both my mom and maternal gram had had similar issues with fibrous tissue. Both had had D&Cs a couple of times and that seemed to help.

Just my opinion, but my sister had terrible fibroids, bleeding, etc. She had a hysterectomy and the left her ovaries. Not a problem since. That was many years ago, so there have been many new, good developments since then. Out of my mother's four daughters, I am the only one who hasn't had a hysterectomy. I've had a Heck of a time with menopause though. Almost psychotic the first year 2008. Finally on hormones, antianxiety, antidepressants, became diabetic, got high cholesterol. If I could have stopped all that by having a hysterectomy you can bet I would have. I still need to add I STILL 8 years later, every medicine to stop it later, have terrible anxiety, depression, hot flashes where I put my head in the freezer, etc. Yes, to avoid all this, they could have had my uterus. Fibroids will make you bleed non stop. Not sure how they can remove the fibroids w/o a hysterectomy. But as I said, new, good developments have happened since my sister's. Maybe laser treatment??

Hi all I had a hysterosvopy where they removed the fibroids, polyps and lesion and after a week the bleeding completely stopped. Now I am pad free! And because it looks like it is sorted no need for a hysteroscopy like the first Gyno told me. So glad I went for a second opinion. If only i had this surgery earlier!