[Junerain]

Today I was at the library computers, right here at PC, when a woman called out for help with her online FAFSA application...I screamed, I love to help people! I will! I will!

We got to talking and went out for coffee when the library closed, and I felt comfortable telling her much of my life story, she was very non-judgemental, I could tell.

At the end of the evening, I found myself asking if she would be a mother figure, to me. My own mother is so cold and heartless and she is all I have.

Unfortuneately, the woman she turned down my offer to stay in touch and be like a mother to me. That is what I expected. For one second I did enjoy showing my vulnerability and opening up to someone, and I truly felt heard and understood on a deep level, a human, spontaneous moment..

She took my hand and said although my family may be cold and distant, that keep in mind, your biological family is all you actually genuinely have.............

[bebop]

I am sorry to say hon but I know how you feel. I had no idea how a mother/daughter relationship was suppose to be. I see others and wish I had had what they do.

[Rhapsody]

((( HUGS ))) _ Please know there are many here that are willing to lend a hand in the mother department when needed....

[ECHOES]

Oh yes, very much. It is one of the biggest issues in my therapy.

(((june)))))))))))))))) Even thou my Mom and I had issues . I really do not think anyone could replace her. My grandmother and aunt did step in as second Moms. I could tell my aunt anything.....and she listened so well.
All of us I think are willing to step in and listen to you like a Mom would. Or a friend. Which ever you need kind one.
That is one of the reasons I have stayed so close to my daughter, even threw the hard times and we did have some
I would be more than happy to listen ....
muffy

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by Junerain

She took my hand and said although my family may be cold and distant, that keep in mind, your biological family is all you actually genuinely have.............

As nice as that woman was she obviously has no idea what others have to do to create a family around themselves.

I've got my biological family--from very loving and supportive but mildly disfunctional to distant and severely disfunctional (depends on which parent's family we're talking about). Then I have my church family. No one is totally put together but still seems more even-keeled as a whole than my biological family. It's a hard thing, though, to learn to be inter-dependent without becoming dependent or co-dependent when we're feeling a bit broken inside. And I'm still learning...

[Junerain]

Rhapsody and Muffy, thank you, for you have touched me more deeply and gently than you would ever know

[MINIME]

I know how u feel. That lady was wrong there is so much more then bio family. I am starting to see that the hope of finding that love wakes me heal and try and reach out and maybe there will never be one person who can hold everything we need from a mom there are a lot of people who will each bring a part of it to us. Never let anyone take that dream away from u.

[brephi]

Originally Posted by Junerain

Today I was at the library computers, right here at PC, when a woman called out for help with her online FAFSA application...I screamed, I love to help people! I will! I will!

We got to talking and went out for coffee when the library closed, and I felt comfortable telling her much of my life story, she was very non-judgemental, I could tell.

At the end of the evening, I found myself asking if she would be a mother figure, to me. My own mother is so cold and heartless and she is all I have.

Unfortuneately, the woman she turned down my offer to stay in touch and be like a mother to me. That is what I expected. For one second I did enjoy showing my vulnerability and opening up to someone, and I truly felt heard and understood on a deep level, a human, spontaneous moment..

She took my hand and said although my family may be cold and distant, that keep in mind, your biological family is all you actually genuinely have.............

JUNERAIN, YouR message touched me so much I cried. I never had a good relationship with my mother. I had an older sister and younger sister. I was the middle child. I was the independent one. I had to become independent because at an early age I grew to learN that I could depend on no one but myself. My mother never reached out to me to do the mother/daugther thing. She never had time for me. I believe that's one reason I am having emotional issues at this time. My grandmother was my role model and unfortunely she was murdered when I was 15.

I know how it feels to not have a mother figure. With that, JUNERAIN, feel free to reach out to me anytime you need. I can't be your mother, but I wish I could. You seem like such a lovely person. Your mother doesn't know what she is missing having a great daughter like yourself. I WISH YOU WERE MY DAUGHTER.

[Eleora]

My mother and I used to loathe each other. We even came to blows in my early teens. As I grew older we grew distant instead of constantly fighting and then one day something major happened, and we got talking. She opened up to me and I opened up to her, and it was like a whole new relationship.

I think sometimes it takes some outside help, whether it be an event or a person, to mend relationships. Why do you consider your mother cold and distant?

[Junerain]

I consider my mother cold and distant because she calls me *****, weakling, tells me no guy would ever like me, tells me I will never amount to anything, took all my disability money away as my payee, refuses to talk about emotions, says that's my doctor's job, when I told her these things, she still did not discuss any of them. If I talk about how I am an eccentric person, she starts to scream. If I hold down a job, it is because no one was watching me closely, according to her. If a guy talks to me, it is because I was the only one there.

[1oxbowgirl]

I understand that yearning. I have been hoping and praying that I could have a closer relationship with my mother, and rest of family. But not all wishes come true. I have been wanting this to happen for fifty years and so far we are not as close as I would have liked. But good friend's can be there for you, as support and a helping hand when needed. I wish you all the best and if your wish does not come true then try to enjoy the little things, the little moments with her. And come here for support and new friends who care about you. 1Girl

[idontknow13]

Junerain, you seem to be such a beautiful person and I do beleive you can find people in your path that will bring you what you need but I want to talk to you about the perspective from the mother's side. I am convinced you mother loves you, she might not be able to show you in the way you would like, but she loves you. I have two beautiful daughters that I love more than words can express but if you talked to them, they might describe me close to the way you described your mom and it hurts. It hurts because that is not the relationship I wanted with my daughters and lately I have come to realize that I raised them the way I was raised and the way I lived has taught me not to trust anyone and I passed that on to them, so when I have conversations with them about other people in their lives I sound very much like your mother but it is out of distrust of other people and beleiving that my daughters deserve the Best. I guess I have been rambling on but I wanted to share a bit of my mother/daughter relationship so you would understand that your mother does the best she can and she loves you.
You are a beautiful person and do not let your mother or anyone for that matter tell you otherwise!

[idontknow13]

In my defense my mom died when I was two years old, I never knew what it felt like to have a mother and I was a pretty good mother when my daughters were young but now that they are adults, I am having trouble letting go.
Again, you are a wonderful person

[Junerain]

My mother was raised with A lot of love, she still became this person, this person who hates anyone disorganized, hating emotion, hating realness in a person. She does not want the best for me, she keeps trying to take my car off the road so I have no way to get anywhere, keeps trying to take my money so I will starve.

[idontknow13]

Junerain, I realize now that I should not written about this to you since I do not know you or your story, I just wanted to help you in some way.
I would never do the things you say your mother does to anyone and especially not my daughters.
I hope things get better for you and again I am sorry if I hurt you in any way.

[Junerain]

No, no, you gave me a chance to express even more, get even more of my anger out, it certainly needs to be let out, I am working with my T on this I have a good T to help!!