[thelostone]

hi,

my 16 year old daughter just went to the gyn for the first time to get birth control pills to regulate her period. the dr gave her the pills, but only a 2 month supply, and refused to examine her because she was a virgin. first of all, i thought they had to examine you to give you the pill, and second, what about just needing a physical and learning how to do a self breast exam etc. she is supposed to go back at the end of 2 months and get her exam and script, but she will still be a virgin. has anyone ever encountered this? my daughter is so upset she doesn't want to see this dr again.

lost

[cantstopcrying]

To me that is very odd. I was started on the pill at age 17, still a virgin due to severe endometriosis. I was given a pelvic exam and an ultrasound before being given my pills. (I had to take mine non-stop, skipping the placebo ones).

Women can delay the pelvic exam for up to six months while taking the oral contraceptive. In the past, women wanting to begin the pill were required to undergo the pelvic exam before the prescription was written. From a planned parenthood article.

So even though you aren't going through PP, your doctor can delay the exam. No idea why they would, though.

If you have not been sexually active before now, a pelvic exam may not be necessary. From advice.com (? I think that was it)

[e_sort]

wow, did they say that she had to lose her virginity in the next 2 months or she wouldn't get her exam? How extremely weird. what if you're waiting till marriage, you don't get examined for 25 years?

I was pretty sure that virginity wasn't a requirement, because I remember hearing a lot that having a pelvic exam doesn't mean you're not a virgin anymore.

Well, there's lots of doctors in the world. Probably she should not get examined by a person she doesn't like or trust.

[RomanSunburn]

I'm not at all surprised by the doctor. I'm 21, and I started birth control at around age 16, and I'm still a virgin. I didn't end up having my first exam until I was 20 or so. Both the doctors told me it's okay to wait until I have sex first; it would make the exam less painful (and for me, the exam was REALLY painful...) The only reason I even had the exam when I had it was because I asked for it. My cousin had a close friend that died from ovarian cancer at the age of 21 or 22, and I just wanted to get everything checked out. Once I had it done, the doctor told me I didn't need to have a follow-up exam for three years or until I had sex. Once I had sex, she told me I should have one every year, but until then I could wait.

I hope this helps relieve some of your anxiety,
Ro

[thelostone]

thanks for the replies, it has been a long time since i was 16. i just figured they would at least do vitals and blood tests, and teach her to do a self breast exam. found out after i first posted my older daughter has had a pelvic, but they have never done a breast exam on her either. and yet you can get condoms from the school guidance office and there are 12 and 13 year olds being treated for STDs. oh well, guess i will take her to the pediatrician for an actual physical. thanks guys

lost

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

I'm not at all surprised by the doctor. I'm 21, and I started birth control at around age 16, and I'm still a virgin. I didn't end up having my first exam until I was 20 or so. Both the doctors told me it's okay to wait until I have sex first; it would make the exam less painful (and for me, the exam was REALLY painful...) The only reason I even had the exam when I had it was because I asked for it. My cousin had a close friend that died from ovarian cancer at the age of 21 or 22, and I just wanted to get everything checked out. Once I had it done, the doctor told me I didn't need to have a follow-up exam for three years or until I had sex. Once I had sex, she told me I should have one every year, but until then I could wait.

I hope this helps relieve some of your anxiety,
Ro

I still find that odd. I am a virgin, and I waited and waited and waited to get my gyno exam done. My dr. gently pushed me into getting one...I was 24. But ever since I was 18, various doctors told me I should get one regardless, because it checks your overall health, the risks are just lower if you haven't had sex.

[salukigirl]

I guess when youre only 16 there isnt much need to check for HPV or cervical cancer yet especially if there is no chance of her having an STD. And my obgyn told me that for women up to age 25, thats one of the main reasons to do the check and they check for all STDs every time you have a check up. But I went to my obgyn whenI was 16 to get birth control and she didnt say anything about it having to do with whether I was a virgin or not. I wasn't a virgin but still.

I understand why he would say its not necessary, but refusing? That seems a little odd. I think if you go in for a test, they should give it to you whether they think its "required" or not. And yes, she needs to learn about SBE and checking yourself for everything else. What happens when she does lose her virginity and has no clue of what to look for? I would think they should do it to at least say "this is what Im looking for... this is what would be here if there were problems..." that type of thing.

[Rhapsody]

Some doctors do not want to perform a GYN Exam on the patients first visit as they want the patient to be comfortable and at ease when they first meet..... having the exam done on your daughters second visit is normal.

[thelostone]

the problem is that she doesn't want to see this dr now because she was rude about it, also about the presence of her sister there with her. she is too old for a physical from a pediatrician, and i am a currently housebound agoraphobic, so her big sister went with her. i was there for both of my other daughters "first time", and she has been previously molested so has some misgivings about being examined. and she does need a physical. i don't know what to do, i don't know of any other dr in town except her oldest sisters ob who is nearly 80 and i don't think she can stand the thought of letting him touch her at all. she is down to 5 weeks now to figure out what to do. any suggestions would be helpful.

lost

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by thelostone

i don't know what to do, i don't know of any other dr in town except her oldest sisters ob who is nearly 80 and i don't think she can stand the thought of letting him touch her at all.

Can your daughter drive to the next nearest town and see a younger female doctor there? - If not do you think your daughter would go see the older male doctor her sister see with family support by her side?

I totally get this. I have the same problem as I have been molested as well and being examined is very traumatic for me. I would say that if she really doesn't want to see the doc again then I wouldn't force her to. perhaps like others said going tothe next town for a female would be better? I know i wouldn't want the 80 year old man working on me either.. its just too triggering. I hope she makes out ok whatever happens.

[thelostone]

i am not sure wht to do, there are tons of ob/gyn in our town, many female, but i don't know much about any of them. originally she was supposed to see the old man, and was ok with it but the office decided she should be seen by the new woman dr in the practice. although i can teach her to do her self exam etc, i am still not sure how comfortable i am with her taking hormones without being checked out first. i guess i could take her to a pediatrician for a checkup. i wonder if the local midwives do exams? surely they would be a little kinder and gentler than this woman was. problem is i am housebound agoraphobic, and i can't go with her. it is obviously not something her father could go with her or even truly understand, and unfortunately one of my worst phobias is talking on the phone. i even have trouble talking to my family. i guess i will keep looking and see if maybe i can get more info from someone on a good female dr. this one was even rude about her sister coming in with her. wish i could send daddy in, he would put the woman in her place. thanks for all your help everyone.

lost

[Locust]

*THIS MAY TRIGGER*

Most young virgins I have known that went to get bc pills were upset because they were in tremendous pain, bleeding heavily, etc. and had to have the bc pills, but had to submit to a gynecological exam every time they got their pills renewed even though it did not tell them anything new about themselves. It didn't seem to serve any purpose and left them feeling violated, and some considered it painful. Actually, I know women who have had sex that still find the gynecological exams painful, as well. It depends on the woman, but virgins are definitely more likely to experience more pain. And feeling violated also depends on the woman. Personally, I think I would have felt tremendously violated in the past, regardless of whether it was a woman or a man, and believe it would have been really painful for me. Even now, I would feel violated if a man was doing the exam, and I do not trust men to do such exams, either. I also would feel violated if I felt forced into such an exam in order to get needed pills, as well. In the past I would have felt violated regardless of the reason. As said I said, I think it would have been painful, as well, because I was a virgin and because of the extreme anxiety (causes muscles to tighten in the vaginal canal.

While it is true that an initial exam (although I feel it should NEVER be required nor forced, nor come with an ultimatum) might help one to know what the cause of the problem was (although ultrasounds and blood tests are also important in pin pointing these types of problems), it seems to me that the repeated exams at this age are completely pointless unless something is discovered that the young woman needs to keep a check on.

At the age of 16, pinpointing a prob. or tracking an existing prob. is the only real purpose of a gynecological exam BECAUSE unless a woman is 18 or older OR sexually active, it is not normally recommended that she get an exam, UNLESS it is to find the source of a prob. or to track the progression of some problem. ALSO, while there is nothing wrong with your daughter knowing how to do a self breast exam, many women do not have a doctor perform a hands on exam, nor teach them how to do one until they are 18, unless they come in complaining of a lump. As you said, you could teach her how to do one. In fact, to be honest, reading info. on the internet was as informative for me as what the gynecologist told me about doing an exam. Actual mammograms using a machine are usually not suggested until much later unless a woman is high risk. Personally, I think exams at 18 are prety pointless, as well, unless it is to check for the cause of a specific problem, to track a problem's progression, or if the person has been sexually active and enough time has passed that stds will show up in tests, and HPV may be an issue (for cervical cancer risk), OR if the woman has a higher than normal cancer risk or has noted changes during breast exams.

One of my friends had to deal with this at a very young age, and as a virgin. She always felt violated and always found it painful. They have never told her what the source of her prolems were, and the exams have served no purpose until she became sexually active. She was actually relieved when one woman told her at 15 (after years of examinations) that she was too young for something like that, and she would give her the pills without an exam.It personally disturbs me that anyone ever put her in such a position, and honestly, she gets triggered about memories of it.

Another friend has had some tests done as an adult and they know what her prob. is, yet they continue to do exams on her- that tell them nothing new- everytime she goes in for hormones that she has to have (seriously, she has been in the hospital twice as a result of being without them), and despite not being a virgin she feels not only violated, but in a lot of pain during these exams, and most people are not polite enough to ask if she wants a woman dr. and she is not assertive enough to demand one.

I am not saying there is never a point in doing this, but I think this could be a really negative experience for many young virgins, especially those with a history of sexual abuse. I have never been sexually abused, but I feel I would have felt violated if I had to have this done at 16 and as a virgin, not to mention, prob. in a lot of pain and scared. The thought of it made me extremely upset until I was much older than this.

I believe you said you were going to get a female dr., and that sounds like a good idea to me because if your daughter does agree to this exam, she may be more comfortable with a woman. Also, I personally think young women should NEVER have gyn exams by old men. Doctor or not, I'd never advise anyone to allow an old man to touch their underage daughter in an intimate area, nor an old woman to touch their underage son in an intimate area. I hear people say all the time, "Oh, they are professionals!," but as far as I am concerned, they can say that all they want to, but they are still human beings. Professional does not mean god-like or pure. I always want to respond to that comment with, "Porn stars are professionals, too. What is your point?!" The term professional means to me they are trained in the medical field and hopefully competant at what they do, but it does not make a diff when it comes to their sexuality. They can still be perverts, and even if they are generally nice people it does not mean that they are asexual. Chances are they still have sexual desires and thoughts, and while we may not want to admit it, I think many men are attracted to 16 yr. olds. So, I'd just as soon they didn't go around giving gyn exams to them. I don't advise male gyns for young women....unless they are gay. Completely gay. And I don't want one for myself, either. If I was a man, I'd feel the same way about women gyns.

I don't want anyone getting aroused when I'm having a gynecological exam because it is NOT something that I enjoy doing. At this point in time, it does not really bother me much, but it is somewhat unpleasant, uncomfortable, and it's bordering on some pain. It's not bad for me now under the right circumstances though, but it's NOT something I like, and it is a worse experience for some of my friends. As I said, I know when I was younger, it would have been much worse on me. The very thought of someone getting their kicks out of something that makes many women feel uncomfortable and unpleasant, if not downright bad (violated, embarassed, nervous, vulnerable, uncomfortable, or/and in pain, etc.), makes me sick! It saddens me that while women are a lot more likely to see a gynecologist, and are indeed more likely to find themselves being told they have to see one (to get bc pills because their hormones are crazy), that mostly men are the ones who are gynecologists, and quite often, when someone refers you to one, they never think to ask if you are okay with a man. This is a sensitive topic for me to a degree, if you can't tell. Which explains the ranting.

Anyway, if your daughter does see one, keep in mind, it could be painful and upsetting for her. Make sure the gyn knows she is a virgin, and that they do anything they can to minimize her discomfort. Also, don't pressure her to do it, is my advise, but from what you said, I thought maybe your daughter wanted the exam? And keep in mind many doctors in general, including gyns, are complete (insert explitive here). Many of my friends have had negative experiences with the gynecologists themselves (not just the exam). I am lucky (only been once, and am not due back, yet) to have not had a bad exp. so far (the lady was nice, gentle, didn't rush, she was sanitary, and she was informative), BUT many friends have reported that they have been talked to in rude, uncaring manners, they have been hurt with apparently no concern from the examiner, they have been examined without gloves (this is both unsanitary and just plain creepy), have had digital exams without lubrication resulting in pain, they have had comments and actions taken that made them feel as though the examiner might be crossing a line sexually, AND one lady I know had her breast (only has one due to mastectomy) bruised during a mammogram which is not healthy, and she said it hurt so bad she wanted to pass out. The examiner was very dismissive of her pain. She thankfully reported her afterwards and was told that should never happen. I am not trying to scare people out of NEEDED exams. As I said, mine was not so bad, and I have better piece of mind knowing that things are okay- plus, it is important to know so you don't spread disease to people, so you catch cancer early, etc. However, doctors are not holy, and many are jerks. Make sure your daughter knows how to stand up for herself (sadly many of my friends and family members just accepted the innapropriate comments and actions) and screen the doctors thoroughly to try to avoid insensitive, perverted, unsanitary, and sadistic creeps.

Also, as far as pap smears go, keep in mind that while people can get cervical cancer without HPV, HPV is the PRIMARY cause of cervical cancer. And only certain kinds of HPV cause cervical cancer, and even then, they do not always cause cancer, even then. While it is important to keep check on if you have HPV and whether or not it's giving you cancer, if you are not sexually active your chances of having cervical cancer are a lot less, than if you potentially have HPV. So your daughter prob. does not need a pap smear at age 16, if she is not sexually active, and pap smears in such young virgins are normally not recommended. The chances of a virgin at ANY age getting cervical cancer is EXTREMELY slim. According to this article on webmd, "In fact, researchers say that virtually all cervical cancers - more than 99% -- are caused by these high-risk HPV viruses." By these high risk ones, they mean certain strains of the HPV virus, not HPV viruses in general. Anyway, point being, a pap smear would not normally be recommended in 16 yr. old virgins, and as you can see by those statistics, there's a good reason for that. Here is the link I got the quote from:

http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditio...ls-should-know

[kim_johnson]

I never had a pelvic exam when I was prescribed birth control pills (as a virgin) for the same reason as your daughter. I didn't know that they were recommended before you became sexually active...

[AAAAA]

I’d find her a new doctor. My daughter just went through this herself. She’s had female issues for years, but refused to go on the pill because of the exam process. Her local doctor did the same thing, gave her a three month supply and told her she’d have to come back for a pap smear to get a years supply.

She went back to college and made an appointment on campus for the pap. When she went in to talk to the doctor, he asked her why she thought she needed a pap. She told him it was because that is what her local doctor said she had to do. He informed her that there is new data out there and that unless she’s at risk for certain types of cancer or conditions and is not sexually active she does not need the pap.

He said it’s not his place, nor any other doctor’s, to question whether or not she’s being honest about not being sexually active, it’s her health and responsibility. He strongly recommended getting a pap and pelvic once she became sexually active or became symptomatic for other conditions.