[whim]

6 years ago I took a job as an XRAY tech in a small rural community with an adorable little hospital. The hospital was so small that they could only afford one tech even though they ran a 24 hour ER. I agreed to take a job where I was on call 24/7 to the ER. I was young and thought, how could this really be that hard.

Now 6 years later, after slowly decreasing my Oncall time by switching facilities I still have a horrible feeling every time I go Oncall. The constant unknown about when I'll be able to get sleep and whether if I bother starting something will I be able to finish it, or be interrupted is always in the back of my head. I worry my cell phone won't work or I won't hear the phone ring if I go outside.

I get very stressed out and anxious but can't take anti anxiety medicines because I'm on call and they will effect my ability to do my job and to drive from home to work.

When I get too overwhelmed, depressed, and anxious I want to call in sick...but most of the time there is no one to replace me. If I refuse to take the Oncall then the ER can't function properly and sick or hurt people go without the care they need. Then I just feel guilty and much worse about myself.

I'm not sure what the point of this whole rant was apart from needing to get my thoughts out because I'm TIRED and just started a 96 hour Oncall stretch. I make good money and love what I do, the people I work with and places I work, I just really wish I could have regular hours.

I have always battled depression but in the past 2 years the less control I have on my day to day life the harder it is to get out of bed. I have 2 hospitalizations for suicidal thoughts and I just don't see an easy way out of my situation. I need the job due to debt from school.

To anyone who read this whole thing I apologize for the random and long whine session. I am just so very stressed!

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[Little Lulu]

whim - it doesn't sound like a rant to me. I work in health care and had a job where I took call for 13 years. I can really relate to your feelings and fears about call. I grew to really dislike it and ultimately changed positions. Having a lifestyle that is more predictable suits me much better. I don't read into your post that you believe your mood issues are entirely driven by taking call but I will add that changing positions did not 'fix' my anxiety issue. I still have anxiety/depression and have to do the work to stay emotionally healthy but not taking call was an improvement in my life.

I hope you find some answers.

[Pierro]

Its way too much for one person to take on. Even when you are off, the on call is bound to be at the back of your mind. Which is why you will never be able to relax. You were great to stick it as long as you can.

[whim]

Thank u Little Lulu and Peirro for understanding my struggle.

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[hvert]

Being on call is really stressful! For years I was the only support resource for 26 locations. I was on call every day from 7 AM until 11 PM. Weekends were busiest and I was salaried i.e. not compensated at all for the calls or being on call.

I keep my ringer on silent now - I can't stand to hear phones ring. I will never take another job like that again.

[whim]

Originally Posted by hvert

I keep my ringer on silent now - I can't stand to hear phones ring. I will never take another job like that again.

I know what u mean! I freak out anytime I hear a phone ring no matter where I am or if I'm on call or not. I hear a phone ring and my stomach jumps and I immediately look for my phone.

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[sleepweaver]

I can so relate. I'm in healthcare as well. When I worked in a hospital, I had to take call a part of the time--I hated that pager. It took a while to stop hearing it after I left that job. I went to work in homecare, and because I work alone in a rural office, I'm on call 24/7. And I have a territory that stretches about 1.5 hours on eithe side of where I live. Cell phone reception is not great where I live, and I'm always concerned I'm missing a call. I also hate to do anything for fear of being called out in the middle of it.

Although I'm sure I don't get called out as often as you are, I can relate to how you are feeling.

[whim]

sleepweaver-
I may get called in, but at times that isn't so bad. It really can be just the constant wondering of when its gonna happen, and worry that you've missed a call. Its hard to relax when u feel like the phone is gonna ring at any second...and when it doesn't ring for too long, the fear that something is wrong with your phone or the reception.

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[whim]

Sorry that was supposed to say "I may get called in more often"

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[eskielover]

How did they manage when you were hospitalized those 2 times & how did you manage in the hospital when you must have been needed just as bad?.....

My questions are for you to think about. Sometimes even if we love what we are doing we need to find a place to do it that better fits our needs in life. Yes you may have the anxiety & depression where ever you go...but controlling the level by changinv the environment is important SELF CARE.

When we are young we are invincible. When we get older....not so much & more self care is needed.

You wrote this because you have issues in your life you NEED TO DEAL WITH. You brush them off now & they will only resurface in a worse way later in life....61 years has showed me a lot...lol....& the last time issues hit i was too old to be hired in a place that could hve fit better...I was in aerospace engineering not healthcare but the economy was better then it is now.

If i were you I would start looing into other options that truly fit your life & health better....better now than later when it might be very much more difficult

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