[hvert]

I am not sure what to call this thread, but I bet a lot of people have a similar problem.

TL; DR: How did you get over your fear of working after working with very abusive people?

My second to last job was an awful experience. For three years I had an extremely controlling and abusive boss who blamed me for everything that went wrong. My last year with the company I had a different boss who turned out to be even worse in some ways. It took me at least a year before I woke up in the morning remembering that I didn't have to panic because I didn't have to go back there. It took several years before I even drove by the building - and I still don't like to do it.

I had a conversation with someone this morning who also worked at this place and who had a similar experience. She told me that she still finds herself second guessing what she says as a result of the years of put downs she endured.

Have other people successfully dealt with this issue? Just the thought of going back to that kind of work makes me anxious. I would leave the industry if I could get paid as much doing something else. I can't tell how much of it is burn-out vs. that horrible job vs a genuine lack of interest.

[unaluna]

Ive been out for ten years and im still having nightmares. My t at the time had advised me to get out - i wish i had followed his advice on that and other matters.

[hvert]

Thanks for making me feel better hankster, I see the light at the end of the tunnel now Your comment cracked me up. I think my nightmares are down to one or two a year -- I hope yours aren't more frequent.

Were you there long? It's really awful to look back at these situations we lived with for so long. I should not have put up with it for 4+ years - and think that if I had put my foot down early on, I wouldn't have been treated the way I was.

[Fresia]

It took: time; therapy; trusting on faith (and now know) that there are safer work places and positions for a more conducive work environment; knowing that the boss' conditioning that I had learned is not what mattered and needed to be unlearned; through a better environment, by building more confidence back and starting to trust my capabilities again while working at a new place and position that would allow for this; and to start building relationships again, possibly even trusting those I work with over time due to a better environment and position.

However, I still have moments of panic and nightmares, but each day building new positive associations in the new position is overriding some of the terrors so that those negative incidents are in the distant background now, not in the forefront, and thinking/triggering less and less of the negative memories. It is getting better bit by bit. The nightmares still come but are easier to deal with because I have new reality.

Abuse and its after effects are NEVER worth putting up with. Life is too short. Going to therapy for coping skills and making a new reality with a better environment is what made the difference for me to help overcome the abuse and trauma from the past. I hope you find what works best for you soon.

[Tol7942]

Originally Posted by hvert

I am not sure what to call this thread, but I bet a lot of people have a similar problem.

TL; DR: How did you get over your fear of working after working with very abusive people?

My second to last job was an awful experience. For three years I had an extremely controlling and abusive boss who blamed me for everything that went wrong. My last year with the company I had a different boss who turned out to be even worse in some ways. It took me at least a year before I woke up in the morning remembering that I didn't have to panic because I didn't have to go back there. It took several years before I even drove by the building - and I still don't like to do it.

I had a conversation with someone this morning who also worked at this place and who had a similar experience. She told me that she still finds herself second guessing what she says as a result of the years of put downs she endured.

Have other people successfully dealt with this issue? Just the thought of going back to that kind of work makes me anxious. I would leave the industry if I could get paid as much doing something else. I can't tell how much of it is burn-out vs. that horrible job vs a genuine lack of interest.

I thought I was the only one. I have had 2 very abusive bosses in the past 4 years and the anxiety is crippling. I know I am smart and can perform well, perhaps even thrive, but I get completely derailed in toxic work environments. since I always assume it's my fault, I question whether or not I am too sensitive or overpersonalize things. And maybe I do, but I have felt traumatized to the point where I feel like I will never be able to find stable employment let alone a fulfilling career.

[hvert]

Tol7942, I have been talking with people about this and find that it is more common than I expected-- we are not the only ones, for sure. I went from one toxic workplace to another, which really does make me feel like it is me, even though my coworkers and others agree that the behavior of the bosses is pretty insane. At least I had learned my lesson and quit the second job in under a year (should have quit within the week).

Fresia, I want to print out what you wrote -- it gives me hope that things will get better.

I just find that I don't trust my judgment at all anymore. A friend wants me to work for her company, but I am getting a really bad feeling about it after doing some contract work for them. I am trying to withhold judgment until I hear their offer, but I just dread the idea so much.