So Bossy I Want to Quit

This is actually about a volunteer situation, not my job.

A few months ago I volunteered as a board member for a professional organization. I thought it would be a good networking move. I was kind of sorry I signed up after my first meeting - I didn't click with anyone and wasn't fully on board with the organization's goals. They aren't bad goals in the sense of being ethically wrong or anything, but it's something I feel more middle of the road than gung ho about.

I signed up for a subcommittee along with a few other people. We were responsible for a project I *was* excited about. Unfortunately, no one else was. I started to lose my enthusiasm because the work was more difficult than I anticipated and no one else was doing any of it. I suggested that we abandon or postpone the project due to tight deadlines and lack of interest, but a couple of other people volunteered.

One of them basically took the project over. She is not even a member of the board but is a paid employee representing an organization that provides some of our funding. She made unilateral decisions, leaving me to go back to people I'd already spoken with to tell them that things had changed. She completely changed the terms of the project. She started sending me rude, bossy emails, demanding I do X by Y deadline. Of course, she fails to meet any deadlines herself.

I received an apology from the president of the board, who pretty much said that he was sorry it had happened but that he couldn't do anything because of the funding situation.

After two hostile emails in a row, I replied stating that I was unable to meet the deadline and someone else would need to do X. That was my last concrete obligation to the project, and as far as I am concerned, I'm done with it.

I am not sure now if I will resign from the board all together or if I will just sit out the next meeting or two (until this project is wrapped up). I can think of a bunch of reasons to quit: not interested in the group, not committed to the goals, find more than one person difficult to deal with, really over committed with volunteer stuff in general.

In favor of staying: it's a professional organization that may have events I want to be part of in the future...

Anyway, this is more of a rant/vent than anything else. I started getting the hostile emails last night and really just can't believe the tone of them. It's like because I am the only other person who has ever done something on this project, she thinks I am going to do all of the stuff she doesn't want to.

I received an apology from the president of the board, who pretty much said that he was sorry it had happened but that he couldn't do anything because of the funding situation. What? And you still consider staying? You are being taken for a ride, I think. Surely you have better things to do with your precious time.

Thanks, I *do* feel like I am being taken advantage of and there are a lot more interesting things I could be doing with my time. I just feel weird about quitting abruptly - it will be so obvious that it's because I'm angry about this project. There's something coming up in May that I kind of wanted to be a part of, but maybe I need to rethink that...

I do a lot of volunteer work and it turns out there are still difficult people and situations to navigate even when you are working for free! There is only a certain level of negativity I will put up with in any volunteer position because I am not being paid. If you decide to leave now, it may be obvious why you are quitting but does that really matter?

You're right, it really doesn't matter, does it?

The more I think about it, the more I really should just quit. I've been ruminating about the rude emails all day. I should just send in my resignation and be done with this.

I kind of feel with you are going through, but it's not because of anyone in particular. I've been a volunteer firefighter for 13 years, and over the last couple of years I just don't "feel it" anymore if that makes any sense. There has been numerous times that I have considered resigning, but I'm kind of in the awkward position of my father-in-law being the fire chief, my cousin being the assistant chief, and brother-in-law being a captain and not wanting to let them down.

I would quit and just keep light tabs on the organization, see if anything comes up you want to be part of and then rejoin? It does not sound like you are having fun or getting anything out of being a member at the moment? It sounds like it was easy to join and become a board member, you could do that later if you see something you like or that could be advantageous to your career.

Dan, that is a long time to volunteer with one group! It sounds very awkward for you to resign given how many family members are in it.

I still haven't decided what to do. Someone asked me for something today and I sent them to someone else. I may try to finish out my term as a fairly inactive board member.

I am worried that if I quit, it will be awkward just being a plain old member. I don't want to be a board member, but I do want to be a member, even if I am not that active. The person I am having the conflict with is going to be there long after all of our terms expire...

Woah - the bossy person quit the board! After taking over my event and changing everything, she sent an email at the last minute letting us know that she was done!

I am glad that I decided not to go to tonight's meeting, because I am sure I would have been stuck with all the work she's leaving undone.

I had a crappy day at work dealing with my bossy coworker. I wish I could quit. That is great this person resigned and it sounds like you will be able to continue on the board. I wish my coworker would quit.

Wow! I didn't see that coming (the bossy person quitting). I guess that makes things a little easier, doesn't it? Although... you sounded so ambivalent about being on the board, are you going to be able to stick it out, do you think, and avoid getting more stuff thrown at you?

I was going to say (before she quit) that if you quit and everyone knew why, that might be a GOOD thing. They need volunteers, and if there's someone causing them to quit, they need to address that! But, I guess that's all moot now!

Glad you weren't there, and didn't get stuck with any more work!

K2TOG, I hope your crappy coworker quits. We do luck out sometimes

This person quitting really changes things for the board. Her organization provided the funding. She's said that will continue, but I wonder. It's a really weird sort of relationship between her, her org, and the board. In a way, our board is an offshoot of her org. Without her org, we don't exist, at least not in the way we exist now. Her quitting was an announcement that she will no longer go to any of our meetings.

I haven't decided if I am going to quit this board or just become a sort of inactive member who only shows up to a third of the meetings like most of the other members. I *have* decided that I am not going to volunteer to do anything else for this organization that isn't 100% fun (i.e. attend events I am interested in, nothing else).

I don't want to quit just yet because there is a party I want to go to in May Technically, I can go just as a member of the organization and not a board member, but one of the reasons I joined the board was because they have better access to information than the regular members. I was hoping I could help improve communication to general membership, but Ms. Bossypants had her own ideas about that, so I dropped it. I think she is still going to control that piece.

The board is one of those things that looks good on a resume, so most of the 'volunteers' seem to have signed up just for that reason. Unfortunately, that group of volunteers was in the majority and chose the initiatives for this year. I have absolutely no interest in working on the set of initiatives we wound up with. It's sort of like the board is split into two groups: 3-4 of us who are interested in X and 12 who are nominally interested in Y but who don't show up or do anything. They just outvote the rest!

That's too bad that so many on the board are interested in a different set of projects, and that they're outvoting you! I love the idea to only sign up for things that are fun though that sounds like "good self care" to me!

The event the bossy person took over is turning out pretty poorly. One of the people she insisted take the place of someone I had already secured has dropped out. Her narrow interpretation of the event is really not interesting to the general public, so no one is signing up.

Part of me is kind of giggling at this, but the other part of me is embarrassed because I am on the committee that is supposed to be putting this together. I never officially quit the committee, I just stopped volunteering to do anything after the rude emails.