Dealing with rude coworkers and customers....

I feel the word anti-social is being misused here. Anti-social means actively causing problems for others and getting a kick from that - whereas unsocial means someone who doesn't enjoy or seek company of others - I suspect people may have meant the latter because anti-social is one heck of a label to give someone.

Note to Shy I'm not saying you're unsocial either. Just trying to make sense of the others posts.

I used the word antisocial, for lack of any other word I could think of. I certainly did not mean Antisocial Personality Disorder. I can't think of the right word between shy and antisocial to describe what I'm detecting from Shy's perspective. I didn't mean to hurt or offend.

Also, I am not trying to insult to say you don't really want to work. It's OK if you don't. Let's be honest, it's just us on here, and no one who knows you IRL, you didn't want to have to deal with these jobs and did it to try to save your house.

Also, even saying the people you come into contact with are rude I feel is something you are somehow bringing on yourself.

I worked retail for many years and now I work in very stressful, big money negotiations where people are really rude because they are under severe financial stress. It's just part of my job. As long as I do my job correctly, there's nothing they can say to me or about me that matters because I didn't do anything wrong. If they are just nasty, I try to calm them down to deal with the stress or I can refer them to my superior to deal with.

I'm sorry I weighed in. I probably didn't help anyway. Peace out.

Frankly I probably wouldn't mind not working if I could afford it because I already worked over 30 years so I guess I had enough. But I can't afford. So if someone can afford to not work then good for them.

I think it's just difficulty with interpersonal relationship and social skills. Not every person who has trouble with friendships and relationships with people is unsocial or anti . Just having difficulty. It could be worked on in therapy.

I agree with Finnicky that definitely you are very sensitive. Being very sensitive, you have to learn how to cope with that in a situation where people are going to criticize you, whether it's managers or customers or fellow employees. Therapy will help with this--you can learn how to cope with negative things that people might say to you.

I am ALSO a very sensitive person, and I have learned how to let things go that are really coming out because of the other person's problems. Like that manager who yelled at you, that was because she has issues, not because of you. So with enough confidence, you could let that go and not let it bother you. I truly do not believe that the answer is to say "Well, I'm sensitive, so it's always going to bother me, so other people have to adjust so as not to hurt my feelings." I think the answer is to acknowledge yourself that you are sensitive, and work on coping skills on how to deal with criticism so it doesn't grind you to a halt. This is what I have done and I am SO much happier now with work and dealing with people.

Good luck,
seesaw

I agree with learning strategies and coping mechanisms so one (especially sensitive person) can survive at work.

But I also think that at some point one needs to learn what jobs that are/aren't suitable for. And go for it. If one doesn't know, then they need to seek professional assistance in figuring things out. We are who we are and sometimes we just have to accept it. And seek appropriate career path

There are plenty of jobs I wouldn't be suitable for and why would I even try? I'd hate to work from home or in a quiet office or be a business owner. Then why would I even bother? And there are many people who would be eaten alive trying my job and they wouldn't last a day. I've met people over the years who tried to get into a career that was completely unsuitable for them. It was a disaster every time.

I also think that quitting jobs no matter how bad they are is a luxury. I could never afford quitting unless I had something else lined up. I once was working in a rather tough situation and we had people quitting in the middle of the day. Couple of us were laughing that the only way we'd leave is if we are fired and even then we'd be kicking and screaming. Those who were quiting clearly didn't rely on paycheck due to someone else supporting them.

But most people rely on paycheck and that paycheck becomes more important than someone looked at us funny or made a comment or even yelled. If paycheck becomes important then people do everything possible to find ways to cope etc

Thank you very much for this post. My jaw dropped to the floor when I read the anti social accusation. That's like calling someone a sociopath.

It's impossible to know if someone is shy or introverted over the Internet. Many shy, introverted people do very well expressing themselves on the internet and in real life.

When you get trampled on enough, even a shy introverted person will lose their stuff and say things they might not have otherwise. If your manager YELLS at you, it's not acceptable and should be addressed. Being a manager does not give someone a right to verbally abuse people. Yelling is abusive. If you were yelled at a lot in your life you might have normalized this behavior but it's not normal or acceptable in the work place, especially from people in positions of power.

You are over reacting to the word antisocial. I was not implying any disorder. Certainly not calling anyone a sociopath. Antisocial means "not sociable, not wanting the company of others".

I stand by what I said.

Shy and introverted are clinical terms. The first time I was called these things it was after testing and clinical diagnostic including several visits to a therapist. People are saying the diagnostics of the OP are not accurate and being told they fall into another catagory with clinical meaning. This is not safe in my opinion but I accept that others do not see what I see.

My opinion is just a layperson's POV. I'm no clinician. Just take it with a grain of salt.

You may have meant it in this context (I suspected you did) but that is not what it means:

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/unsociable

Scroll down and you'll understand what I mean.

I think it's just tishas opinion that there are some signs exhibited. Not like she diagnosed anyone.

Trish has every right to her opinion and had every right to state it. I felt it was not factual and potentially dangerous so I expressed that. Nobody did anything wrong. I didn't even remember the name of who posted it so it was definately nothing against Trish. I like Trish and she provides great advise and has helped me sort through things. I hope we are all mature enough to accept another side of something. I learn things all the time. Sometimes I start with one opinion and it changes as the thread unfolds. I learn something new all the time and appreciate the lessons.

Completely agree seesaw! My first few jobs as a teen I realized I was NOT fairing well and didn't understand it and thought others were to blame.. By age 20-21 I started to realize I was taking things very seriously and personally and it was making work hard for me.. I started working on myself. Realizing that helped me a lot but there is still a limit to the type of socialization I can handle/can't handle. I learned I have a huge aversion to "fakeness" and unauthenticity from people so I try to work where people don't have to pretend as much. Some jobs with the public require too much selling and fakeness and I can't take it.

Divine1966
I agree too with understanding what one is and is not good at handling/enjoying on a job and going from there. I also understand what its like to get into a job you can't just up and leave.. Sometimes you think you are getting into something that fits you well based on the way it is presented, and you get in and it's very different.