Dealing with rude coworkers and customers....

Whether in a social setting or at the workplace, I think there is no single answer that fits every person in every situation. I have never been in a true fist-fight in my entire life and would likely never win one, but there have still been times when I have bluffed people into backing down...and yet there have also been times when I know it could have been deadly for me to not be the one doing the backing away and leaving.

In recent months this is the 3 rd job that seems your having the same exact problem in each one.

I'm not being rude but I think you need to look into your own possible issues. You also have per your threads.... major issues in your marriage.

I was in a dark place about 8 or so years ago , I felt attacked from all sides about any and everything, I did lots of self reflection and worked with a Therapist.... I was the one that had problems communicating with family and friends.

I hope you find a way to navigate life in calmer waters than your currently fighting going upstream.

Life truly is what you make of it.

Find some peace and happiness.

I have to admit I've been wondering the same thing as Christina. You seem to have a problem with each job that comes your way.

I understand that you've been sexually harassed, but maybe that has made you too sensitive to other interactions where there is possible criticism?

seesaw

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That's true. I'll try to do what I can to not be a target and not show weakness anymore. If people can sense that I'm a loner, shy, sensitive, or whatever, then I'll keep on having problems with bullies. I need to keep my mouth shut more and not let them know about my problems as they'll most likely use that against me at work. You can never really trust most people at work.

[quote=sophiesmom;5405068]Shy, I'm a little baffled by you. Do you have some anger issues you're dealing with, perhaps, that we don't know about? It might help me (and others) have some perspective on this.

Keep your head down and your mouth closed when in a work environment. Work is not the same as a social situation and I'm not sure that you know this yet....you won't get the kind of justice that I think you're looking for.

I hope you find a job in the future that agrees with your personality because that has to be the most difficult thing and, in the mean time, you simply have to not complain. Unless this is all just a vent, and you're not planning on behaving this way in reality.
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No, I don't really have anger issues. I just tend to get frustrated and annoyed easily. I am emotional at times, but I try to control my emotions as best as I can. I am a sensitive person. I hate that.

I wish that I could get a job to where I can be left alone and not have to deal with anyone period. I have done fine with customers, but I'd much rather not deal with people in general unless they're my friends or people that I like and know. I do talk with people at the store sometimes.

I'm not anti-social. I just need more space and I need to not be around people all the time to not feel stressed out and overwhelmed by all the social interaction and expectations put upon me as it's exhausting at times. And let's face it, some people are just plain rude, annoying, mean, etc....

I am mostly venting, but I will speak up the next time someone tries to bully me at work. I actually told one lady to not talk to me a certain way the other day and she backed off. She called my new friend a psycho so apparently I need to let her know that she can't bully me and get away with it.

She seems like she might be a bully. I need to show bullies right away that I'm not an easy target and that I will speak up. I refuse to be bullied again or treated like crap. It seems like the people who are telling me to let it go and stuff like that have probably never been bullied before so they have no idea what it's like to be bullied. It's not OK to bully people and be mean to them for no reason.

Anyone who thinks that I'm being to sensitive about this lacks empathy IMHO. How would you feel if someone bullied you, your kids, your spouse, friends, or your family? I bet those of you who told me to let it go would get pissed if this affected you personally.

[quote=sophiesmom;5405068]Shy, I'm a little baffled by you. Do you have some anger issues you're dealing with, perhaps, that we don't know about? It might help me (and others) have some perspective on this.

Keep your head down and your mouth closed when in a work environment. Work is not the same as a social situation and I'm not sure that you know this yet....you won't get the kind of justice that I think you're looking for.

I hope you find a job in the future that agrees with your personality because that has to be the most difficult thing and, in the mean time, you simply have to not complain.
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I'll remember not to complain and never ever tell anyone any personal stuff especially since my manager says that everyone there tells her everything. They all gossip too. I don't care if they don't like me or not. I'm not there to make friends. I'm there for a paycheck.

I try to be friendly to other people and so far everyone else that I met there is fine except for some of the deli people who seem to be cliquey and annoyed at me for not getting things faster. I don't care though. It's their job to teach me things. I'm trying my best.

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Well, first of all, I have noticed that a lot of people at work tend to be very social and outgoing. I'm not an extrovert apparently. I do try to be polite and talk to people, but with some people, they sometimes think I'm "weird", "snotty", or that I don't like them just because I don't talk to them all the time or tell them about my personal life.

That's their problem, not mine. Also, a lot of people have already stated that bullies always target the loners and shy people at work. So that is another issue that I had. I did not try to make friends at work to protect myself. Big mistake. I'm trying to make allies and work buddies who will have my back if I need their help. I will probably not be bullied if I'm not seen as being a weak and easy target. I didn't speak up right away when I was bullied. I should have.

I also should've been more careful at my last jobs and should have stayed away from the girls who were mean and unfriendly. I kept on being nice to most of them which was pointless.

It's not my fault if some people have issues with my personality. I'm a nice person. If they end up hating me for being different or not being a chatterbox, then that's their problem, not mine. It sounds like I'm being blamed for the problems that I encountered. That's not fair at all.

I had my stuff stolen at one job. I should've been more careful. It's not my fault that I tend to attract asshole bullies and weirdos. So please stop acting like I'm the one at fault here. I know that I made some mistakes here and there, but I won't make them again. I've just had some bad luck at the last few places.

Haven't any of you ever worked at a job to where it wasn't a good fit for you, or the boss or your coworkers were difficult to work with and no matter what you did, how hard you worked, or how nice you tried to be, it made no difference in their attitude towards you at all?

It doesn't sound like it. Consider yourself lucky. And I refuse to kiss anyone's *** or act fake to be liked and accepted. I am who I am. I don't like playing office politics. I'm nice, honest, hard working, and I don't bother anyone. That should be good enough for other people.

Anyways, sorry if I come across as being rude here, but I'm sick of being blamed for things that are out of my control. I can't make everyone like me or whatever. All I can do is try my best. And I mostly did just that. Sorry to hear about those dark days. I hope that you're doing better now.

Anyone who has NOT been bullied at work, school, or anywhere else is very lucky and people who have never been a victim have a very hard time understanding those of us who have been bullied it seems like. It almost sounds like some people on here think that we did something wrong and that we somehow provoked other people or that we're angry, or that we're wrong to be upset at being bullied and that we should just let things go.

Please don't judge me when you have no idea of the hell I have put up with for years.

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Please read what I wrote to Christina. No offense, but it sounds like you're blaming me for having all these issues at my previous jobs. Let's face the facts, there will usually be one or more asshole, psycho, control freak, perverts, and people like that at most jobs unfortunately.

It sounds like some of you have been extremely lucky to never have experienced that at work. You have no idea what it's like to be bullied and harassed it seems like. I'm sorry, but I sensing a lack of empathy here and some judgement. Not to be rude, just saying. Try putting yourself in my shoes instead of acting like I'm the problem.

Like others have said, I had a target on my back for being shy, a loner, different, quiet, not having real friends at work, etc....I'm trying to do what I can to make work buddies who'll have my back so that bullies will stay away from me. I'll try to get on my deli managers good side and talk to her more as well as the assistant manager. I'll have to put on an act even when they annoy me. I can do it. It's just draining and I'm not used to that.

Maybe they'll lighten up then and start treating me better. I'll be nice to everyone but I'm sure as hell not there to make friends. If people have an issue with me not wanting to be their friend, that's their issue, not mine.

Shy, we can only go by what you have told us.

I don't believe that I'm the only one who's coming to the conclusion that your expectations of work are not the reality of what it's like :-/ A lot of us have worked a lot of jobs and perhaps you could take that into consideration when reading the advice we have given you on several of your posts. I mean that with utmost kindness.

To take matters to the extreme AND to make a point that I hope you will think about, I could (possibly) accuse you of being a bully when you consistently accuse us of lack of empathy.

(Seriously JUST trying to make a point with that. You are NOT a bully ...a term that I believe is being overused today in general.)

Take care and good luck to you. Most of all, I wish you some peace.

Hugs...

I totally agree. Case in point is saying the deli manager might be a bully. If expecting you to arrive on time and expecting your job to be done properly and in a timely fashion while leaving your personal issues at home where they belong is considered bullying then call me the queen bee bully. Stop expecting your coworkers and managers to be your friend, but your head down and do your job while keeping your personal drama at home and I can guarantee your employment issues will disappear.

: agree:

You are soooo right!! The people responding to your post have no clue at all what you are going through. You came here for understanding and what do you get?? You get blamed for being a good person. I know all about that. The problem is NOT YOU. The problem lies with the bullies and those who support them or are too afraid to speak up in your defense. There is a lot of FEAR going around the office unbeknownst to many people. FEAR of BULLIES. The replies you received here are off the wall. I'm sorry for the lack of support.

Being sensitive, kind and friendly is not a problem. The problem is the cruel treatment that you received from bullies. People who feel superior to others have a SICK personality that causes them to put good people down. They are very careful about who they show their prejudice to. That's how they get away with things.

Let me add that as far as getting work buddies and allies, I have been sorely burned in that department as well. If you can make an ally you are lucky. Maybe one in a million. I have found that many pretend to be your ally but when called upon in time of need they turned their back on me. I would not have done that to them but this is how good people are treated. Just letting you know my experience. Doesn't pay to be nice except to strangers. I intend to only be kind to strangers because the people I knew stabbed me in the back more than once. Good luck. I hope your life turns out better than mine.

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Once again, I have just had some bad luck with some jobs and some people. I have gotten along fine with most people at previous jobs. All of my previous managers were ok. I mostly had issues with the silly younger immature queen bee girls at work who'd kiss up to the managers. They were untouchable as the managers liked them.

I was getting frustrated at not getting much support at times and having people act like I'm the one with the issue. I have done nothing wrong. Like I said, I'm different, shy, and mostly a loner, so for some reason, people don't respond well to that. Most people tend to dislike people who are different from them. Introverts only make up a very small part of the population. I don't get why extroverts tend to get offended when we keep to ourselves or label us as being weird. I feel like I'm being judged, so of course I'm not happy about that. I already know that I made some mistakes and I'm not going to make the same ones again.

This is tiring to have to explain myself again and again that I'm not the problem usually. Other people are at times. For example, my deli manager shouldn't have yelled at me when I told her another manager logged me in and approved me working at a different time to make up for my lost time the day tat I was late. I regret not having made up some lie about having an emergency. I should've done that to keep the peace. I don't always think like a savvy person though, ugh!

My manager should have told me that she was the only person that I should come to about a scheduling or time clock issue. She NEVER told me that until recently and yelled at me. She was mean and unprofessional. Not cool. She should've been calm and respectful. I understand that she was upset, but I don't deserve to be yelled at. That was very mean and rude.

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Thanks for finally getting it! I'm done with explaining to things to people who seem to think that I'm the problem here and that every bad thing that happens to me at work is somehow my fault, or that I'm being to sensitive. Whatever!

I'll ignore those responses from now on. I'm tired and stressed out and don't need or want to deal with any more judgement and accusations of how I'm doing this and that wrong and that I should just grow a thicker skin and not complain to anyone about anything, ugh!

That's exactly why bullies get away with what they do. They know that most people are either afraid of them, or that others just don't care about how bullying affects other people. As long as it's not happening to them, who cares, right?

As for allies at work, as well as work "friends" I think that is a rare thing, to find a true friend and ally at work. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been stabbed in the back. I have had that happen to me too. So I keep my distance from people. I don't trust anyone at work at all 100%. There is no shame in speaking up, and it doesn't make you a whiner, high maintenance, or whatever. It makes you a damn hero! People are much to scared of bullies. Either that or they just don't care about work place bullying. Like I said, if it's not happening to them, who cares?

All I can do is continue to do my best at work, watch my back, be friendly, but not to trusting, and just smile and nod at my managers even when they're being rude and condescending towards me as I do need money. So I have to suck it up, ugh! I have to try to act like I like them no matter what so they can maybe be nicer to me. Honestly, working with other women sucks usually as most women who have positions of power abuse it from what I've seen. It's sick. And people who abuse others at work are sick in the head. Maybe if more people spoke up and stuck up for one another, then maybe there wouldn't be as many bullies in the work place as there is now.

Ever watch Horrible Bosses, Office Space, or the Devil Wears Prada? Bullies are crazy and they often get away with a lot that they shouldn't. Someone needs to be brave enough to step up and let them know that it's not OK to treat someone like crap just because they're supposedly not as "important" as them. I'm a proud renegade and I hope that I can inspire people to change and that my words and actions can help stop work place bullying and harassment to some degree.

Thanks for getting it! Never let a bully or sexual predator get away with making your life a living hell. Always report them. And report them immediately. Go above their heads if you have to. People, stop making excuses for bad behavior and stop being afraid of them.

One lady I used to know had to start taking anti depressants after being consistently being bullied by her female boss. She was also bullying other people there. They are sick and they need to be stopped. I'm documenting everything now just in case I ever need to go above anyone's heads. Obviously some people on here have never been bullied, but I'm a bit shocked at how some are quick to blame the victim.

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Well, if it weren't for the fact that she yelled at me, threatened to fire me, and that she got pissed at me for going to another manager to approve my time stamp and stuff like that, that kind of makes her a bully in a way.

Doesn't it? I'm not so sure if my problems will go away if I just do my job. I did just that before and still got bullied. Bully's are on power trips and sick in the head. She never told me that I had to come to her only for clock in issues.

I've already stated that I don't give a **** if they're my friend or not. I just want to be treated with respect. I feel like they're never going to let my mistakes go. I hope that I'm wrong about that. I'll just do the best that I can and do what they tell me to w/o complaining and try not to bug them with to many of the same questions.. Got a notepad today. Oh, and I was accused of giving them attitude when I wasn't doing that at all. All I did was say I know to one assistant manager and she got all pissy and called me rude and thought that I was mad at her. I wasn't, and I told her that I didn't mean to be rude and that she just misunderstood me. Whatever. My new work ally told me that they're cliquey and that they get off on power.

Did I mention that one lady there called my new friend a psycho? How rude! They keep her around since they're so short staffed all the time. Now that she's out due to being injured there, they're even more short staffed than ever.

Did I not mention that people have quit that job left and right and that people often come in sick? Red flag alert anyone? I'll definitely have to be careful and watch my back with these people but try to be nice and friendly to them at the same time. And trust me, they will know nothing about my personal feelings or life at all. I'll only make small talk with them at best as they're all a bunch of gossips there. I've never really ever trusted anyone at work 100%.

Your error in thinking here is assuming those of us here are extroverts or have never been bullied or scolded at work. I DO think you throw that word around a bit too much, seeming to continuously put the blame on other people (pretty much everyone) rather than seeing your own tendency to come on here and gossip, complain, and judge everyone you come into contact with at work who asks you to do your job up to standards. They aren't being unreasonable to expect even new employees to adhere to work standards even from the very first day. Seems unfair, but the customers expect the same standard from every employee no matter what their level of experience. That is what the customers pay for, and the customers are the focus of any retail business.

Most of us have many years of working experience, and we've simply learned that to survive in the work world, you show up on time, you do what you are asked, you complain as little as possible, you follow the correct chain of command, and you realize that there will ALWAYS be people at work who snap at people or are simply just jerks. It generally isn't personal (they're just having a bad moment) and if you'll just let it go and correct your errors in the future, it probably won't even happen again. Try not to assume that one correction (even if impolite) means they are going to have it out for you from then on. People have bad moments. They get snappy and they move on; they don't generally spend time think about it later. We also know some people are just jerks and will always be jerks, and we've learned how to work with and around those people too. Complaining about them probably won't get us anywhere either because they'll always be that way. If you can't work around them, then get a different job, but if you need the job, you find a way to manage their jerkiness without taking it personally. Getting confrontational usually will simply result in getting fired. If you are okay with getting fired, then have at it, but most of us need the money first and will find a way to work around the jerks in the world. The ability to let their jerkiness simply be their jerkiness and not take it personally (they're probably that way to everyone) is a survival skill in the work force.

Retail is hard work and if it isn't the managers snapping (they have their job to do and they aren't always people people themselves), then it's the coworkers; if it isn't the coworkers, it's the customers. You learn to enjoy the people you work with who you can enjoy, tolerate the ones that you have no choice but to tolerate, work around the jerks, and manage the customers (even the rude ones) with a smile even when they are being obnoxious. If you can't do those things, retail may not be the kind of job for you and you may need to look into something different.

I must concur with everything lolagrace said.

We aren't trying to make you feel bad. We are trying to help you shift your perspective so you can be successful in the workplace. But hey, if you want to continue to be miserable, have at it.

I think you use the term bully for anyone who says anything to you that you don't like.

I've watched you with three different jobs now complain about the same issues. However when you describe what was actually done, it does not sound like bullying to me. And it does not sound like anything out of the ordinary in regards to a workplace. Workplaces are filled with lots of different personality types. You have to learn to work with them all. No work place is going to be perfect.

On another note, I would be wary of the employee who has befriended you and is saying bad things about the employer to you. Someone who is willing to bad mouth the employer to you when you've been there a week is a gossip and is not to be trusted. She may lead you astray and get you in trouble. Just a warning there.

Good luck.

seesaw

Excuse me, but I have felt with far worse than what you have been describing at your work lately. I have been through HELL at previous positions and I know exactly what it's like to feel like you're losing your mind because of systematic bullying at work.

The red flag I see with your experiences is that you've only been there a few days and already there is bullying. The same with the last job, and you had problems with the Amazon job before you even started it. To tell you the truth, if I was an employer, and I was interviewing you, all these extremely short employment terms would make me wary to hire you, because as soon as I finished training you, you'd leave.

When you come on here and ask for support, people are going to have varying opinions. You can take it or leave it. But don't assume you know anything about us.

It's possible that retail isn't good fit for you since you seem to have difficulty with every job. I wonder if vocational services of sorts might be helpful. Working with a professional figuring out what career path is suitable for you and also working with a professional on improving your interpersonal skills might really help you. Talk to a therapist why things aren't working out for you?

Have you ever took a career test. It's very likely that retail wouldn't show up as the best option for you.

You also need to understand that retail is profit driven and if employees cannot keep up managers will not deal with it. Also the fact that people come and go, that what happens in retail. It's low pay no skills types of jobs. People don't last in those jobs. Unless you are going to go for management positions, you'll see that people don't stick around.

After my district took pay cut I took extra job few nights a week in a big retail chain. It allows me to supplement my income with $500 a month doing something mindless. Everyone there has a day full time job and needs a part time supplement or is in school. The only permanent full time people are the ones who have plans to be managers. It's very fast pace and who cannot keep up leave. Some people leave because they have other stuff going on. It is not a job to fuss over. You do it well, get your paycheck and go home or you leave.

Have you seen the therapist. You said you found free place

You knowwwwwww, if you can be even half as *****y as you were to Chris, Seesaw and whoever else attempted to help you from a different perspective (introspection) then you'll do just fine with any other bullies who may cross your path.

Just a thought.

I want to clear the air here. I'm not mad or upset with you, Shy. I just see the bigger picture of all the things that you say and notice a pattern. We are just trying to help you and we WANT to see you succeed.

Anything we say is out of a desire to help, not to make you feel bad.

Good luck,
seesaw

I just genuinely think that proffessional help is the best solution. Career/vocational services and general therapy for other issues. People are trying to help but there is no improvement. What happened to free therapy? I really hoped that employment was a great ���� Idea but it seems to not go anywhere due to other issues unresolved. I am willing to research resources in your area

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I get that. I'm not there to make friends. I'm there to get a paycheck. I know that I need to try to be polite and friendly to everyone there. I don't give anyone attitude and I don't judge people until they do that to me. I try not to do that though. Sometimes I do let my emotions get to me. The other day instead of ignoring this one lady how got annoyed at me, I told her to please not talk to me that way and that it hurt my feelings and to not do it again.

I find that people at work are sometimes snotty and judgemental to me before they even get to know me. They don't even bother saying hi to me at times, but at least I try.

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OK, sorry about jumping to conclusions. I was just very upset and not thinking straight last night. Plus I was drinking, lol. Of course not all extroverts are like that. I was just in a bad mood. And a worse one now as I think that I just got fired. I get what you're saying. Still, it's not OK to yell at other people.

I was doing better and doing everything by the book and following instructions to the T and I was fired today! WTF? My deli manager told me that she'd give me two weeks to get up to speed, then she cut my hours and told me to go home early today.

I KNEW something was wrong, and I was right. I then told her if I was being fired. She said not necessarily. She told me to talk to the store manager who wasn't there. She told me that I'm not a good fit for the deli and maybe I can be transferred up front. Also, I have a strong feeling that she didn't really like me. She's a talker and likes to joke and I'm quiet and serious. She never even tried to get to know me. A few of the other girls there did. Whatever.

I hope that IF they actually keep me there, that whatever position that I get will be much less fast paced and stressful. I hope that they put me in produce or stock.

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Hi, sorry if I came across as being harsh. I admit that I was drinking when I was on here last night. Thanks for your honesty. I don't expect much of people at work except to be treated with respect and like a human being. I do get that not everyone will like me, or vice versa, but as long as no one bothers me, I'm fine.

I think that I was fired today. My hours were cut and I was told to go home early by the deli manager. I knew something was off so I asked her about things and she said not necessarily and that I might just get transferred up front. I'm not sure what I'll be doing IF that's the case or not. She told me that I'm not a good fit for the deli and I calmly told her that I'm not and that was OK.

I wish that she would've given me more of a chance though. She did tell me that she'd give me two more weeks before making a decision. And that was only a few days ago. I've barely been there a week! Weird!I was starting to do better too! Even the customers thought I was doing a good job!

I hope that wasn't a lie. She told me to talk to the office manager. I did email him calmly about this today. I hope that working up front will be easier and less stressful and that the people won't be cliquey and end up being nicer. Everyone there seems nice aside from some of the deli people who seemed a bit cold towards me at times.

Good attitude, imo. Accept the work assignment and get good at it while letting the relationships with others develop along the way.