I Feel Stuck in Life

I am having suicidal thoughts these days. specially loosing my life career opportunity just because not able to controlling my emotions. I moved in a new city started with a good salary and position. Yet, I was not handle the situation, I always thought, "why I left my job, why I moved this city, I was happy with lesser salary," and so on so forth, endless rumination. finally I resign from the job come back to my old city also to the old job. Now I settled, when I look back how unrealistic those thoughts were. Also I am getting so frustrated specially thinking that opportunity never come again, I lost it for nothing, company owner did not accept my resign and insisted on to stay but I did not listen. I lied to them just to run away. As if I were bewitched, I hear no one, see no one. I waited 18 years for that position. What happened to me that was not me. Now I am having serious problem with my wife. She did her best to relieve me, she always told me turning back old city/job would make you worse but I did not listen, I was so blind. Now I am full of regret making me so sad. My wife wanted to divorce cuz Im having unstable emotions but we have 2 kids thus she just cant leave.

I have no one to talk frankly, I find this blog to pour out.

Hello acrobatfirst: I'm sorry you have had this distressing experience. Hopefully coming here to PsychCentral can be of some comfort & support. You mentioned you are having suicidal thoughts. These should not be ignored. (I've been there a couple of times.) If you continue to struggle, please reach out, in real life, for help with your sadness & suicidal thinking.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

Thankyou Skeezyks: I am so confused, I know, I need a professional help. I am getting numb. Every morning when A wake up, I am thinking, come on one more day just get through this day.

((((HUGS))))
maybe your wife is disappointed in your choice...but, give it some time..she's still there..maybe there is still hope for you and your family...what's done is done...but if her problem is she is fed up that she feels you never listened to her..well then let her know that you are listening. You are sorry you wish you had you made a mistake but you can not undone the job circumstances, but if you are willing and able to address her needs otherwise and show her how much you truly appreciate her and love her and value her..that's what it really is all about...at the end of the day everyone just wants to feel loved, valued and heard.
Maybe I am misunderstanding if so I apologize...
But hang in there!..whatever happens there is the hope of tomorrow.
-LITW

I have felt like I am going down a dead end street (life) as well. its not easy to manage but we have to try.

Your not alone.
Just know that. I'm glad you got your old job back.