[lkg2188]

Hi guys,

I'm new here so not sure this is the right place but I'll try here anyway.

I'll try to keep it short.

I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 5, maybe 6 years ago. In my previous job I had confided this to a couple of people I trusted.

Anyway fast forward to the present. In my new job that I started a year and a half ago I became good friends with my team lead (strictly platonic).

Recently we had an argument because he took credit for an important piece of work that I led. We had a private confrontation where he threatened to ruin my reputation (as apparently I already had a bad reputation in my previous job and everyone knew)

He was also angry I was hanging out with another team member who was actually a friend as well (surprise surprise).

So after our conversation he went up to her telling her not to go near me.

He's somehow found out I was mentally ill and was spreading rumours that I am unstable. I have worked REALLY hard to gain stability and his actions are really triggering.

I found out pretty quickly and am in the process of taking him to HR but I'm really stressed out about it.

Moreover given my field of work (consultant) I can't afford for this kind of thing to happen

I'm a bit lost and not sure what to do really...maybe I should move on to another job?

Sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening.

- L

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are going through such a tough situation. I don't think you should necessarily leave unless it causes you too much stress and continues to be triggering to stay there. A toxic work environment is never worth it at the price of your mental health.

You know the saying actions speak louder then words? Just keep being you, being stable and friendly and your co-workers will not believe any of the mentally ill or unstable stories the team member espouses. I am glad you are taking him to HR to protect yourself. Good luck and best wishes.

[reb569]

Your title suggests that this person is your boss, in which case he has violated privacy rules as well as being a vindictive a$$hole. im glad you are taking this to HR. Sorry this has happened to you. If anyone should leave, it should be him, not you.

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by lkg2188

Hi guys,


I'm new here so not sure this is the right place but I'll try here anyway.


I'll try to keep it short.


I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 5, maybe 6 years ago. In my previous job I had confided this to a couple of people I trusted.


Anyway fast forward to the present. In my new job that I started a year and a half ago I became good friends with my team lead (strictly platonic).


Recently we had an argument because he took credit for an important piece of work that I led. We had a private confrontation where he threatened to ruin my reputation (as apparently I already had a bad reputation in my previous job and everyone knew)


He was also angry I was hanging out with another team member who was actually a friend as well (surprise surprise).


So after our conversation he went up to her telling her not to go near me.


He's somehow found out I was mentally ill and was spreading rumours that I am unstable. I have worked REALLY hard to gain stability and his actions are really triggering.


I found out pretty quickly and am in the process of taking him to HR but I'm really stressed out about it.


Moreover given my field of work (consultant) I can't afford for this kind of thing to happen


I'm a bit lost and not sure what to do really...maybe I should move on to another job?


Sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening.


- L

I'm sorry to hear this! Quite frankly, I'm also shocked. Your boss sounds like the unstable one! He sounds controlling and manipulative, not to mention that he is acting in ways that can have serious repercussions on his career.
Just keep your head held high, do not react negatively, and rise above his tyrannical vindictiveness.
When others see you doing this, you won't look like the unstable one, HE will.

eaceandlove:

[fishin fool]

You did the right thing by going to HR.
If you like your job don't leave, I hope he gets in some kind of trouble.

[lkg2188]

Thanks for the support guys. I have been speaking to some of my colleagues as well (ofc I didn't tell them about the bipolar part) but they have been really supportive ☺️

Like what is the best way to raise to HR and protect myself through constructive criticism so my character is not soiled.

Reb569, yes he is technically my boss. We were good friends before this episode. As it happens he has been feeding me with what I now believe are lies about other people:

One is doing / needs counselling
One is incompetent
One is over dependent (this guy got fired )

All of these people are decent people (I know all of them) and I almost think he was trying to keep me away from them

To be fair my view of him is rather biased but I have no doubt the rumours will persist even if I leave.

Senior management is setting a meeting between he and I (I am sh1tting myself). It will be mediated by senior management but I think ultimately this is an interim to HR.

I'm not sure I'll keep my cool during the meeting ��

[Altarian]

I had a supervisor who pulled the letting everyone know about my mental state years ago too. I wish i had went to HR like you did instead of fighting negative with negative and doing to him what he did to me. I really hope HR does something about it. I'm presuming you are female? It doesn't matter what gender you are but it sounds like to a point he thinks you and him are more than just professional friends. I'm sorry he is pulling this crap and please stay safe.

[lkg2188]

Originally Posted by Altarian

I had a supervisor who pulled the letting everyone know about my mental state years ago too. I wish i had went to HR like you did instead of fighting negative with negative and doing to him what he did to me. I really hope HR does something about it. I'm presuming you are female? It doesn't matter what gender you are but it sounds like to a point he thinks you and him are more than just professional friends. I'm sorry he is pulling this crap and please stay safe.

Yes I am female ☺️

Sucks you had the same thing. It tends to wreak havoc with your Zen. Tbh self injury is high in my mind but I haven't done anything (yet). Yes it's something I struggle with occasionally 😑

I fail to see how we could be more than professional friends but I see your point. He may have been thinking that way?

Interestingly some of my colleagues think I'm overreacting taking him to HR but they don't know what he said about me being a nutjob is true 😂

[lkg2188]

Either ways the process is with senior management who will try to resolve this quickly OR it's HR responsibility.

TBH I was to go to HR direct but have decided to wait and see what happens

[Angel Pie]

May I suggest you log down everything that happen. Date & time including people you speak to. Also time with HR and who you spoke with. Simply write everything down - everything. Also do not leave your journal in your office desk. Take with you at all times. My coworker left her notes at her only to find them missing.

Sorry to hear the terrible rotten boss has put you thru. Sounds like you may have a lawsuit against your boss. which is why you need to keep notes.

[lkg2188]

Ok thanks I'll keep notes...

I have been leaving out conversations where people are helping me with suggestions re next steps... should I log that as well?

I know I can take it to fair work Australia (sort of legal representation) but I want to avoid that if I can help it.

I don't want to ruin his career if I don't have to....even if he's a grade-A a$$hole.

Besides a fair work investigation also drags my company through the mud, which is exactly what I DON'T want...I may not agree with all of their ways but I do support my company ��

[lkg2188]

Also I'm debating whether it's too dangerous to tell HR why I really take issue with my boss's actions.

That I am the nutjob he claims I am (though in 'remission')

Not sure whether that would adversely affect my career, whether they will maintain confidentiality, whether my credibility will be impacted etc etc.

Thoughts?

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by lkg2188

Also I'm debating whether it's too dangerous to tell HR why I really take issue with my boss's actions.

That I am the nutjob he claims I am (though in 'remission')

Not sure whether that would adversely affect my career, whether they will maintain confidentiality, whether my credibility will be impacted etc etc.

Thoughts?

They absolutely have to keep it confidential. Ask specifically for absolute confidentiality. If they don't give you that, you would have just cause for legal action to be taken against them. And no, you're not a "nutjob" You're a human being who is working through emotional difficulties (like 90% of the rest of the world). I know it's hard, but try not to be too hard on yourself. And try not to let others' actions make you feel shame because of your difficulties. Mental health is not shameful, it's necessary and healing.

[lkg2188]

Originally Posted by Sassandclass

They absolutely have to keep it confidential. Ask specifically for absolute confidentiality. If they don't give you that, you would have just cause for legal action to be taken against them. And no, you're not a "nutjob" You're a human being who is working through emotional difficulties (like 90% of the rest of the world). I know it's hard, but try not to be too hard on yourself. And try not to let others' actions make you feel shame because of your difficulties. Mental health is not shameful, it's necessary and healing.

Thanks for that ☺️ really means a lot

[Altarian]

Originally Posted by lkg2188

Yes I am female ☺️

Sucks you had the same thing. It tends to wreak havoc with your Zen. Tbh self injury is high in my mind but I haven't done anything (yet). Yes it's something I struggle with occasionally 😑

I fail to see how we could be more than professional friends but I see your point. He may have been thinking that way?

Interestingly some of my colleagues think I'm overreacting taking him to HR but they don't know what he said about me being a nutjob is true 😂

Yes i meant in his mind, based on what you have said here, that he feels and thinks you two are more than just friends. Those who think you are over reacting are just puppets and i personally say don't mind their chittering. When it comes to self harm i only have limited personal experience with it so i'm sorry if what i say comes across as ignorant and please call me out on it if i do. As for self injury, please don't do that. it's only a temporary relief and as cool as i think scar's are it's not something others in a more professional world have a good opinion of. If you get the urge please talk to us so that we can help you as best as we can. Again i think you are doing the best option by reporting it because to a degree it is a form of harassment and that's not acceptable in a professional work environment like what you are part of.

[lkg2188]

Thanks.

Currently I have resisted cutting for now anyway. I'm speaking to my doc Friday so just need to hold out till then.

Senior management are taking their time to progress this and move forward so it's a really frustrating process :-(

Honestly I am tempted to say screw process and go to HR direct. If they think I'm complaining about rumours I am tempted to tell them exactly why I take issue with the statements.

Not only is it harassment it propogates stigma that really shouldn't play a role in career and success.

Tbh I'm scared what will happen next. I'm worried that if I tell HR they will find some excuse or another to give me a 'redundancy package' :-\

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by lkg2188

Thanks.

Currently I have resisted cutting for now anyway. I'm speaking to my doc Friday so just need to hold out till then.

Senior management are taking their time to progress this and move forward so it's a really frustrating process :-(

Honestly I am tempted to say screw process and go to HR direct. If they think I'm complaining about rumours I am tempted to tell them exactly why I take issue with the statements.

Not only is it harassment it propogates stigma that really shouldn't play a role in career and success.

Tbh I'm scared what will happen next. I'm worried that if I tell HR they will find some excuse or another to give me a 'redundancy package' :-\

I'm so sorry you're going through this

You have every right to feel the way you do about management. They should be taking this very seriously.

[mc2ed]

Writing it down....like Angel Pie said....is REALLY IMPORTANT.....try to just be factual not emotional....easy to say....hard to do.....Keep facts....of who you spoke with....about the incident.....

Trying to guess what someone else thinks..or feels......is only creating....I am often stunned by the processes of other peoples thoughts.....my big thing...is when other people take credit for your ideas and what you create....that I often keep a record of that with dates too......as I have had people take credit for my creativity sooooo many times..........I sent a family member to market with my samples....she took orders from my samples and filled them herself...and even took my logo and business plan.....I understand the frustration....and that helpless feeling....it is such a what the hell moment.....

Keeping notes about your contributions with dates included.....it is a point for shutting down these kinds of situations.....It is never a good practice to remain silent when a lie is perpetuated....or there is conflict....addressing it in a timely fashion is the best thing to do.....If you can keep anger and emotions out of it...remaining calm and factual....it gives you the upper hand...I hope it is resolved to your benefit....

[lkg2188]

Thanks ☺️

I have been date / time stamping all relevant events but I'm trying not to push the blame on senior management either (I need them on my side)

But the rate things are going I almost think they are protecting him.

Further evidence. Other people have complained about him in the past and it all fell on deaf ears as far as any of us can tell. I suggested to senior management that they ask these people about his character but again, no action

Also, there was a follow up task that I had to complete but I wasn't involved in any of the background conversation AGAIN!!

I'm basically expected to be a worker with no self respect or brain cells! They say jump off a cliff. I'm not expected to question it.

For a company that espouses equality...what a load of ****ING bulls***!!!

I'm still trying to play by the books and follow process but my patience is wearing thin. What I want to do now is bypass senior management and go straight to HR but I'm sure that's a career limiting move :-\

[lkg2188]

OMG what the actual f***?!

He's being nice to me now! Asked to go with me for coffee!

It's like night and day...am I going mad?!

[lkg2188]

Fyi I don't think HR has intervened yet....

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by lkg2188

OMG what the actual f***?!

He's being nice to me now! Asked to go with me for coffee!

It's like night and day...am I going mad?!

Be careful! This could be some sort of manipulation tactic...

[lkg2188]

That's what I suspect as well. Just need to get out of his clutches somehow.

I had a friend tell me it's my legal right to call in a 'chaperone' if he wants a meeting with me again.

Perhaps if I can't avoid it I can pull the legal card?

[reb569]

I would avoid going to coffee with him, especially if it isn't something he would do with others on the team. If he insists, suggest the whole team go. My guess is he'd back out then. Hang in there.

[lkg2188]

Thanks - that's what he's doing. Singling me out.

I'm really freaking out tbh

I just can't seem to figure this guy out - I mean why is he doing what he is? Suddenly acting like my best friend? It makes no sense :-(