Normally, I can physically handle an 12 hour work day with my 2 jobs (8 hours during the day, 4 hours at night, three times a week, 8 hours on the weekends). But last night, I was pushed past my physical abilities threshold when the store manager on-duty asked me to stay to help close, since they were short employees.

Normally, I'd say "No" to working a 14 hour day. I don't know why I said yes. The retail store closes at midnight. I had worked earlier in the day subbing from 8:30 to 4:30 p.m. and was all set for a 6:30 to 10:30 p.m. shift as I had done prior in the week. But, for some reason, I believed the store manager when he said he wouldn't keep the "closers" past 12:30 p.m. He kept us there until 2 a.m. AND, from 1 to 2 a.m., he was making lewd jokes to the other manager on duty (an assistant store manager who is a young woman around age 21). He made the lewd jokes over the headsets we wear to communicate with each other, so that everyone working could hear him.

So, by the time I got home, I was pretty upset. A store manager is supposed to be the person who is supposed to be an impartial and fair resource for his staff of both genders. But, because he made sexually inappropriate jokes at the 21 year old assistant manager's expense (I will not repeat those here, use your imagination), he has, I feel, created a hostile workplace. Because by condoning his own objectifying humor (i.e. making sexually inappropriate jokes), he is sending a message that he is NOT a fair and impartial resource that you could trust if you were having problems working at this retail store; problems with your co-workers, or with your work schedule, etc.

This morning, I called the night manager at 6 a.m. to tell her what had happened. I told her what the store manager said to the assistant manager (she laughed it off when he made her his target for his sexually inappropriate jokes, maybe because she's only 21 and worried about losing her new job promotion status if she spoke up about his totally unprofessional behavior).

I added that, by doing so, this store manager makes the workplace feel unsafe because as the store manager his job is to be a role model, someone safe to go to for work related issues. But do I feel safe trusting this schmuck with any work place issues after what I heard fly out of his mouth? God, no.

Now, the easiest solution is to just quit this retail job and find another retail job. I'm seriously considering it. That said, I have met a lot of teachers who work there part-time, who are near my age, who I actually have things in common with. So, the social aspect of this part-time retail job is very appealing. And, I can handle working the 4 hour shifts at night; just not a 7 hour night shift in addition to my 8 hour day job as a substitute teacher.

I know some of you will think I was stupid to report this store manager's behavior to another store manager (who is a woman). But, I'm 46. I want to work in a retail environment where I don't have to put up with a pervy store manager who could really create a hostile work environment. Maybe the other long-timers at this store know him well and no one's said anything because they value their job.

And, why shouldn't I speak up? I sat through 8 hours of training videos, some of which were reporting sexual harassment that happened at the store. Well, if a store manager is being inappropriate, his co-store managers should know about it (if they don't already, who knows).

Why should I be afraid to risk retribution or some kind of sabotage from that yucky store manager for calling out his bad behavior to his colleague? That's just not ok, what he did. And he probably has been doing that long before I was hired to work there. But that should not be allowed to take place. It makes for a very unpleasant work environment (at least for me).

What would you have done in my situation? I have a history of sexual abuse in addition to emotional abuse. And, although his lewd jokes were directed at this 21 year old assistant store manager, and not me, I felt he overstepped his boundaries. Maybe it's because I"m 46 and am tired of putting up with men's crap in the workplace when it marginalizes women. As I experienced this summer with my temp job from hell that I posted about here.

Why shouldn't pervy retail store managers be held accountable like their hourly employees? I know that life has battles for us to pick and choose to fight, with outcomes that either benefit or harm our well-being.

I just knew, that if I am going to spend the next 6 months working at this retail store as an hourly employee at night, I am NOT going to put up with another higher up behaving inappropriately. I don't want to hear his lewd, yucky jokes over the headsets we have to wear, while we put away "500s" (clothes that customers left in fitting rooms) and straighten up the store. That is why I told the other store manager about her colleague's behavior. Maybe that'll cost me my job there, but if it does, there are other retail stores I can work at.

That is awful, I'm so sorry you had to experience that unprofessional inappropriate behaviour in the workplace - it was not directed to you but it was through the headset so you were exposed to it.

I think you did the right thing, whatever happens next you have done your part. I'm guessing you aren't union (retail is poorly unionised), but if you were I'd be advising you to let them know too.

[FallDuskTrain]

Please do not question yourself. You did nothing wrong. I probably would have done the same thing; although I would have waited one or couple more days to calm myself down and/or to see if I see any other alarming behavior. But I would have eventually done the same thing. What he did is not okay; besides it sounds like it might have triggered your past sexual abuse traumas.
May be you can look for another retail job right away? It is the shopping time of the year. It might be easier to find another retail job.
You are pretty resilient.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

That is awful, I'm so sorry you had to experience that unprofessional inappropriate behaviour in the workplace - it was not directed to you but it was through the headset so you were exposed to it.

I think you did the right thing, whatever happens next you have done your part. I'm guessing you aren't union (retail is poorly unionised), but if you were I'd be advising you to let them know too.

Thanks prefabsprout. I am not part of a workers union for retail (I don't even know if those exist in the U.S.). I'm glad I let his colleagues know. What's also reprehensible is that he's a high school English teacher.

Can you imagine he acts that way at his high school, with his students, and his fellow teachers? People like this guy make me cringe. How, and why, is he allowed to be promoted to a store manager position when he clearly has no boundaries with people.

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

Please do not question yourself. You did nothing wrong. I probably would have done the same thing; although I would have waited one or couple more days to calm myself down and/or to see if I see any other alarming behavior. But I would have eventually done the same thing. What he did is not okay; besides it sounds like it might have triggered your past sexual abuse traumas.

May be you can look for another retail job right away? It is the shopping time of the year. It might be easier to find another retail job.
You are pretty resilient.

Hey FallDuskTrain thank you. Being exposed to the store manager's boundaryless, sexually inappropriate behavior definitely triggered my my past sexual abuse traumas.

In between recuperative naps today, after a 2 hour visit to the E.R. for IV fluids and an EKG test (I was scared I was either having a heart attack or a massive panic attack based on my symptoms -- turns out it was a massive panic attack and my body's response to being physically over-exerted; exercise induced asthma that required a nebulizing treatment, IV fluids for dehydration, glucose tablets for low blood sugar, and the EKG was for safety to rule out a heart attack since heart disease runs in my family; I had severe indigestion, horrible chills, vomiting, pain in my left arm and middle of my chest, and my lips were very pale. But again, a massive panic attack thankfully not heart attack).

I've decided to call the retail store tomorrow to tell them that I quit. I just simply wont put up with a store manager like that, even if I never worked another shift with him again.

Since its the holiday season, I should have no problem finding another part-time retail job. And the next one I find I will make sure to tell the hiring store manager that I can only work 4 hour shifts.

I never want to go through this again. I just watched an episode of Superstore (a spoof on big box store employees' lives during work hours). Sure, I'll miss hanging out with the other teachers I met there, but that's not good enough reason to stay and put up with whatever fallout would happen for notifying other store management about what this guy did. Nobody wants to hear gross, inappropriate comments at their work place, esp. from a manager.

I'm not the type of person who can smile and be a doormat with managers who act like asshats. If they are a manager, they'd sure as hell better act like it around me. Esp. because this guy's also a high school teacher. He knows better. But for some reason, his retail store manager peers either let him get away with his behavior for too long, or they simply don't care. And either way, those reasons aren't good enough for me to continue to work at that retail store.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by cielpur

Thanks prefabsprout. I am not part of a workers union for retail (I don't even know if those exist in the U.S.). I'm glad I let his colleagues know. What's also reprehensible is that he's a high school English teacher.


Can you imagine he acts that way at his high school, with his students, and his fellow teachers? People like this guy make me cringe. How, and why, is he allowed to be promoted to a store manager position when he clearly has no boundaries with people.





Hey FallDuskTrain thank you. Being exposed to the store manager's boundaryless, sexually inappropriate behavior definitely triggered my my past sexual abuse traumas.


In between recuperative naps today, after a 2 hour visit to the E.R. for IV fluids and an EKG test (I was scared I was either having a heart attack or a massive panic attack based on my symptoms -- turns out it was a massive panic attack and my body's response to being physically over-exerted; exercise induced asthma that required a nebulizing treatment, IV fluids for dehydration, glucose tablets for low blood sugar, and the EKG was for safety to rule out a heart attack since heart disease runs in my family; I had severe indigestion, horrible chills, vomiting, pain in my left arm and middle of my chest, and my lips were very pale. But again, a massive panic attack thankfully not heart attack).


I've decided to call the retail store tomorrow to tell them that I quit. I just simply wont put up with a store manager like that, even if I never worked another shift with him again.


Since its the holiday season, I should have no problem finding another part-time retail job. And the next one I find I will make sure to tell the hiring store manager that I can only work 4 hour shifts.


I never want to go through this again. I just watched an episode of Superstore (a spoof on big box store employees' lives during work hours). Sure, I'll miss hanging out with the other teachers I met there, but that's not good enough reason to stay and put up with whatever fallout would happen for notifying other store management about what this guy did. Nobody wants to hear gross, inappropriate comments at their work place, esp. from a manager.


I'm not the type of person who can smile and be a doormat with managers who act like asshats. If they are a manager, they'd sure as hell better act like it around me. Esp. because this guy's also a high school teacher. He knows better. But for some reason, his retail store manager peers either let him get away with his behavior for too long, or they simply don't care. And either way, those reasons aren't good enough for me to continue to work at that retail store.

I feel sad that this happened to you. Yes, please do quit your retail job. I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it if you were in your early 20 but you are not. I am sure you paid your dues and you had to put up with bunch of bs while navigating the wild jungle of professional path.
I hope you can find the time to get some rest.

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

I feel sad that this happened to you. Yes, please do quit your retail job. I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it if you were in your early 20 but you are not. I am sure you paid your dues and you had to put up with bunch of bs while navigating the wild jungle of professional path.
I hope you can find the time to get some rest.

You know what? I DID put up with this same kind of inappropriate behavior from previous managers in various jobs throughout my 20s and it still didn't create a positive outcome for me with those jobs. I have so many examples.

I'm sure some people think I'm a self-righteous moron for being angry that this happened, and not want to work at this retail store anymore as a result. Ok. I can see their point (not that I'm a moron, but maybe their view is that I'm over-reacting about a minimum wage job that is a dime a dozen).

But, if I want to work at this store for 6 months, and I have to put up with someone like this guy, I know myself too well, to know that I couldn't handle it. Not at all.

Maybe some think the 19 year old assistant store manager is smarter than me, because she laughed it off, and chooses to up with her boss' inappropriate behavior, because she doesn't want to burn bridges for her own career reasons. I don't know.

All I know is, that I don't want to spend time at a 2nd part-time job being miserable, because the store I work for, condones this type of behavior and turns their noses about it.

I just need to find a second part-time job, where I don't have to put up with a pervert for a boss. I'm too old for that nonsense. I can't look the other way and it's not worth it, since his behavior triggered my traumatic past. Just not worth it.

I'm going in tomorrow with a written statement to give to the other store manager. If he throws it away or keeps it, not my business. I'm sad that this happened to me and angry that I had to experience such a scary, massive panic attack afterward.

[pappydaddy]

I have been in various Supervisor roles in jobs over the years and I feel you did the right thing. Perhaps there may have been an opportunity to approach this person one on one first to address the behavior, perhaps not. The reason I mention this at all is NOT to condone what the offender did or said, it is only to give a person a chance to fix the problem first on his own.

I have seen many situations in which someone did not even realize they were being offensive but thought they were being funny or clever. I have also seen people lose jobs or be permanently labelled in a negative light because of what was said or done. Sometimes I think these situations could have been avoided had someone approached that person instead of going straight to the top with the issue at hand.

If someone in authority at a workplace is told face to face "I am offended by what you said" or "I feel like you are creating a hostile work environment because of what you did", and chooses to continue the same pattern of behavior, then by all means they deserve to be fired or worse.

I may get skewered for saying all of this but I still feel it's the right way to handle this type of situation.

Originally Posted by pappydaddy

I have been in various Supervisor roles in jobs over the years and I feel you did the right thing. Perhaps there may have been an opportunity to approach this person one on one first to address the behavior, perhaps not. The reason I mention this at all is NOT to condone what the offender did or said, it is only to give a person a chance to fix the problem first on his own.

I have seen many situations in which someone did not even realize they were being offensive but thought they were being funny or clever. I have also seen people lose jobs or be permanently labelled in a negative light because of what was said or done. Sometimes I think these situations could have been avoided had someone approached that person instead of going straight to the top with the issue at hand.

If someone in authority at a workplace is told face to face "I am offended by what you said" or "I feel like you are creating a hostile work environment because of what you did", and chooses to continue the same pattern of behavior, then by all means they deserve to be fired or worse.

I may get skewered for saying all of this but I still feel it's the right way to handle this type of situation.

I won't skewer you for your response. Both you and FallDuskTrain gave me great advice; calm down before you take action; wait and see if the behavior is repeated; then approach the person to tell them how their behavior affected me. And since I'm 46, in hindsight two days after the situation, I probably should have done that before going straight to the top. So, that is something I could work on -- reacting too quickly to a situation -- clearly I need to refresh my CBT skills of how my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors influence each other, and my DBT skills of social and emotional aspects of my personality.

If there's a silver lining to this situation, it's shown me that despite being 46, I still need to work on managing my thoughts, feelings and behaviors before reacting too quickly (i.e. over-react). And, I can see how over-reacting can create more work for me in social situations (in hindsight) and work situations. How to handle stressful situations in life definitely requires a lot of mindfulness.

So, I can appreciate both of your points of view, of how I missed some steps of how to report this store manager by not giving him a chance to correct his behavior first, by approaching him to tell him that his lewd sense of humor has created an emotionally hostile workplace for me and to tell the young assistant manager how her acceptance of her supervisor's behavior (laughing off his lewdness) supports and condones it, and sends a message (whether its true or not for her personally) that this kind of behavior from a store manager is ok, and that as hourly employees we should just accept it.

So, I really appreciate the feedback from you and FallDusTrain about taking more time in how to deal with stressful life situations like these, before I react.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by cielpur

You know what? I DID put up with this same kind of inappropriate behavior from previous managers in various jobs throughout my 20s and it still didn't create a positive outcome for me with those jobs. I have so many examples.


I'm sure some people think I'm a self-righteous moron for being angry that this happened, and not want to work at this retail store anymore as a result. Ok. I can see their point (not that I'm a moron, but maybe their view is that I'm over-reacting about a minimum wage job that is a dime a dozen).


But, if I want to work at this store for 6 months, and I have to put up with someone like this guy, I know myself too well, to know that I couldn't handle it. Not at all.


Maybe some think the 19 year old assistant store manager is smarter than me, because she laughed it off, and chooses to up with her boss' inappropriate behavior, because she doesn't want to burn bridges for her own career reasons. I don't know.


All I know is, that I don't want to spend time at a 2nd part-time job being miserable, because the store I work for, condones this type of behavior and turns their noses about it.


I just need to find a second part-time job, where I don't have to put up with a pervert for a boss. I'm too old for that nonsense. I can't look the other way and it's not worth it, since his behavior triggered my traumatic past. Just not worth it.


I'm going in tomorrow with a written statement to give to the other store manager. If he throws it away or keeps it, not my business. I'm sad that this happened to me and angry that I had to experience such a scary, massive panic attack afterward.

You are absolutely not a moron for doing what you did. People will always pass judgement. Who cares? They have no idea what you have going on in your own head, behind closed doors. You are, very rightfully, exhausted from working inhumane hours. And, you have no reason to feel bad for wanting to work at a professional environment that is free of hostile behavior.
I think the problem is most people suck it up (for so many reasons) and they don’t complain. Then you end up looking like the complainer since you end up being the only person to speak up. You are definitely not in the wrong.
We are here for you.

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

You are absolutely not a moron for doing what you did. People will always pass judgement. Who cares? They have no idea what you have going on in your own head, behind closed doors. You are, very rightfully, exhausted from working inhumane hours. And, you have no reason to feel bad for wanting to work at a professional environment that is free of hostile behavior.
I think the problem is most people suck it up (for so many reasons) and they don’t complain. Then you end up looking like the complainer since you end up being the only person to speak up. You are definitely not in the wrong.
We are here for you.

Thank you, FallDuskTrain. That means a lot. Yes, the whole "suck it up, don't complain" advice is what I've tried to follow most of my life. But since I hit my 40s, I don't want to follow that unspoken rule. Or the "fake it til you make it." I have always failed at both (suck it up, not complain; and pretend everything is ok to advance my work, personal or social agendas).

Before I could drive into the retail store today to submit my statement, a different assistant manager called to ask me why I didn't come in for my shift there today, which wasn't even on my paper schedule given to me by another store manager there.

And when I explained to this assistant mgr. (not the same one from Friday) about what happened on Friday, that I went to the E.R. yesterday for exhaustion from the 14 hour work-day, he paused, then asked if I was still going to come in today. I mean, WTF?! Really?

So, I just "resigned" over the phone vs. in person. I had hoped to speak to the nice store mgr. that had hired me about what happened, but now there's no need to.

I'm still exhausted today, physically-speaking. But I did manage to get some solid sleep from about 2 a.m. to 10 a.m. or so this morning. This week I have to sub for 3 days until Thanksgiving. Hopefully by tomorrow morning, I will be better.

Thanks for the support.

[pappydaddy]

Please do not criticize yourself. It's easy to look at situations in hindsight and imagine better ways of handling things. There are those in this world who make entire careers out of telling others how they "should" or "shouldn't" have done something. Just take a look at our current media climate where every single move made by anyone in the public eye is completely blasted, and usually within minutes of the event occurring. People love to be critics and say how "they" would have handled it.

The only reason I said anything at all is because of how many mistakes I have made. I am a guru when it comes to what NOT to do because I've probably already done it. You did nothing wrong in my opinion, you simply reacted to a really crappy situation. The person who was wrong was the one who put you in the situation in the first place.

Originally Posted by pappydaddy

Please do not criticize yourself. It's easy to look at situations in hindsight and imagine better ways of handling things. There are those in this world who make entire careers out of telling others how they "should" or "shouldn't" have done something. Just take a look at our current media climate where every single move made by anyone in the public eye is completely blasted, and usually within minutes of the event occurring. People love to be critics and say how "they" would have handled it.

The only reason I said anything at all is because of how many mistakes I have made. I am a guru when it comes to what NOT to do because I've probably already done it. You did nothing wrong in my opinion, you simply reacted to a really crappy situation. The person who was wrong was the one who put you in the situation in the first place.

I really do appreciate your insight pappydaddy, so thanks for responding to my thread. Esp. since you have been a manager and have a lot of experience with this sort of situation.

The whole situation makes me ill. It's a harsh reminder of how skeevy the retail environment can be because the people are skeevy (not all, but a few are).

Yes, our current media is the public court of opinion, which swiftly labels celebrities and politicians and the every-day-person "guilty" or "innocent." Neil Postman is correct, that we are "Amusing Ourselves To Death."

All the articles that I read about how retail stores take advantage of their hourly employees just makes steam shoot out of my ears. And this situation was another example of that, I feel. I'm still physically exhausted from Friday, but went to my substitute teaching job today anyway (need the money).

I got good news today. A local high-end grocery store called to ask me for an interview for one of their cashier positions, which pays $11/hr (not too shabby as far as retail jobs go) and also means less physical exertion risk, since I am only going to work in 4 hour shifts, even on the weekends. Hopefully, I get this cashier job b/c its only a 7 minute drive from my home vs. the retail store which was a 20 minute drive for me.

Cross your fingers for me. If I could get a full-time job that paid a liveable wage, I wouldn't need to burn my candle at both ends with a 2nd part-time job. That seems to elude me --- the whole full-time job situation -- no matter how many times I reformat my resume.

[pappydaddy]

It sounds as if you are on track to at least improving the current situation, albeit not exactly what you are hoping for. Working multiple jobs to make ends meet absolutely sucks, I've done it many times over the years. The thing that American society has seemed to forget is that we-human beings I mean-were not created for the sole purpose of working. Other countries laugh at our idiocy when it comes to putting in hours and not enjoying life outside of work. Worst of all here we are working ourselves to death and we're still falling behind other countries in nearly every major area one can think of.

I love the United States and still believe we have the greatest country in the world; however, if we are not very diligent we are going to destroy the very fabric of what makes us so great.

I really hope you find something that is both full-time and pays the bills.