[scarlett35]

Hey everyone.

I'm suffering from social anxiety and am currently getting help with this from a therapist. I've just started my sessions so it's early days yet.

One of my big triggers is work. I never feel relaxed and always feel terrified. I've not been working there for too long and am desperate to fit in, but at the same time I don't feel like I fit very well in a corporate atmosphere and feel like I'm struggling to show my personality. This leads me to think I'm boring to others etc (typical socially anxious thoughts). I'm too conscious of how I'm acting.

This is affecting me in other ways too and I'm starting to really dread going to work and wonder if I'm supposed to be there almost, like I'm wondering if I'm incompetent. I wrote a couple of weeks ago about being worried about doing some calls that I was asked to do. They were going ok but causing me absolutely huge amounts of anxiety to the point where I was in the toilet several times before the calls (if you know what I mean!), having panicky feelings before hand etc.

Anyway the other day I had one that didn't go ok and I ended up talking to someone who was angry and got a bit abusive towards me. Calls of this nature aren't a regular part of my job, neither have they ever been, so I'm not used to being talked to like that. I'm a very sensitive person (something that I've always thought of as a bad thing thanks to family being critical) and something that I've tried to hide. Of course this is the kind of thing I'd deal with in CBT but I haven't got to that stage yet.

I know that experiencing these things is supposed to teach you that you can manage situations like this, but I didn't manage well at all. I had to run to the bathroom and cry for about 30 mins afterwards and took it really badly, then scolded myself for being so upset and felt like I shouldn't be in this job if I can't do these calls.

There's still a few more to do and now I am absolutely terrified to the point of I don't want to go to work. I just don't know what to do. I keep crying and I'm terrified I'm going to get another person who is abusive towards me on the telephone.

I want to ask for help but not sure if I should as I'm worried I'll be judged because I can't do the calls and everyone will think I can't do my job. I also don't want to let the social anxiety win but I don't feel confident that I'm at the stage in my treatment that I can handle it. I want to be perfect at work and please all my colleagues but I'm finding it so exhausting and I'm really struggling. my support network in real life tell me to man up and just do the calls basically.

Is it ok for me to ask for help with this?
Has anyone else had to deal with any tasks that have made their anxiety go haywire? How did you deal with it?

I don’t know what kind of calls these are. I had a job once involving making calls and taking calls. They didn’t provide training on how to do this or how to handle difficult people.

I bought the book Customer Service for Dummies, which was really helpful.

As far as asking for help or an accommodation, I have no experience with that part. Maybe someone else will chime in.

I really do think you should call your therapist on your question too.

[scarlett35]

Originally Posted by key tones

I don’t know what kind of calls these are. I had a job once involving making calls and taking calls. They didn’t provide training on how to do this or how to handle difficult people.

I bought the book Customer Service for Dummies, which was really helpful.

As far as asking for help or an accommodation, I have no experience with that part. Maybe someone else will chime in.

I really do think you should call your therapist on your question too.

The calls are just a part of this particular project we're working on (I'd rather not disclose to keep it a bit more anonymous:P) . In the 5 months so far this is the first time I've heard of anyone having to do calls like this. We call clients regularly which is fine and I can do perfectly well, but this is something different and sometimes the people I'm calling see what I'm doing as a waste of time (which I kind of agree with) it's really hard to justify it to them. I've been asked to do them by someone who knows a bit more about it.. like a supervisor, but I'm just the middle person. Unfortunately that means I get all the grief if they go wrong.

It's unlikely I'll have to do A LOT of calls like this so I'm unlikely to get used to them. I've spoken to my therapist about it but we haven't got so far yet. She seems to think I shouldn't give in to the anxiety but usually with exposure therapy which I'll be doing you start with easier interactions and build up to harder ones. I think it's a rejection thing and this person obviously rejected me and has completely knocked my confidence. It's 50/50 as to whether or not I'll get another difficult person like that.

[orangyred]

I wish I could help you more, but I'm not sure how I can help. I have social anxiety as well. Although, I don't think it's to the same degree as yours. I have cried at times, but mostly I get really, really angry. Some of what you mentioned totally struck a cord. I don't deal well with angry callers either. I was a customer service rep for a couple years and it was hard. People can be real jerks. I also take it way to personally when they yell or are just plain jerks. It's taken a long time to realize it's not me, but I still struggle not to think it's not against me as a person.

As for asking for help, that's a tough one too. I've asked for help, but not really been helped. And for sensitive people like ourselves asking is hard enough, but then not to get help...that's really rough. But I also know that if you don't ask you'll never know. I still struggle a lot with this too.

I might pick up that book myself that key_tones mentions: Customer Service for Dummies. It might help in some way.

Definitely keep working with your therapist. I hope you were able to bring up this issue to them. Hopefully they can give some pointers. Pick one and just focus on that for a day or two before you try to do another.

Wishing you the best. Some people find breathing exercises help. When I'm really upset drinking water helps. It forces me to calm down so I don't choke on the water.

[SeekerSeeking]

Wow, what a conundrum.

First, I think you judge yourself too harshly. You said, "...but I didn't manage well at all." You did. Yes, you cried in the bathroom, but that's okay and healthy. And you said you were new to these types of calls. PLUS you have social anxiety--I"d say you managed very well then.

You also judge how others see you...."leads me to think I'm boring to others"... you, me, none of us know what other folks are thinking...and it is usually our fears we are projecting onto them... I invite you to cancel those type thoughts when they pop up in your head. Tell yourself, "I don't really know what they think; and I'll remain open."

As for asking for help. Asking is fine, if you don't ask you surely won't get help. If you ask for help, you 'may' get help (its not 100% guaranteed), but not asking--it is 100% certified that you will not get help.

Folks on the phone who take stuff out on you---that is ALL about them and their poor impulse control, their displaced anger, their low EQ. Know that it is not in ANY WAY about you.

And be kind to yourself during this stressful time. In your time off give yourself some treats, bubble-baths with candles, a new (happy) cd. Reward yourself for persevering.

I agree, I think it sounds like you did really well, and taking yourself off to the bathroom was a good coping strategy.

I have had a couple of angry customers and have to agree with those who say it's all about them - they didn't reject 'you' how could they, they don't even know you. I think at times like these if you can seek out support it helps, even if just to make you feel alone. When I ended up in tears after a customer exploded at me two of my colleagues told me how they had similar things happen, no one feels good about it, but sharing helps lessen the load.

I agree with the kindness to yourself, and would like to add favourite comedy shows/movies to that. Laurel & Hardy have helped me out several times!

[scarlett35]

Thanks everyone. It has been a bit of a struggle. I did have a word with my boss who told me a few stories of her own. Made me feel slightly better. I have another call arranged this week but I'm taking it slowly and just arranging them one at a time.

My boss was pretty good and I got a bit teary when I told her about it. She did offer some support but obviously doesn't know the extent of the issue. I feel a bit trapped really. When I feel like I HAVE to do something and have no choice, I start to get fed up. I always like to be able to choose what I want to do but working for someone else I suppose you give up some of that right, which in a way doesn't feel right to me.

I've been sort of dreading going into work lately whereas before I really liked my job. I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to do tasks and spend a lot of time struggling to engage with things, I think it's honestly just thrown me off completely and now I have doubts about my ability to do the job. I'm also finding I'm always counting down to the weekend now too. I really don't want to wish my life away by just living for the weekend so to speak.

I think I'll just see how I feel in a few weeks as once I've done this task, things may improve !!