[sinking]

Finally, getting a real full time job was supposed to save me. to give me meaning, worthiness, money to go living on my own, to do and have more, to feel better…

instead its killing me. it makes me hate life more than before.

i know it may sound childish, but i dont want a job, i dont want to have duties, and i dont even want to live like everyone else.

i actually dont want to live….

so…. job or not, final point is still this. i dont want to live.

is there a way i still cant see, that job can actually save me?

what do i do with it?

[ArchieAus]

Well you might be in the wrong job , who would know ? Look at this process of a forum , you write down your feelings in a short group of words , then know it all's like myself give you throw away advise without properly knowing you , or really having any insight into your struggles ....what could go wrong huh

Maybe this isn't the job for you , maybe you just have too high an expectation of what this job can achieve in regards to your happiness .
I've been reading about the Cinderella Syndrome us self entitled westerners can suffer from . We actually believe we should be happy all the time . This pursuit of happiness and fulfilment actually contribute to us always being sad and miserable , as it's an unrealistic expectation . Probably I'm not the best person to throw my two cents in about work . My story is I have worked long and hard for 40 years , for most of that I just did it without question , not asking if I should feel any joy . It was an exchange of goods and services . I gave them a decent portion of my life . For that they gave me a stack of money . The stack of money is necessary to live a life . It's not a calling , it's not a passion . It's a means to an end . ...ok that was just gibberish huh , no help to you at all , but I'm not a quitter , I'll see if I can fail at helping with the second part of your post .
Life . It's such an unlikely thing that you and I are exchanging ideas on this forum . What are the chances of us both being on this rock , experiencing being alive ? Of all the sperm and eggs that were fertilised and succeeded or failed in living over the centuries . Somehow we lucked out and are here . It may not be a gift this life , but it's a rare privilege to be doing it , not something to just discount or throw away . What is happiness after all ? Is it really achievable by wanting things to make you happy ? , or is it a better path to lower our expectations and be happy with what we have ? To have fewer wants , to have fewer expectations .... I have no idea , I'm still trying to work it out myself .
I hope you can find some peace .

[mwaxy]

Anyone who loves their job, even a bit of the time, is very fortunate.

Jobs don't usually fix the 'not wanting to be alive' concern.

I know you have probably been told time and time again, try new things, there may be some small activity/interest to look forward to while working or not, and like-minded people that come by association

[pegasus]

If your job is making you feel like you don't want to live then it's time to make a change. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to realise that something is wrong and needs changing. There will be a job out there that you will like and enjoy. Time to start looking for what you really want...

I'm so sorry, Sinking. I like what Pegasus wrote. I'm not sure what you do for a job, and why you are struggling w/ it (is it the people? Is there drama? the responsibility? maybe it's just a wrong fit between the job and you?), but I hope you are able to find something you like, and in the meantime, find a way to tolerate your current job. Are you seeing a therapist who could perhaps help too? Hugs to you. It is such a hard thing to not like your job, be uncomfortable there, etc, and still go in. In a sense, you're a warrior. I hear you are weary though. Big hugs.