[Brontoset]

I regret entering treatment I'm in AA 55 days clean and now I can't be primal anymore.

People were telling me how good I used to be and how I could've sold those songs. I won the accolades of the areas top musicians but the head honchos in my town refused to listen bcause I'm weird but not as arrogant as the other people who they respect

Please kill me?

WOULD cutting be a relapse?

[unaluna]

me too....

Originally Posted by Brontoset

I regret entering treatment I'm in AA 55 days clean and now I can't be primal anymore.

People were telling me how good I used to be and how I could've sold those songs. I won the accolades of the areas top musicians but the head honchos in my town refused to listen bcause I'm weird but not as arrogant as the other people who they respect

Please kill me?

WOULD cutting be a relapse?

...I think it seems more appropriate to say "please kill them"

yeah by now sure at least I hope you aint ripping into yourself so bad.

it happens to the best of us it's damn time to not listen to what the 'others' are saying!

can you do this?...can you do that?

I don't know you but I need you to like yourself better than those dickheads for me to let you into my life as I would expect the same from me people hate me but I manage ...get that look in your eye!

it takes practice....no-one can look back at you as best as you can,.. get that look,.... and once you got that trust my unknown friend ...then no-one can touch you

and cutting?...you already know what that means don't you?...if not then let me know

[dizzyqueen]

Hi keep it up from one member to another

[madisgram]

i remember your previously stating a while back that you can't do music sober. it seems you are on the fence again(?). i guess it all boils down to this...how was your life using other than your music? was it working for you if you live that way?
it's very difficult newly sober to see the upside sometimes. we have major resentments, anger and personality changes. i'm unsure why you went into treatment. is it because you want to stop using? if so you will benefit from not dwelling in the "what ifs". it's like spinning your wheels.
maybe i misread your post. if so can u clarify?
and imo cutting just adds a new problem.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Brontoset

and now I can't be primal anymore

Certainly not in the same way you were when you were drunk. Just like sobriety, you have to work hard and practice with the music. You have to invent new ways to express it that please you and work it out.

This is some guy with primal diet and exercise: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/prima...#axzz25Pt6SOdh but look what he's done with book, plan, whole life devoted to it?

You could get primal with music if you want, same thing.

[Brontoset]

Originally Posted by madisgram

i remember your previously stating a while back that you can't do music sober. it seems you are on the fence again(?). i guess it all boils down to this...how was your life using other than your music? was it working for you if you live that way?
it's very difficult newly sober to see the upside sometimes. we have major resentments, anger and personality changes. i'm unsure why you went into treatment. is it because you want to stop using? if so you will benefit from not dwelling in the "what ifs". it's like spinning your wheels.
maybe i misread your post. if so can u clarify?
and imo cutting just adds a new problem.

I wasn't good musically when I was using or doing drugs. I think a lot more while playing. But there's a NON COGNITIVE aspect of music. THAT'S what makes it good.
I've always lived for the primal visceral aspects...

AA emphasizes "sanity," which means you can't have the psychotic sort of passion which I always Benefited from.

I told my sponsor "I didn't feel like shooting heroin today...but I DID feel like shooting draino."

[madisgram]

thanks for the reply. so my next thought is why do you wish you were gone? is life no longer worth living without the "psychotic passion" you mentioned?
we all have a choice re using. perhaps you're not ready to live sober yet(?) or have you made the decision to live within the realm of sanity? have you ever considered why you feel the need to escape? seems that may be the answer to your struggle with sobriety.

[Brontoset]

Sorry for so much mello dramatic stuff. thank you all for putting up with it. I'm now at 7.5 months and I feel liek a compltete fraud except i had gotten accolades back in the day.

Wtf made me get sober when i had my whole life ahead of me

[unaluna]

My fellow comedians used to say, "Better to be a has-been than a never-was." Feels like the first time - is just a song. I don't understand what is weighing you down. Even ballplayers have to deal with not being who they once were; we all do. It's not the booze, it's time. It happens to everyone. Doesn't it?

Why is it so many people want to be killed? or to kill themselves?

Frankly, if they'd go in to see a dental surgeon to have a molar extracted and stitches placed appropriately, then spend three days in bed with narcotics prescribed to kill the pain while you're unable to eat, that would pretty well persuade almost anyone that it's better to seek life and work at correcting things handed to us than trying to kill ourselves, although the pain of molar extraction is about as close to death as I want to be at any given time.

No laughing matter, friend.

[Brontoset]

Originally Posted by hankster

My fellow comedians used to say, "Better to be a has-been than a never-was." Feels like the first time - is just a song. I don't understand what is weighing you down. Even ballplayers have to deal with not being who they once were; we all do. It's not the booze, it's time. It happens to everyone. Doesn't it?

Thanks man. But actually, I feel like a never-was. The thing I was going for...I was on my way to being what i was meant to be, but if i kept on that track i wouldn't make it into my 30's, but I think I would have left behind something pretty cool

now I'm in a situation and I'm ****ed man