[paddym22]

I am hoping someone here can give me some advice. I am in trouble. I am ill again and in a lot of severe pain. I havent slept for several days, I am really tired. I am very emotional as well. My medical team want to give me an opiate based painkiller but so far I have refused it, but I cannot go on enduring this pain for much longer. I am stuck and terrified that if I do take the medication I will be back to square one with an addiction craving that I have fought off for a long time. I feel I will have failed and let myself and so many other people down on many levels.

I know realistically that I cannot take much more of this pain. Does anyone in recovery have experience in dealing with this sort of situation?

I have tried all the non-addictive approaches to pain management but cannot get any relief. On a scale of 1 to 10 the pain is a constant 7 often peaking at a 9. I am worn out and so so tired. I cannot eat and have lost weight I cannot afford to lose. I have tried things like yoga and meditation but the pain breaks through my concentration.

I feel a failure. Does anyone know of anything I can do or explore without having to resort to an opiate painkiller?

Help......pathetic as I sound but I really need advice.

[lynn P.]

Have you been addicted to pain killers before Paddy? What kind of pain is it? Have you tried acupuncture? I heard if someone's in pain, they won't get addicted as easily as a person who takes it to get high would.

[paddym22]

Yes Lynn so I have pretty much compromised treatment options for myself.

I have severe abdominal pain and also in the upper right quadrant of my back shooting up my neck to the lower part of what feels like my brain.
I am very nauseous as well.

I havent tried acupuncture no but I am worried that it will destabilise me as it has done in the past when I have had a course of treatment.

[lynn P.]

"I havent tried acupuncture no but I am worried that it will destabilise me as it has done in the past when I have had a course of treatment."
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What do you mean Paddy - are you worried about the painkillers derailing your mental health? Do they know what's causing this pain and nausea? I think you should try acupuncture - there's an acupuncture point on your inner wrist. If you press hard with your thumb, this might help the nausea. Natural ginger root tea is also good for nausea. Would a pain patch be as addictive as the pills? I'm sorry you're in pain (((Paddy))).

[paddym22]

Pain pathces are not really an option but thank you for the suggestions Lynn.

[lynn P.]

I think your treatment team would know what's your best option. I would give the acupuncture a shot though -find a reputable one - it can help. I have this portable battery operated device I bought years ago - looks like a pen on the end. My physio therapist recommended it at the time, because I had painful TMJ. When I would get spasms, I'd use it and it worked - it's also good for headaches. I think you should try standard(needles) acupuncture.

There are also pain clinics that teach people how to deal with pain. What's causing your pain Paddy? I wish I could take it away for you friend.

[jayy46]

im gonna be honest, at the age of 14, ive already been through addictions. i used to be addicted to xanax and hydrocodons. first of all, keep reminding yourself that everythings gonna be over evenetually and as long as you dont give in, you will be successful. i know withdrawal symptoms are VERY painful and terrible. you need to relax and seperate your mind from the pain. im sure you can find some relaxing exercises here. and idk what else to sayy. maybe you should take tylenol or advil atleast. it doesnt help much but atleast its SOMETHING

[paddym22]

I am not in withdrawal, I am in physical pain from an illness.

Will there be no end to this pain without effective management? Your medical team is aware of your concerns. What is the lesser evil, the pain or the craving?

[paddym22]

Good question. I think my greatest worry is myself and I must be very disciplined. Its just a bit overwhelming at the moment and I didnt expect to be in this situation, but there you go. I am and I must deal with it.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by paddym22

I think my greatest worry is myself and I must be very disciplined. Its just a bit overwhelming at the moment and I didnt expect to be in this situation, but there you go. I am and I must deal with it.

Paddy, my friend...

My experience...being sleep deprived, hungry, and in severe pain is more likely to set you up for problems re addiction. Your mental and spiritual defenses will be so weakened that it will make things so much harder for you.
Effective pain management can include opiates but with careful monitoring...there is a part of you that knows this...please try and understand that failure is not a word to be using in your situation.
Paddy, I've been there and done it...physical pain so severe and mental anguish almost as bad. One of my sponsors was an old timer and his wife...Howard had been sober almost as long as I had been alive when I met them.
He was very quick to tell me that I did not have to suffer like that...if I had a good medical team and worked with them that I would be in less danger of relapse when the pain was controlled.

I am not saying this is true of you, ok? The other thing he told me was I didn't have to be a martyr because I was trying to stay clean and sober...made me rather mad because I thought I was being brave...being very blunt with me hurt my feelings but it was what I needed to hear--he was not giving me permission to take the drugs so to speak, but he was calling me on denying myself needed medical care. He understood my fears, but he also knew that I was putting not just my sobriety in danger...but my life.

Letting the pain get ahead of us means that initially it is going to be harder to control...once the level is down then the drugs can be titrated after a low level (3-4) has been maintained for a satisfactory amount of time...that time line can be discussed with your medical team based on your condition.

Don't do this to yourself, Paddy. If you don't get some relief you are going to be in worse shape...and I share that from experience.

Know that you are loved. If I could I would be at your side as your private duty nurse and see you through this rough time.
Please let us know how you are...
Please

Catherine

[paddym22]

Catherine my dear friend

Thank you for taking the time and the genuine thought in your posting. I am ok, I decided this evening to go ahead and pursue the pain medication. So I am comfotable and already got several hours of good sleep, its 3.30am here now and I just woke up for a short bit.

Yes you are so right about the martyrdom and I dont want to become a victim either.

So I have promised myself to treat it with respect.

I wish too you so wise and strong were standing at my side but I can feel the genuine warm person you are in your postings.

Actually to be honest I was kind of hoping you would reply as I value your judgement in this matter. So thank you my friend.

[Catherine2]

(((Paddy)))
Thank you...

Thank you for loving yourself enough to take care of you...
I can rest easier tonight now.


Our paths were meant to pass tonight...I signed on for a short read before showering and going to bed early.
A lesson learned a long time ago was to follow these promptings...I'm so glad that I did it tonight.

[lynn P.]

I'm happy you made a decision Paddy. Since this pain is affecting your quality of life(health) I think you're right is going with the meds. Just be careful and let your med team monitor you and don't take more than prescribed. I remember reading, highly addictive pain meds, aren't as addicting for people, who have severe pain, compared to those who take it recreationally to get high. In your case the pain meds will lighten your pain and hopefully it won't satiate the high feeling. I hope you feel better Paddy.

[paddym22]

Thank you for caring Lynn, highly appreciated.

Paddy

((((((((((((((paddy))))))))))))))

A friend of mine in AA always tells me that pain - physical, emotional, or spiritual - would eventually cause him to relapse, so that he is always careful to notice and manage any pain he is in. I'm SO glad you decided to manage your pain.

I also have problems with (multiple) addictions, and I have been told that if I need to take something like an opiate painkiller, I could give the bottle to someone I trust and ask them to give me a pill on the prescribed dosing schedule.

Do they know what is causing the pain? I hope you feel better soon!

[paddym22]

Thank you so much treehouse for your support. The pain is a combination of things really, abdominal pain from hepatitis, and we have discovered that the pain in my shoulder is a result of a misplaced small bone. It is very painful. I have good support and care here from close friends and a partner and they are aware of my challenges and previous record of addictions.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I dont feel so isolated now with all your replies, greatly appreciated

Paddy

May the morrow bring less sorrow.

[anna342]

I'm glad you've got some relief from the pain. I think the fact that you are well aware that the painkillers are not something you want to get into the habit of abusing again is a definate plus point. You could so easily have thought instead as what a good opportunity to get your hands on more, but you are taking the responsible option of being very wary of them.

I think as long as you are keeping that in mind, using the minimum to keep you comfortable, and being honest with those prescribing you them about your concerns, then you should be ok.

Sorry I can't come up with more Paddy, but I think you're doing really well in the circumstances.

[valfor]

(((((paddym))))) just wanted to send you peace and love and wellness!!!!and many more

[dolphinmkr44]

Paddy,

Just wanted to send you hug and some love. I hope you are feeling much better now.

I too have been addicted to pain killers and Xanax. The only thing that got me through was giving my meds to some else. I only got them when I really needed them. I am happy that you was really thinking of the longer term in the sense of not wanting to take opiates because of possibly relasping. Keep up the good work paddy and I hope you feel better soon.

How is it going, paddym22?