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#1
Apr 20, 2005, 08:03 PM
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Wine doesn't count..does it??
Kayleigh
__________________
 Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#2
Apr 20, 2005, 09:21 PM
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it counts........p
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#3
Apr 20, 2005, 09:25 PM
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..Figures..oh well...like it says up there ^ So what? grrr..
Kayleigh
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#4
Apr 21, 2005, 01:20 PM
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Star…
I’m not even going to comment on the wine question, you know the answer to that one. As to the other question “What happens when the only person who could make you smile when you were down and upset is the one who puts the frown on your face and the tears in your eyes?” This power greater than ourselves loves you. You are not the only person in that mirror when you look at yourself. When I do business with this power, good things follow. I didn’t believe it in the beginning, but now I have come to rely on it. Richard S. |
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#5
Apr 21, 2005, 04:18 PM
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No point in trying now. I don't have a reason to. It doesn't matter anyway. I don't matter anyway. I don't want to stop and I don't have any help if I did, and again, so what?
Kayleigh
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#6
Apr 21, 2005, 06:20 PM
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you mentioned not having any help to quit? there's plenty of help and you can start it off by admitting that your life is a mess now and you want to change it.......you can go to a twelve step meeting and get tons of help. there is NO ONE who can help you, except yourself..and that comes from listening to the support and advice that you will be given from other recovering people...
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#7
Apr 21, 2005, 07:25 PM
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Couldn't agree more with Shadow and fayerody...
The real work has to start in you, star. If you don't want to change and if you don't want your life to get any better, then it won't. They say sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you really want to change... I say take the shovel and you can always dig a little deeper. So don't wait before something terrible happens, please. You've got friends who love and care about you and you have friends here who care deeply for you, including myself. But we can't make you want to be clean/sober. You have to want it.
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... What's this life for? |
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#8
Apr 21, 2005, 08:59 PM
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Figured I'd get this kinda response, no offense. I know I gotta wanna change. Been hearing that since I was in therapy for SI. Thing is I don't want to change. I don't see the wrong in it. Honestly. After 5 years cutting I still don't see the wrong or the bad in that. Same goes for everything else.
I completely agree with hitting rock bottom first. That's how I've been in my life. Even if it means hitting bottom a few times then finally coming to the realization of it all. I know you guys here care 'cause you don't want anyone else going through what you've been through if you can help it. But my friends in 3D, they don't care so much. They see it as a big joke and so do I. I don't want to change. Sorry, but that's how I feel. My way of self medicating. I have nothing else to get me through this last year of high school. I can't get real help though. Should've said that earlier. Was in therapy before, not a chance I'm going back. It would hassle my mother too much, as she said so herself. I'm not spending my last year at home with that ***** on my back for me being a drunk. So what am I supposed to do? I figure this is better than my alternatives. If I cut, I'd definately be in a Psych Ward 'cause I have people that randomly check me. This is so much easier to hide. It stops me from killing myself, as much as it's killing me inside. So what do I do? I'm at a loss... Kayleigh
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#9
Apr 21, 2005, 09:05 PM
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If you really didn't want to change, you wouldn't post, "What am I to do? I'm at loss"... There's a part of you that wants healing, that wants to be free from it all. I see myself months ago in you now.
I wish I could make things better for you and take your pain away, but I can't. I honestly don't even know what a good solution could be for your situation, it seems tough... But I will say that you can always go to a friends or get social services involved because what your mom is doing is called neglect.
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... What's this life for? |
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#10
Apr 21, 2005, 09:16 PM
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Sorry, somewhat meant that in an insulting way. Kinda like I have no ideas, lets see what you can do, see you can't think of anything either. Sorry.
From my experience, it's not pretty when you ask someone else to get you help. And yeah, social services. That anything close to Child Protective Services? 'Cause I've already been in trouble with them and I'd be put in a foster home type setting if I screw something up again, so they say. Rather not have that kind of ugliness, so I just gotta put up with this for another year. Sorry, no need to respond.. Kayleigh
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#11
Apr 28, 2005, 03:16 PM
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To hell with this and anything else. I quit trying.
Thanks for being there though..
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#12
Apr 28, 2005, 03:34 PM
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kayleigh, we care about you and want to help you find healing. i'm sorry that you're in such a bad place, please don't give up on yourself....xoxo pat
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#13
Apr 28, 2005, 03:47 PM
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Not in a bad place, just a realization of what I want. Now I'll stop before I start offending people.
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#14
Apr 28, 2005, 10:03 PM
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Sorry you feel this way, star.
__________________
... What's this life for? |
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#15
Apr 28, 2005, 10:26 PM
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No need to be sorry, I'm not. I feel great..
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#16
Apr 29, 2005, 04:59 AM
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that's good to hear...we'll be here. pat
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#17
May 13, 2005, 05:25 PM
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star/kayleigh I truely admire your honesty. Did you know that you are ok just the way you are? Been learning I am and yes some times I wonder if they are just feeding me a line or something but there are times in my heart I can actually feel that I am no matter what . If I am than I know for sure you are. Maybe we should listen.
mia/lrks |
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#18
Jul 19, 2005, 05:44 PM
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Yeah baby, I can bleed far more than you can imagine. At 50 years old (might seem a long way off to you, but life passes quickly), I have lost my wife of 25 years, my 18 year career, my home, my family, been in and out of hospitals including mental wards so many times I've lost count, had countless alcoholic fits and horrendous hallucinations, have the beginnings of cirrhosis of the liver (a terrible way to die), and have to live in utter poverty. And like you, I started out drinking a little wine when I was young, and thought 'so what?' Now I KNOW. This is not a lecture, it's your life to do with what you want. But please believe me, you won't be thinking 'so what' if you make it to anything like my age There are LOTS of things you can do before you risk ending up like me. Just don't drink is the most obvious. It's not a cool thing to do, even among young people nowadays. I live in UK, and there are dozens of completely confidential telephone helplines for young people here, I am sure it's the same in USA where I am guessing you live. They won't judge you. If you don't like one, you can phone another. If you drink, you are far more likely to 'screw something up', and there is nothing uglier than ending up being an alcoholic, desperate to get well. It's a lot prettier asking for help before it takes over your life completely. As well as the alcohol thing, your 'so what?' may mean you are depressed - same thng, lots of helplines. At least try it, huh? Best wishes.
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One day the sun will shine again |
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