[bananna215]

I began taking psychiatric meds in 8th grade... & throughout the years my meds & my diagnoses have changed. most importantly, I have changed. some changes have been 4 the better, some 4 the worse, & some changes just happen because of this twisted, confusing, heck of a tricky thing we like to call life. over the last 2 or so months, I am proud 2 say that I've been quite successful at kicking my little alcohol demon on the butt! seriously, he no longer hovers over my shoulder day in & day out... ahhhh, what a nice feeling 2 sit down 4 a beer & struggle 2 even finish it. the only reason I've even drank those few times I have in the last couple of months is b/c it was around & I felt it necessary 4 some reason... what would ppl think 2 see lil' miss anna-marie without a beer can glued 2 her hand? I've yet to make it past the completion of 3 beers since my decision & before I could polish off a 12 pack (usually more) in no time! ok, before I make myself blush, I'm still dealing with some minor issues here: psychiatric drug dependency & I guess u could say there's another drug out there I've been using 2 self-medicate whenever I run out of 1 of my prescribed meds. wait, did I say minor issues? yeah, that might've been the understatement of the year...ive been on my adhd meds for 10 yrs now & my dosage is maxed out & has been 4 a while. I take more than my prescribed daily dosage just 2 make it through each day... hence my running out b4 the month's end. so then I self-medicate, which isn't good AT ALL!! & I know this but can't control myself. all I want is a med that will control my symptoms & a dosage that will last throughout each day & a pill bottle in which pills remain until refill day comes. self-medication is starting 2 become more of a problem than my med dependency & I hate myself 4 letting it get this far! is it so wrong 2 be addicted 2 happiness?

[NuckingFutz]

Gotta weigh the pros and cons and only you can do that. Admitting you have a problem is the hard part because then you can get help. If you want to self medicate, you know the consequeses and how you feel those days you are out of your happy pills. Ever been in a room full of drunk high people when you were sober? Didn't they look or act with bad judgement? It is about reempowering yourself. It is about finding good things to take place of self medicating. Hobbies stuff like that. Hope this helps some. Safe hugs!

[bananna215]

thx. but the last part is a whole other issue... it's not just the adhd I'm taking meds 4... I'm also diagnosed with bipolar, ocd & bpd... & the meds don't just keep me happy, they're what get me out of bed & give me the motivation 2 enjoy my hobbies or go to work or anything! I'm just plain ole dependent... far beyond any kind of abuse. with no meds, I wouldn't even classify me as human. I'm just nothing without anything, & that's my problem. I guess I'm somewhat lost? idk what 2 do & my brain is currently going in every direction it possibly can. I'm either at 1 extreme or another.

[NuckingFutz]

I am dependent on my meds too. Med dependency is different than med abuse. I can't go 24 hours without serious side effects. My pdoc and sis get a call and I am on here getting support until my meds pop up in the mail. Maybe talk to your pdoc about this? Hang in there!

[bananna215]

thx again... I'm tryin here, I swear! but my doc said no more emergency appts throughout the month & my next appt isn't til the 23rd of this month. & my doc doesn't care about my opinions or anything either... he's quite adimant about the whole "my way or find someone else" bs... so I have an appt with a new guy that same day (the 23rd was the soonest new patient appt date available). ever been to a forensic psychologist? this will be my 1st... makes me feel like i'll be walkin onto one of the CSI sets or something lol.

Good luck to you, bananna215. As long as you are not abusing the medications I agree you should be able to get enough to last until the next refill is available.

Congratulations on kicking the booze. Good luck with the new psychiatrist.

Be well.

[bananna215]

thx. kicking the booze was easier than I exepcted, & far more simple than any other time I've tried 2 cut back & give up my precious beer in the past! but I believe I just traded in 1 vice 4 another... & yes, hopefully I can get on a new med that I won't abuse & will once again b good 2 go til refill day! just one day at a time, I guess... but I'm still out of meds til the 23rd so it's quite a bit of a struggle at the moment...

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Bananna,

I really agree with Nuc & Byz you are on the way by admitting that you are self medicating, and you should be really proud of yourself for kicking the grog.

Maybe your doc can review your meds now and reorganise them? Only way to know is on your next appt, and be open with him telling him that the meds are not covering the day.

It will be more difficult even though you have kicked grog, because your body is used to having it and you are depriving it, so the meds may need to cover more issues now and that is what you should tell your doc.

Keep going and know that you have support and you are not alone in trying to set yourself straight. It's not wrong to want to "be" happy as opposed to wanting to "feel" happy for a limited amount of time, there is a big difference,

Good Luck,

Rhiannon