Meth, the killer "Ice"

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Meth is a killer, whether in short term or long term, it still kills. And to think about what all the put into that drug would make you want to through up, kerosine, starting fluid, anhydrous amonia, ephedrine, plus whatever small things they can put into it to cut it down so that it looks like more. Ice, “meth” is a killer is what it all comes down to. It is so easy to get started but once started, harder then heck to kick it. I know, I have been down the road myself. Starting, you will not think it would be that easy to get hooked on, but it is. It grabs ahold of you like a 2 edged sword and will not let you go. You get started once and when the “high” starts to go away, you are looking for the next fix. Your body starts craving it, needing it, wanting it. You cannot think what it would be like to be without it. You will sell anything and everything, steal, beg, borrow, whatever it takes to get some more of that fearful drug. Why does it grab ahold of us so much. It is the makeup of the drug itself and how it affects the brain. There is a physically need for or and also a mental need for it. It is that 2 edged sword. When you body starts coming down from the high and you are losing all energy you have, the need for more becomes stronger and stronger. You do not want to eat, because it is a speed and speed does not make you feel like you need to eat. Your body starts to decay away little by little. The feeling of things crawling all over you, the paranoia, the hiperness, the care free living style. All of this because of a drug. What power this drug has over us. Today this is the most widely deadly drug out there. It does not care who you are, wealthy, poor, whatever you are, it will still reach out and grab you. Sometime you push your limit to far on what amount you should take. I have been there also. Was walking a few steps after shooting up and then just fell to the floor and could not move. My heart had not stopped but my body was on overload. It took 3 people to get me up and sit me in a chair so I could try and get my wits back to me. I should have quit right then as that was a warning. But not me. 2 hours later I was right back at it again but this time even more, I kept pushing the limit I would take, like pushing the limit of death. Why do we as addicts keep pushing the limit of ourselves? Is it a sub thought of just wanting it to end this way or just to see how much we can take without dying. My veins were shot, needle marks up and down both arms, eyes back into my head, looked like the walking dead. Not even realizing how I looked or I didn’t even care all I cared about was where I was going to get my next fix. When coming down off of it and not having any more, you just wanted something to make you go to sleep NOW so you would not have to go through those cravings. Short tempered, angry, confused, scared, afraid you were going to die if you did not have another fix. What may I ask, WHAT, what kind of life is this for any of us anyway. Do we not deserve better. We have stooped down so very low to let this drug control every part of us and what we do. It IS our life now. It is a part of us just like and arm. There are few choices to make when using “meth”. Keep going down the same path and either die or end up in jail, quit and go through a living nightmare of h*ll, or third. Do NOT even start in the first place. Listen to what others have told you about it and the dangers of it and how your life will be driving down to nothing if you start. Think what it does to our bodies staying up days at a time and having all of that energy. Think of all of those chemicals in us and what they are doing to our body. Think of snorting up a can of starting fluid or kerosine. What would that be like. It is the same thing but mixed with other things. Getting off meth is not an easy chore in itself. The withdrawls are terrible and the anger and rage that come out of you. Some people have even died while trying to come off drugs. That is scarey now. Like I said, it is a 2 edged sword, it will either get us coming or going maybe. Even though I have some clean time away from drugs, every time I see a needle on the ground the thought automatically goes through my mind every time. The thought and the rush of shooting it up again. It sticks with you. We are addicts. Using is what we know what to do. NOT using is what we have to learn to do. It is not easy, it is not fast, and it will take you the rest of your life to keep working on. But I can say for myself right now after almost 4 years. My worst day now is a lot better than my best day while using. Will power has no place in recovery. If you think so you are wrong. Try taking a box of ex-lax and see just how much will power you have to stop from going to the restroom. Will power will not work. Complete admittance that drugs have control over our lives and that we can not do it alone is the start. It can be done though, many have done it. But we can only stay clean for today. Yesterday makes no difference and tomorrow is not yet here yet so all we have is today. I like the work KISS> Keep It Simple Stupid. That fits me to a tea. I try to complicate things and look to far down the road at things when all I have control over is right now. Let me assure you, there is a way out of this. Good people around you to support you, a program of recovery involving certain steps that need to be done, and a choice you make on your own, I will NOT use today. That is all we can say, not for today, or not for an hour, a minute, whatever it takes us to get through the cravings. It can be done, but we all need each other. Working on it alone does not work. Work with fellow addicts and that will help you out. You have to give it away to keep it they say and I have found out so much that that is so true.

Allan

"Will power has no place in recovery. If you think so you are wrong. Try taking a box of ex-lax and see just how much will power you have to stop from going to the restroom." That's one of my favorite quotes when someone tells me I should have enough will power to stay off the dope. Ice was preferbly my drug of choice, but would smoke/take anything given to me. I'm still struggling so hard and today was one week clean for me, whereas before I had 10 months sobriety. I started getting in that mind set that I DID have will power and I could turn it down and I could only take a couple tokes and quit... I was WRONG! Will power definitely has no place in recovery. Because of my so-called will power, I relapsed. But I've turned the situation into something positive and realize relapse is just a part of recovery for some. As long as I got back on my feet and dusted my pants off, I'm alright.

Thanks for sharing, Allan. (((((((( Allan )))))))))