[madisgram]

james , so glad you're here for us to know what's going on.

[gma45]

I am here decided to take a bit of a break. My head seems clear at the moment, which is a good thing as I do need to make some major decisions regarding my future.

[roads]

What's this new job we're praying that you get, gma? (a la your status)

Glad to hear your head is clear, with decisions to make.

IDK, at this point in my life (and the world being in the state it's in) it seems that I am forever in need of making some major decision or another regarding my future. After a ridiculously prolonged fret, I've traded my truck in on a car & for a bipolar alcoholic I did a good job of it when I finally committed.

Maybe I can stop sleeping-over at the AA meeting hall all the time. Hope so--they raised their nightly rates on the 15th.

Roadie

Not so fabulous. I miss my father. I hate that my mother and sister have so much control over him that i cannot spend any quality time with him. It hurts a lot

[madisgram]

i feel like i know all of you like irl. so i want to share a recent event in my life that also applies to what i've learned in AA. there has been great concern re my health recently. i was so incredibly scared i could hardly do anything but worry and hyper-ventilate ALL day. the fear had consumed me. during the wait time for results for the most serious test i got on my knees and prayed. i asked my higher power to ease my burden from such intense worry. not to fix my medical problem, but merely to give me peace while i waited for the results. overnight another one of His miracles occurred. i woke up the following morning and felt calm. i was calm until the doctor visit to discuss this test.
so for me it's another thing i had learned re my spititual growth. i am embraced and loved by Him. even tho i thought i had faith before AA i found the true belief in the rooms of AA.
my first miracle in sobriety was when i prayed for the obsession to drink was lifted. the next morning i awoke with a tinge of hope i could get sober. this grew the longer i stayed sober. (i had tried multiple times to get sober and i failed.) asking for help i was given the gift of hope and my obsession was lifted.
not everyone has experiences like this and i don't mean to proselytize. it is just my experience.
for those of you struggling this may help you through adversity as it has for me.

[beauflow]

(((Madisgram))) good thoughts your way, and thank you for sharing your story. i am always glad to hear stories from others that use religion in a positive way that makes them better and that of what it basically all around says for followin.. if you remember, perhaps not which is ok, but i am not religious, a higher power i have trouble with, but i view it perhaps a differentway perhaps than others, but i think it could perhaps also intertwine with ones self being a better, or higher being than what they may had been before.

this either from God or growing of oneself through this journey of life.. both i think could be comprehendable,.
i am always glad to hear stories of their relationship with their god, to better themselves. its something i can't fully grasp but always thankful others do.


many hugs

[roads]

Both of you remind me of what I find in AA. I found a path here for me to get sober, and I'll always be able to find one to stay sober ... Even if it's a little different from everyone else's.

I found a higher power one night when I came out from the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff AZ and saw the Milky Way spilling across the skies above me ... I just believed, then, that some "something" was in charge of it all--including me ... and when I became truly desperate I returned to that cconcept of a "higher power" ... some "something" was in charge of it all--including me.

Thank you, madisgram. I like the chance you provide me here to think about these things and to state them, often for the first time, briefly for myself.

Roadie

Originally Posted by Roadie

Oh, (((((((James)))))))
Roadie

...still here

Originally Posted by madisgram

james , so glad you're here for us to know what's going on.

.... still here

[roads]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

...still here

I'm still here too, James!
And here for you.
Ain't life sweet!
Roadie

I found a way to manage....and so I should...from where I come from I expect this from myself.!

I need something to calm me down....it's taken years,,,and I guess not many are up to it?...**** I hope they are......bill and bob were cool at the time...but there is a new era of tough men around... and that aint no joke...been around long enough.....I don't recommend the young people drink...but hey they do what they do.

I have found a compromise too...

like I said...

and here is the kicker!

alcoholism is a state of mind!

this is my life and I decided not to be an alcoholic anymore....

and why NOT?

I busy myself with other things....and oh my gawd! what? you say?

find out ya damn self mate!

....and oh my gawd I have had drinks....crucify me...I will last longer than you in this mad world simply because I put no restrictictions on myself

AND I trust myself...I trust my motives..I trust my PAIN

I don't doubt my reasons...my feelings...I give them credit...does not mean I want to write myself off..

alcohol has become a part of my life like something meaningfull unlike meanless death ....**** that that.....

[LostAngel0616]

Been off of pot and k2 for three weeks now. Quit cigarettes five days ago. I'm still struggling with pain relievers. Only took 2000mgs today, which is pretty good for me.

Having fake weed issues myself, it's been a week free.

[notz]

persevere and fiercely protect your sobriety.

[roads]

recently discovered "fierce" and "feral" have same roots--
of interest to me since I'm beginning to support
healthy neutered Feral Cat Communities (yes, off-topic).
"Fierce" and "feral" also have same basis of
bravery and communal pride I found in AA.

absolutely, "persevere and fiercely protect your sobriety."
never go anywhere without it--you speak true, notz

well Jan....and Roadie

this is just for you

because in my own weird and beautiful way I love you both.

the emotional boundaries are infinite....

I get ****** sometimes because I fail to understand....it's not often...in fact it's bugger all rarely...

but once is enough to disturb me and cause new senses to activate,

jimmy loves you both.....for real....xx...so take that,,hehe...seriously..

affection and kindness..xx

[gma45]

I am here wanting to be somewhere else.

[notz]

Here is ok, isn't it?

[LostAngel0616]

Slipped on my cigarettes today. Started getting down on myself and really needed one. But I managed to escape the craving for one tonight by goin for a walk and calling my grandma. My blood cravings are pretty bad at night, though, so I'm toughin' through those right now as always. I miss smokin' pot. It put me on an even keel that I can't seem to master sober...

ok......

[LostAngel0616]

Really slipping on my cigarettes... I've smoked 2 already today and I have a feeling the stressors aren't going to stop anytime soon. Feel like I need some time away to myself, but everytime I try the people around me get offended. I don't know how to tell them I need space without either them thinking I don't care about their feelings, or myself worring that they're gonna be pissed when I get back and all my relaxing goes out the window.

[roads]

(((((((James)))))))
Thanks, my friend.

gma, maybe being somewhere else would help you ... but for me I was just always there. I had to be okay ... then everywhere was, really. I just liked some places.

What's this about? Not really "location," is it?

[LostAngel0616]

Haven't smoked at all today. Working on staying strong and really making today the change I need in my life. =)

[roads]

even though it's been over 20 yrs now since I smoked a cigarette, I still collect
negative images and put one up now and then for my subconscious to absorb ...

I thoroughly enjoyed the entire smoking experience. I didn't have the nauseous period that I remember,
but I didn't smoke as a child. I started in college and went to two-packs-a-day the first month.

I used to say that I'd smacked again if I knew I had only month's to live, but I don't think so any longer.

I confess, though ... I remember it fondly. ...
which is why I send negative signals to my subconscious.

If I ever start again, I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. You are having such a hard time, and I
understand the difficulty. Our doctor wouldn't let me care for my dad at home unless I quit.

Quitting to help him was easier than quitting to help myself.

But there is a way for you to do this, LostAngel. Keep coming back, keep posting, build/use
a support group--do whatever it takes for as long as it takes.

Roadie

[LostAngel0616]

Haven't smoked all day. Keeping that up this time.