[LostAngel0616]

Originally Posted by Roadie

Too bad the Prozac ran out, LostAngel. I'm glad to hear it's quieting down for you now and that your appt is tomorrow.

Do your best to stay in the present ... in the now. Listen to music, sleep if you can, anything that keeps you out of your head.

I'm doing my best to keep out of my head, but my girlfriend wants me to be more "social" with the household... Which takes away any personal destractions. Except when I can get away for a few to post on here. Mostly just when I'm in the bathroom... Lol. But thank you for the support.

[Edge11]

...9 months ago...

...9 months ago on a day like any other day in the life of an active alcoholic...I started the day in the usual way...Chugging vodka on the way to work...For weeks prior to this day I had been drinking almost around the clock...I needed it to function...About 10:00 AM I ran out of vodka and needed to get some more and I did...By lunch time I was obviously drunk...At least thats what my boss told me...I was sent home...On the way home I continued to drink...Overwhelmed by fear I pulled into the Mall parking lot...continuing to drink my vodka...I decided to call a close AA friend and tell him I was dying...I was...My body couldn't handle the abuse much longer...The thought of drinking myself to death seemed like a much easier choice than walking back into AA...tail between my legs and admit my way didn't work...I stopped at Liquor World and bought 2 pints of vodka and went home...I made it through the first pint and started the second...when out of the blue I decide to call my sponser and tell him my plan...He told me he didn't think I was a good Idea but that it was my choice...he suggested detox and I knew it was only a matter of hours until the DT's would start and I would have a seizure...I said O.K...He told me to keep drinking until He could get me to detox and thats the last thing I remember until I woke up in detox the next day strapped to my bed...The nurse sitting next to me said she was up all night praying and watching over me...She told me I had a seizure and had my poor sponser not gotten me there when he did I would have died...Why I decided to make those calls I'll never know...Maybe somebody up there likes me...

[roads]

Originally Posted by Edge11

...9 months ago...

....

Why I decided to make those calls I'll never know...Maybe somebody up there likes me...

Or maybe, deep down, you like you.
Maybe both!
Roadie

[LostAngel0616]

Addiction- wise, everything is okay. I'm starting to feel like I should just be alone, though. My girl is pissed at me because I don't cry over chick flicks. Apperently, because I'm a girl its a nortal sin not to go through a box of tissues when I watch "Beaches". She just use to get me so well, I don't understand why all of a sudden all the things I've always told her make me a freak...

[roads]

So don't automatically assume its YOU, LostAngel. What's going on with your girl? There are two sides in every relationship, remember. (Wow, I'm clever!) Talk to each other. Ask her--Can you do that?

You're not a freak--you're a mother, and all mothers and daughters have issues. But if your daughter's a teenage, she will probably make you out to be a freak if you let her.

Don't let her. Take the opportunity to work this mother/teen encounter out. Don't let this kind of friction feed your addiction. If you have a teenager, it's going to happen over and over again. Did not only doesn't have much to do with you ... it really doesn't have much to do with alcoholism--except in how alcoholics might predictably deal with this. We ... um ... have the slightest tendency to be a tad defensive ...

I do better when I fight this defensive inclination and try some gentle, non-combative honesty. Like with the Beaches crying discussion. It's important for kids to know that *feeling* doesn't always show. However she comes at you, try using a counter approach: a quiet voice if she shouts, a strong firm voice if she whimpers. But maintain eye contact and (IF she's a teen) remember she's a hormone-tossed teen.

Hormones are just another sort of drug . They're everywhere!.
Roadie

[LostAngel0616]

I guess I should have sepcified a bit better. I'm only 20, the "girl" I'm talking about is my girlfriend/lover.

[roads]

Originally Posted by LostAngel0616

I guess I should have sepcified a bit better. I'm only 20, the "girl" I'm talking about is my girlfriend/lover.

I coulda asked a question or two.
Save a few lines ...

[kare2bear]

Hi there..

been sober 7 years now. This last year I've really started not liking going to meetings. I"ve switched it up and tried different ones but for some reason I just don't like going anymore. I know I'm still an addict. It's just that I can't get back on track and starting going to meetings with regularity again.

I've been stressed over the past year.. relationship and job issues.. and find that I'm not comfortable talking about this at meetings. There's always someone who has to make comment on what I said and try to offer their 2 cents. Like when I talk about the **** my boyfriend and I are going through and people will actually say stuff like "I would leave him if things don't start to change" I absolutely hate that It makes me want to stay silent in the meeting or not go at all. Which is where I"m at now. For a long time I tried to brush off peoples comments in meetings and try to focus on the positive message, but I lost patience and decided to stop going for awhile.

Problem is.. I"m still an addict and have urges and impulses that have increased in the past 6 months. I try to keep my mind and body healthy with excercise and diet and see a therapist. I came really close to using a few weeks ago.. and fortunately by the grace of god did not act on the urge. I was able to play the tape all the through and realize using will only make my problems worse and **** with my emotions.

I came to PC to get support for emotional issues and am glad they also have a forum dealing with addictions. It's a way for me to at least read about others who struggle and get courage, strenth and hope to stay sober.

tks

[roads]

Hey, kare2bear. There was a movie called The Seven Year Itch about infidelity in marriage setting in at this point, when the routine became too much to bear. Some sort of principle in Psychology, I understand.

There are lots of seasoned folks here, but we're all vulnerable. That's the thing about having each other ... Someone's voice will resonate with me here just when I need to here something to shake me up--get my attention.

Madisgram and others will be along. Welcome. I'm Roadie.

[notz]

Originally Posted by kare2bear

Hi there..

been sober 7 years now. This last year I've really started not liking going to meetings. I"ve switched it up and tried different ones but for some reason I just don't like going anymore. I know I'm still an addict. It's just that I can't get back on track and starting going to meetings with regularity again.

I've been stressed over the past year.. relationship and job issues.. and find that I'm not comfortable talking about this at meetings. There's always someone who has to make comment on what I said and try to offer their 2 cents. Like when I talk about the **** my boyfriend and I are going through and people will actually say stuff like "I would leave him if things don't start to change" I absolutely hate that It makes me want to stay silent in the meeting or not go at all. Which is where I"m at now. For a long time I tried to brush off peoples comments in meetings and try to focus on the positive message, but I lost patience and decided to stop going for awhile.

Problem is.. I"m still an addict and have urges and impulses that have increased in the past 6 months. I try to keep my mind and body healthy with excercise and diet and see a therapist. I came really close to using a few weeks ago.. and fortunately by the grace of god did not act on the urge. I was able to play the tape all the through and realize using will only make my problems worse and **** with my emotions.

I came to PC to get support for emotional issues and am glad they also have a forum dealing with addictions. It's a way for me to at least read about others who struggle and get courage, strenth and hope to stay sober.

tks

I think I could've written this myself. I really hate it when a relative newcomer, let's say 2 years or less, wants to tell me how to do it! I've always hated this about meetings - the "holier than thou"/let me tell YOU how I would run your life" crap, rather than just sharing experience, strength and hope.

I found myself talking about "situations" that revolved around a principle of the steps...like "honesty, hope, brotherhood, etc." I like how that helped me get to the root of what I was questioning. I didn't use any specifics, just stuck to the principles of the steps. That's my experience.

When you have around 7 years like you, it's hard to bite your tongue! My former sponsor used to tell me that there's no accounting for how some people earn or keep their seat! Still cracks me up to this day!! Kinda puts it all in perspective for me.

As far as going to meetings, you'll have to sort through that. We're here and we care.

[kare2bear]

you guys rock.. it's just what I need to hear. For years I shared only in generalities relating my issues to the steps.. because I didn't really feel comfortable getting into details and I didn't feel the need to get into details. But the last 2 years have been quite stressful for me and I've found it more difficult to sit in meetings and talk. I started going to a womens meeting and that is where I shared more about my relationship issues. I felt pretty comfortable at first and then a few people made comments and I just stopped going.

That's probably not the only reason I stopped going.. I can relate to Roadie's comment about boredom. I guess I am a bit bored. Boredom, stress , anxiety and isolation are not a good mix for an addict. It's like I'm creating the perfect storm for relapse.

The only thing holding me back from using is that I still have the ability to think it through before I act on an impulse. So far... the end result is that it's more work and will make things worse if I use. I forget that using is a fulltime job. And a ****** fulltime job.

Thanks for all your support...got get back to my real fulltime job

I am sober today. I was sober yesterday. I look forward to being sober tommorow. Sobriety is something I am grateful for. I am not more powerful than God. Thanks for reading.

[Puffyprue]

Miss that feeling! *sigh*
what do you do when you just miss getting high?

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by puffyprue

Miss that feeling! *sigh*
what do you do when you just miss getting high?

It can be hard, and it is easier said than done-- but Try to find something that will relieve your stress... I some times paint for hours -- it takes me away from my stress (usually the thing that really pushes the I want to get high feeling for me).. I get lost with painting and what to do-- and I think of Bob Ross Happy Trees



Some times playing a video game can help me too-- I like Beat Hazard a game on Xbox that my S/O has, it has music and little ship and it is like that one old arcade game that you "blow up the enemy that is trying to attack you" but it has your music that you put on the council... I like it and some days it really helps....

Or Just music it self-- some times that helps me a lot with getting away from the now for a bit--



sorry if those things do not fit for relieving stress for you, but what maybe yours?

Some times walking around can help me too...

Guess I have assumed stress is the trigger to get high sorry-- maybe that too finding what makes you want to get high right now, could help..

[kare2bear]

Originally Posted by puffyprue

Miss that feeling! *sigh*
what do you do when you just miss getting high?

I miss getting high as well. I get jealous of others who can enjoy the experience of a drink. But then I remember.. they are not alcoholics or addicts... I am.

I really try to examine why I want to get high. For me the only thing that works is to play the tape all the way to the end. Meaning.. I imagine that I do take a drink or use and what would truly happen. I know I will likely enjoy the 1st few minutes, hours or whatever and then it tends to get ugly from there.

But I keep the tape rolling and really try to get to the end. What will my reality be if I choose to take a drink/drug? I lose control after the 1st drink and it goes downhill pretty fast. So.. that helps me to get things in perspective a little bit.

I also try to keep myself occupied with healthy alternatives. That helps to keep the impulsive using thoughts to a minimum.

And talking about those urges with people also helps. The more people know, the better. That's my safety net. They know I'm and addict and it helps me to not act on those urges. They would know immediately if I started using agian.. and I remember what a pain in the *** all the lying and living a double life can be. As I said before.. using is like a ****** fulltime job. So much work just to keep that life going.

peace and love
kare

[Puffyprue]

Originally Posted by beauflow

It can be hard, and it is easier said than done-- but Try to find something that will relieve your stress... I some times paint for hours -- it takes me away from my stress (usually the thing that really pushes the I want to get high feeling for me).. I get lost with painting and what to do-- and I think of Bob Ross Happy Trees



Some times playing a video game can help me too-- I like Beat Hazard a game on Xbox that my S/O has, it has music and little ship and it is like that one old arcade game that you "blow up the enemy that is trying to attack you" but it has your music that you put on the council... I like it and some days it really helps....

Or Just music it self-- some times that helps me a lot with getting away from the now for a bit--



sorry if those things do not fit for relieving stress for you, but what maybe yours?

Some times walking around can help me too...

Guess I have assumed stress is the trigger to get high sorry-- maybe that too finding what makes you want to get high right now, could help..

thank you for your suggestion, too much things happens at the same time in my life its probably why i miss the feeling not to feels and at this moment nothing helps
i went to pharmacy the other day and they say they wont sell it unless with prescription, the place where i used to get it dont have it for now been to 3 places already and all i ve been thinking is i need to find a new place or i could go to visit my doctor and he will prescribed me for sure ( this is the last things i want to do)

this is sucks and i hate myself !

in my life not much people know i addicted to drugs only my best friends and i cant talk about it

[LostAngel0616]

Doing pretty good so ffar, today. Just got off my first day of work, and it went great! Had some crazy stuff go on at home, though, and everyone here is sleeping so I don't really know whats goin on... But my mood is good for now! Want to smoke some pot to celebrate the first day, but we don't have any... =( oh well, I'm just enjoying this good mood!

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Edge11

...9 months ago...

...9 months ago on a day like any other day in the life of an active alcoholic...I started the day in the usual way...Chugging vodka on the way to work...For weeks prior to this day I had been drinking almost around the clock...I needed it to function...About 10:00 AM I ran out of vodka and needed to get some more and I did...By lunch time I was obviously drunk...At least thats what my boss told me...I was sent home...On the way home I continued to drink...Overwhelmed by fear I pulled into the Mall parking lot...continuing to drink my vodka...I decided to call a close AA friend and tell him I was dying...I was...My body couldn't handle the abuse much longer...The thought of drinking myself to ...

hi edgesounds like you had an "angel" watching over you at the detox...the nurse. i also believe there are no coincidencies. you called and asked for help even when you didn't think about it.
your post reminded me of when i just wanted to end it all. NO hope just a blak void. and instead i reached out for help. been sober ever since. it was truly not of my conscious doing. i think it was a miracle and sounds like you had one too. thanks for sharing your experience. i'm so glad that instead of self-destruction you sought help that day and are here.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by kare2bear

Hi there..

been sober 7 years now. This last year I've really started not liking going to meetings. I"ve switched it up and tried different ones but for some reason I just don't like going anymore. I know I'm still an addict. It's just that I can't get back on track and starting going to meetings with regularity again.

I've been stressed over the past year.. relationship and job issues.. and find that I'm not comfortable talking about this at meetings. There's always someone who has to make comment on what I said and try to offer their 2 cents. Like when I talk about the **** my boyfriend and I are going through and people will actually say stuff like "I would leave him if things don't start to change" I absolutely hate that It makes me want to stay silent in the meeting or not go at all. Which is where I"m at now. For a long time I tried to brush off peoples comments in meetings and try to focus on the positive message, but I lost patience and decided to stop going for awhile.

Problem is.. I"m still an addict and have urges and impulses that have increased in the past 6 months. I came really close to using a few weeks ago.. and fortunately by the grace of god did not act on the urge. I was able to play the tape all the through and realize using will only make my problems worse and **** with my emotions.
I came to PC to get support for emotional issues and am glad they also have a forum dealing with addictions. It's a way for me to at least read about others who struggle and get courage, strenth and hope to stay sober.

tks

here's a thought karebear...when you are needing to share about your life stuggles at a mtg. share how it makes you feel. relate this to your old drinking habits and stinkin' thinking. our reactions to life's problems is to numb our emotions instead of resolving conflict. it's an old habit to escape.
most importantly get to a meeting. the longer you stay away the harder it gets. excuses are not the real reasons. the longer you stay away the greater chance of relapse. turn yourself around and head the other way.
i'm so glad you posted. when you go to a meeting- i hope -you can listen for now. i'm sure you'll hear solutions to how you perceive your life problems and helpful stuff to give you the serenity you deserve. we just have to show up. a dear friend of mine used to say "this ain't no dress rehearsal!" it puts things in a better perspective.
hope you' get to a meeting. don't quite understand why it works but it does. the serenity will follow. that i am sure.

[LostAngel0616]

Today has been a good one. Got lots of compliments from my manager and co-workers for my second day on the job, so that made me feel great. Got my meds, and got through my first pap. >_< I've been dreading it for years. But it wasn't too bad. I'm really craving a bowl (of pot) but still don't have any. I'll make it, though. Haven't been craving cigs at all. The thing concerning me now is not forming a habit to the klonopin. I think I'm going to as my shrink about welbutrin or paxil next time I go in. I've been doing my research and listening to some advice and I think one of those will be better for me. But in a generally good mood, anyway!

[Salmacis]

Just checking in... entered rehab Sept 29, 2011 - 10 month anniversary of sobriety coming up in a few weeks. Go me! Wishing peace and comfort to all who are suffering today. May tomorrow be a better day!

[kare2bear]

Originally Posted by madisgram

here's a thought karebear...when you are needing to share about your life stuggles at a mtg. share how it makes you feel. relate this to your old drinking habits and stinkin' thinking. our reactions to life's problems is to numb our emotions instead of resolving conflict. it's an old habit to escape.
most importantly get to a meeting. the longer you stay away the harder it gets. excuses are not the real reasons. the longer you stay away the greater chance of relapse. turn yourself around and head the other way.
i'm so glad you posted. when you go to a meeting- i hope -you can listen for now. i'm sure you'll hear solutions to how you perceive your life problems and helpful stuff to give you the serenity you deserve. we just have to show up. a dear friend of mine used to say "this ain't no dress rehearsal!" it puts things in a better perspective.
hope you' get to a meeting. don't quite understand why it works but it does. the serenity will follow. that i am sure.

thanks Madisgram.. I appreciate your response. I know I should go to a meeting.. but I can't say that my defiant, grumpy self didn't pop up when I read your suggestion about meetings. Don't know why that happens as I know you're speaking the truth.

I just wish I had the desire to go back to meetings. I spent the last year forcing myself to go... thinking my mood will change and I will like meetings again. It didn't happen so I stopped going and thought I would give myself a little break.

I envy people that are drawn to meetings and look foward to going. I hear it from so many at the meetings.. how they just can't wait to get there. And then I feel empty inside because it's about the last place I want to be. Meetings can cause me a great deal of anxiety.

I will continue to pray every morning asking my higher power to guide me in the right direction, to do the next right thing and above all to to help me stay sober today.

I'm grateful for this forum.. it's keeping sobriety on my mind. I don't feel so all alone.

peace
kare

[kare2bear]

Originally Posted by Salmacis

Just checking in... entered rehab Sept 29, 2011 - 10 month anniversary of sobriety coming up in a few weeks. Go me! Wishing peace and comfort to all who are suffering today. May tomorrow be a better day!

way to go Salmacis.. that is so awsome

[gma45]

Just checking in. been having some health stuff going on that i don't like. feet swollen and I don't know why. I went back to my old home town and it was not good.....slip....but I am back on track again.

[allen645]

Great thinking. Simply superb. Hats off.

Another busy day for me, fully concentrated on work.