 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Dec 14, 2011, 03:52 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Everything just seems overwhelming, and I need to vent. I dont know how heroin or syringes became "normal" or "routine". I'm both a student and technically what you would call a functional addict. I've been in and out of both therapy and rehab for over two years since I got arrested for selling mushrooms (as a minor thank god.) Out patient drug group did nothing for me except believe I can beat the system.
I was wrong. All sobriety did was make me realize how much I don't want to feel. Now about two years later, on and off SSRI's (now back on), I mostly use opiates so i can ignore everything that I don't like. Life is encroaching. I just feel like I'm a burden on my family, and i just want to crawl away so they won't have to bare the shame of what my life has led me to. I'm on prozac again, because since my last discontinuation hard break ups, and all the stress of school made me want to end my life. Prozac stopped these urges for me, I wouldn't just hit the bottom of my sadness. I haven't really had many issues after starting it again, I've just had to quit wearing my heart on my sleeve, but you cant control feelings. And now it seems to be working less. My question is what do I do? I'm just glad I'm at my parents house, because when I am away at school I barely have motivation to get out of bed during daylight except for drugs. I have a few friends out there, but I don't think they care, because my best friend who had to leave the University and I isolated ourselves from them with his girl and at that time oxycontin. They almost had an intervention with us, I laughed at the idea, but I just think they see me as a junkie. Especially when I dip out to go pick up and come back obviously nodding. Is methadone just another way to cope or do you think it would help. Also what about benzos for anxiety? I really want to get help from doctors but I don't want them to black mark me as a junkie that will never get painkillers again. and I hate/fear doctors because I had a horrible experience getting a catheter when I had alcohol poisoning. Also they never want to give me anything even if I mimic symptoms from the DSM - IV checklist. And yeah I totally admitted to trying to play doctors, but they just see me and think stoner (or recently tweeker) and refuse me any medications. Again what do? I've just been sobbing in my bed all night long. My prozac is no |
 insanity500, Neurontin
|
 Neurontin
|
|
#2
Dec 15, 2011, 10:29 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
denial of drug abuse complicates the issue. protecting your stash is another. the only solution is admitting you have a problem, imo. how low are we willing to go before we get help? it's suggested abusing drugs promises us jails, institutions and death. i wish you well.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
|
#3
Dec 15, 2011, 12:03 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Froski, sorry you are having such a hard struggle. I would find a program and stick with it; maybe try the methadone but get a counselling program or group to go with it and quit trying to beat the system; the "system" doesn't care, is the brick wall you are banging your head against -- it only looks like you are beating it.
You have to face the painful feelings, dulling them with drugs, either legal or illegal is not the answer.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
|
#4
Dec 17, 2011, 07:06 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
If you can go cold turkey, I sincerely believe that's the best route. Having said this, without knowing the state of your health, I cannot advise this, as it may be dangerous to do so without pharmacological help; only a doctor can make this determination. I managed to replace alcohol (and cocaine) with copious amounts of water, increased coffee intake and some sweets (initially only). And, slowly improved my eating and exercise habits. My sobriety has improved incrementally over the last 1.5 yrs. I voluntarily checked into an outpatient rehab and started going to AA meetings. I have found that ending all contact with former co-users has helped. It was a combination of many things, on different fronts. You may really want to consider taking a semester off and finding a quiet space somewhere to heal. Staying at my folks place turned out to be a mistake though and I have managed to find some peace of mind living on my own, in my own place. If you can afford it, some travel can make a difference too-provided you are willing to see it not as an escape but an opportunity to gain a better perspective by immersing yourself in another culture for instance, maybe learning a foreign language, trying something outside of your normal comfort zone (or curriculum). One program immediately comes to mind and that is WWOOF (Worldwide Opportunities on Organic Farms), an information service linking travellers with organic farms which promote sustainable farming by hosting travellers for free. You could go to Costa Rica for example (or anywhere else in the world) and work on a farm, in exchange for room and board and all you would have to pay for would be a plane ticket. Regardless of what you do, it is essential to take radical measures; become as energetic about getting healthy as you have been about getting your next fix. I wish you well.
|
| roads
|
|
#5
Dec 17, 2011, 07:34 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
utterly freaking brilliant! I am shivering as I write this... the stuff I have put in my arm....? my God! drifting from one hit to the next....took years out of me , I was the 'junkie'....I had a needle in my sock everywhere I went.... watching that brief blood high! putting it in....pulling it out! oh my God! so....what to do huh? you me....us we.... we have it or we don't....?I pumped drugs into myself for years.....that was my direction.... NOW finally out of the madness ....I still suffer... survival instinct will save you and you have something....many things to help others..... stay alive dear matey... we each need ourselves jboy Last edited by Christina86; Dec 17, 2011 at 11:36 AM. Reason: added trigger icon |
|
#6
Dec 17, 2011, 08:10 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I was a functioning alcoholic for fifteen years while consuming between one & two fifths of scotch plus uncounted beer & other substances--not all alcoholic--daily. At the end I hit the wall, knowing I had to quit now or there would be no next time. I was so sick, though, that I was in the present--that sort of wrenching, projectile vomiting prevents thinking much about the future, which probably saved me. In the present, I just did what people told me to do. And they saved my life. I started seizing, so I was kept in a drug-induced coma for three days. When I came to, I had lots of time to think, to ponder the future, and I wanted out. It was too late for an easy out, and slowly the program started to interest me a bit. That was 30 yrs ago. I've relapsed once. Blew 12 yrs sobriety. At least I knew it was worth getting back. That's my story. If it helps you any, I'm glad. If it doesn't ... well, I'm really sorry, & I wish I'd told it better. But it helps me every time I tell it. Reminds me how incredibly blessed I am. And that's true, by the way, even though I'll never be given painkillers again, till I'm on my deathbed. There's a directive to that effect on my medical record. No, my doctor didn't put it there. I did. Every time I took a painkiller, the urge to drink was overwhelming. It just wasn't worth it. That's how much sobriety means to me. Yep. It's that good. Roadrunner |
| Suki22
|
|
#7
Dec 17, 2011, 08:23 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
roadrunner....I understand. I get it all of it..... the whole lot!... i hope you are ok j |
|
#8
Dec 17, 2011, 12:10 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
 "All That We Send Into The Lives of Others Comes Back Into Our Own." Edwin Markham (1852-1940) American Poet
|
|
#9
Dec 19, 2011, 04:30 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I have nothing useful or helpful to say but I couldn't just click past.
I am an addict also. Benzos are my thing. I've done rehab this year, and am still clean. 113 days now. 171 if not for a little boozy slip. I have been told that benzos are the hardest thing to come off in the long term, and for any addict to downgrade to them is just plain stupid. It's asking for trouble. The addict will abuse any substance. It doesn't matter if it's legal pain pills, or hammer. There is always something. Chances are, if you've been in the system, you know about NA. Have a read of the NA Basic Text. Personally, I kinda think it's written about *ME* but everyone I've talked to has felt the same way. I'm working my way through it, searching for answers. Because they aren't in the bottom of a wine bottle, or a bottle of xanax, or in a needle. I've looked, and I'm sure you have to. All the best, I think it comes down to a commitment to Recovery, and gaining the Life Skills, and coping skills for dealing with everything, without substances. Good luck, and try http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/ *huge hugs* xxx
__________________
Loving me's like chewing on pearls..... |
|
#10
Dec 19, 2011, 04:34 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I have nothing useful or helpful to say but I couldn't just click past.
I am an addict also. Benzos are my thing. I've done rehab this year, and am still clean. 113 days now. 171 if not for a little boozy slip. I have been told that benzos are the hardest thing to come off in the long term, and for any addict to downgrade to them is just plain stupid. It's asking for trouble. The addict will abuse any substance. It doesn't matter if it's legal pain pills, or hammer. There is always something. Chances are, if you've been in the system, you know about NA. Have a read of the NA Basic Text. Personally, I kinda think it's written about *ME* but everyone I've talked to has felt the same way. I'm working my way through it, searching for answers. Because they aren't in the bottom of a wine bottle, or a bottle of xanax, or in a needle. I've looked, and I'm sure you have to. All the best, I think it comes down to a commitment to Recovery, and gaining the Life Skills, and coping skills for dealing with everything, without substances. Good luck, and try http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/ *huge hugs* xxx
__________________
Loving me's like chewing on pearls..... |
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
