Broken Fatherhood

Sorry I've been away for awhile.....working on my farm & getting things done is a lot of work for one person....love it but it's hard & sometimes feels impossible.

Sounds like you are using some good skills to deal with the issues
Being controlled never feels good......that's not the way a family situation is supposed to be in either direction....neither husband nor wife should be controlling.....it's a partnership that needs to be worked at together. Sounds like a lot of marriage counseling needs to seriously be worked on.

Is there any way they can extend the family counseling? Sounds like it's an important thing for your family & to cut if off now might not be the best thing for your family.....you still have so much to work on.

Glad you keep trying to see things with a clear mind & so very glad that you have stopped the drinking whiskey. All I can suggest is that keep working on these issues in your marriage counselling & hopefully your marriage will work into the partnership.

Sounds to me like wife & daughters might need more counseling if they're throwing the kind of comments that anger and HUMILIATE you! Humiliation is NOT something that belongs in a family -- no way. That's hitting below the belt. It a scheme of trying to break someong, and that's a dirty trick.

I'm glad you're holding your temper, 1tash1, and I KNOW how hard it must be for you. NO ONE wants to be humiliated. It hurts - and when we get hurt, we tend to hurt back. So it's good that you take a walk to clear your head.

As you've stated before, things didn't get like this overnight, so they're not going to get better overnight either. It's going to take time and patience, and you're using a LOT of patience. I know how hard that is for you. But it will pay off in the long run.

Kids learn what they live & what they SEE - so hopefully your girls will see & learn what you're doing, and will come to understand that you've changed for the better. And I KNOW that they know you LOVE them
Keep doing what you're doing 1tash1. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Would love and did love working on a farm, I like live in the city sucks here, as good as a person U seem eskielover hard to imagine U are alone, be crazy doing a farm by your self,I have helped bail hay on a farm an vaccination cattle before wow was that a treat lmao good luck doing that farm work that isn't a joke that there is real work alot people will never know lol .I was not real happy loosing my family counseling my 13 year old this weekend went un controllable again had a terrible time with her, myself an wife worked it ok good as a team was tough but we got things under control so far, Knock on wood. I took a stand for myself over the last week an really made me feel alot better I took an approach that didn't cause a conflict, I was so happy and I didn't upset anyone, things smoothed out grate, doesn't happen very much in my house but was thankful, I seeing what I can do to get family counseling back, no idea on anything yet but I will find out soon I hope. Leep I building a lot better tolerance, not sure why think is cause of the past pain, I see so much clearer but then again I am not drinking myself stupid either thank god I haven't lost my family or anything yet just some hurt very hurt feelings an maybe some us here has a higher blood pressure lol.With positive advice like I have got here on PC an counseling I have obtained this year also book I have read from John Gray not saying is all grate but saying I have been alot happier as so my family has been getting more stable and tolerable, time and patience is all I have left I have came to a point I will do my best, if isn't enough I am sorry I do my best is all I got, as long there is some kind of progress I can handle it, keeping focused on things will be my goal to move forward.

It's so wonderful to see the positive outlook & the working through the difficult situations.....you have come so far since your first posting here not that long ago. Glad to hear that you & your wife are working well as a team with your 13 year old & glad you were able to take a necessary stand which also made yourself.

You have made so many important changes in your relating to your family & your wife & are working so well at making the necessary changes & helping others change for the better also & your focus & moving forward are the one thing my husband refused to do......so I can definitely appreciate all the effort you are putting into your marriage & family

Update Hello peoples , I have made it through all the counselling but no change in my 14 year old she has been on house arrest since April, She has no feelings what so ever towards are hole family she is walking on all of us ,court is every other week plus her counseling ever week they have not helped what so ever if anything they have made everything more terrible then it has ever been. Myself and wife has been praying for her to come to reality but she is like talking to a black hole. We hand give her meds, to make sure she is taking them she has been clean of any drugs she is being tested weekly. I really thinking something in brain isn't right there is a real serious problem going on with her.

Can you have the court order psychological testing on her to help you determine if there is something wrong? It would be better to determine now & treat than just letting it slip through the crack & have her only handled by the court system.

I know that some kids if they sense that their family isn't in a good place like it sounds like your marriage still isn't back to being a good stable home life (the relationship between you & your wife)....kids can sense those kinds of things & then act out because of it......that's why it's important to determine if there is some kind of psychological issue she's dealing with or not.

When things don't come together like they aren't you know there is some other underlying issue that exists......I definitely wish you the best with this....know how difficult it is to deal with when it's our kids who are seeming to be rebellious even if it's not what they are really doing.

We have been through the meeting for valuation for testing problem I think it is they do not want to diagnosis on a minor, is what I was told.It all started when she started her monthly cycle at age 11 been crazy since but as parent U can not do anything there is no help what so ever, we have been trying everything we have court tomorrow will see how it goes but usually they do nothing what so ever. They drug test her and tell her she is on the right path,problem is she has never been on drugs so why test her why tell her she is clean she has always been clean it is real frustrating even talking about it not anyone has made her accountable for her actions and she is totally lost in her own little world,more disrespectful then she has ever been really sad and scary.

Can you take her to a private psychologist or psychiatrist? I know it might be pricey but it would be worth it to find out what's wrong! I would certainly do it or anything else I could to figure out what was going on. Maybe one of them can test her and see if they can determine if she has a problem of some sort.
I'd give it a try.

I'm glad you updated us 1tash1. I've thought of you many times since your last post. Thanks for letting us know what's going on.

Take care and keep us updated, ok? You're part of our "family" here. God bless & talk to you soon. Hugs, Lee

My daughter has been evaluated by both for a long time now, not pricey I have very very good medical insurance. Well tonight she was incarcerated cuffed and took down till December 13 hope to god I am praying it will be a leason and will change her ways we have tried everything.

Oh my goodness......what happened?????? I don't hold much faith in the judicial system changing anyone's attitudes....seems like it only makes people more angry much of the time........I really hope that you can find help that will really get to the bottom of what's bothering her.

I know that kids can sense when things aren't good in a marriage whether we try to make it look good or not....& there are things that can bother them & they just aren't willing to open up until someone they can really relate to touches their life.

Sounds like she just won't open up to anyone right now about what's bothering her & is acting out in harmful ways......sadly, usually until the real issue is resolved, things won't change much.......hmmmmmm maybe she is the one that needs to be here on PC so that she can find a way to express herself in a non-harmful way.

Sometimes kids feel like they aren't getting attention, then they start acting in negative ways if they can't seem to figure out positive ways to get attention......then the behavior starts to become a habit even when things around them change.......but in reality, your marriage doesn't sound like it has really changed much.....even though you are doing well with your drinking problem from the past.....but don't forget, kids can feel the negative vibes from a bad marriage even when we think we are hiding it well.

Hope she finds someone who she can open up to about what's bothering her so that she will be able to stop her self-destructive behavior......& maybe find what might possibly be psychologically going wrong with her. It's sad to see mental illness issues end up in the judicial system which all too often is what happens.

Wishing you the best with this & thanks for keeping us posted on how things are going.....have been thinking a lot about you lately before you posted & was wondering how things were going......like Leed said, PC is very much like a caring family.....only much better in many ways

OMG I just saw this 1tash1, and I'm so sorry. I just saw this today. I hope and pray this is a wakeup call for her. I know it's not going to be a pleasant experience for her, but maybe she'll actually talk to someone and open up about what's really bothering her. Lord only knows that she hasn't done that with anyone before!

I know she must be hurting. I just wish these kids would learn that they can trust their parents. My granddaughter is the same way. And now she's basically ruined her future.

My thoughts and prayers are with you 1tash1. Please continue to keep us posted. We appreciate it. You're family. Hugs, Lee

My daughter got to call us 5 minutes Sunday night,wife put her on speaker phone I couldn't talk to her I was gulped in tears to here her voice sound so hurt she could barley talk from crying just wanting to come home she kept saying cut me like a knife in my heart to here her like that,honestly she needs a wake up call or a good scare I keep telling myself,she had every chance and then some not to get put in there but she has been running the roads with being on house arrest since April in the last month she accumulated over 100 pages of probation violations on her house monitor is why she is in juvie jail. We have court every other week she could have changed so she would not have ended up having to go there.Thanks for the support god bless.

Well, since she's so miserable perhaps she's waking up, and realizing that she's been out of control and needs to change. I'm sure she's not having any fun in Juvenile hall -- and if she's thought about it, I hope she knows that actual JAIL is even WORSE. So hopefully she's going to have an attitude adjustment when she gets out.

So maybe this isn't a BAD thing. Maybe this is a good thing to happen, IF it's going to help change her. But the fact that she's so miserable IS a good thing, so maybe she'll remember this the rest of her life!

I know it hurt you 1tash1 to hear her in there, but think of it as a learning experience -- this may turn out to be a good thing. God bless & please take care. I'm keeping you in my prayers. Hugs, Lee xxx

She had 10 days back in Feb this is not the 1st time but she will be in longer this go around so I pray this is a wake up call.

Everyone needs to learn that there are serious consequences to their actions......hopefully this is what she's learning.....so many believe they won't be caught for what they do.....glad that they put her in there....make her life feel miserable....it was her choice in the first place because she knew what actions they would take.....now she really knows......sounds like an even better learning experience for her so she understands that her actions do have consequences.

My wife and I got to visit her for 1 hour was allot of tears is really difficult to see your daughter in behind bars I felt so helpless,not sure how much more I can take of that even though she is the one in jail,I miss her so much,I pray this will change her decisions and behavior start following the rules.I think she comes home Thursday this week maybe. Take care all

Well I am happy I got my daughter back I LOVE HER SO MUCH I was in tears to see her come into court cuffed like that wow what a feeling.She was in 14 days I told her my heart will not take that ever again my mission is her no more abuse.

So she's home now? I'm so happy for you 1tash1. I HOPE her attitude has changed, and that she learned something while she was in. I hope this was a good experience for her == learning experience I mean.

Let's pray she never has to go thru that again. And I pray for YOUR SAKE she never does!!!

Again, I'm so happy for you. Keep us posted how things go, okay? Hugs, Lee

Sometimes the worse experiences are the best.....if they learn from it that they don't want to repeat & want to change....otherwise.....

It's not up to you....it's really up to her to make the changes to keep herself out of jail in the future.

Hope she learned something FOR YOUR SAKE.

Well terrible news she has strayed to not listen to her mother or myself . I have talk for many days with my wife, we have decided maybe a reform school or group home we have both give up on her !!! she is disrespectful telling us were she going and not listening to nothing or anyone she is totally in her own little word, she has no remorse for anything what so ever ,all about her no self control, no fear what so ever on anything or anybody very sad courts probation house arrest jail B&E sex-ting 18 an older boys just totally nasty and very sad I just praying something will help if anyone has any closure on this matter would be well appreciated very much.

Your own marriage situation isn't helping her either. I am sure she senses & knows the problems that are going on between you & your wife especially after your wife's OD........you aren't giving her a stable home to become stable in.....kids who have problems anyway are more likely to act out in unstable home situations.

Life isn't easy for teens these days...but when family is falling apart around them....it makes it even worse for those with already existing problems

I have gave up on my daughter I am not her father she doesn't exist to me anymore.............................................................

OMG -- 1tash1, don't EVER disown a child -- ever!! Can you even IMAGINE how that makes the child feel? They already feel that life is cruel, and that no one cares -- and then to be disowned by their parents?? My God, that's like giving them a death sentence!

1tash1, she's SCREAMING for help. You may not think so because she's being so disrespectful. But that's the only way she knows how to do it. My granddaughter did the same thing!! She was also screaming for help. But we got her OUT of the town she was living in -- away from the kids she was hanging with -- out of the school she was going to -- and today, her grades are all A's & B's, she has apologized for everything she has done (she's still in therapy and has been for a year) she called ME -- I'm her grandma -- and apologized for me for being so disrespectful. She's 17 yrs old. She was JUST like your daughter!

In order to save her, maybe you should MOVE. Wouldn't it be worth it to SAVE A CHILD? I sure think so. A child is a precious gift from God. PLEASE don't cut her out of your life! That would be a horrible thing to do.

She's trying her darnedest to find her place in life, and she doesn't know who she is, or where she belongs. And her family is falling apart right before her eyes. She hasn't had very good role models, you know. I'm sorry I have to say that. She's really screaming for you and for your love. Don't give up on her. Hugs, Lee

I have gave up on everything I have built an accomplished in 23 years she my daughter has single handed has destroyed my hole family I now tonight am moving out my house this weekend the lastest we are going to try that myself and my wife has decided to do this just maybe maybe something good will turn out of all this I am not sure but me an my wife has came to this decision. The courts the counselors the law can kiss me a ss there are no help for issues like this it has destroyed everything I am sorry to talk like this but truth is truth TASHHHHHHHHHH OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

My daughter now lives else were I am back home I miss her so much and I love her but I refuse to live with her right now,I gave my wife an option she leaves or I do. I am home now doing very well, so far my daughter is doing well to she has a chance for a new clean start she is in new school, they have uniforms there lol that is awesome she has tried causing trouble but so far things are fair at the moment I wish her well hope she straightens out her life.Maybe in near future she will get to come home for a day or 2 to see how things go time heals I hope that is true I really do cause I am so bitter still..