[desirae]

I've hoped before, I had faith she could do it before, and I even once believed she could nip this addiction (crack cocaine) in the ***.....but I always proved wrong and betrayed like an idiot.

My moms been using crack since I was 13, I am now 20, and she still has a strong...life consuming...crack addiction. She has ruined alot this past 2 years with my Grandma's terminal illness, my pregnancies, and my sisters pregnancy.

She has taken 3 grand and much much more from me in the past year.

Well she calls me telling me she joined a outpatient, 6 hour a day, drug treatment program. She says that they do drug screenings and if she comes up dirty they will admit her into inpatient, residential treatment.

I want to have hope, and I want to believe her, but I don't. I mean that would be great to get my mom back because I really need her, and I have needed her in the last couple years.....but if she did not get sober for my babies, why would she get sober for my sisters.

She says that's why she's ready to get sober.

I don't know, all I know is if she don't do something soon, she will die within the next year or so from od, drug deal gone wrong, or a mad john....which ever she will die.

I hope she can save her own life and save the little bit that she has of her original self.....it would be nice to see her again.

((( desirae )))

I'm so sorry you've lost your mom to addiction. I understand how hard that is, to watch your loved ones slowly kill themselves.

but if she did not get sober for my babies, why would she get sober for my sisters.

I'm sure you already know this but if you place too much hope on your mom's getting clean for you, your babies, your sister etc, you will no doubt be disappointed.

People have to get clean/sober for themselves.

I'm rooting for you and your mom. I hope she can overcome this and you can have her back.

Keep us posted.

Petunia

[desirae]

I agree 100%, becoming sober for yourself is the only reason that will work. Ones own survival I guess, that's what matters in the end, or the other stuff is meaningless.

[dottie]

Hi. My brother is a die-hard alcoholic. He has caused so much pain. Here is what i am dreading. That is....what's to come, perhaps, in the future if he continues to drink and drive. I am scared to death that he might maim or kill someone. Lord...it could be a bus full of schoolchildren.

He has been doing this for years. How is it possible that he has not even received one DUI ticket?

Can't get him into treatment. He thinks AA is a joke.He lives with an alcoholic woman. She is bi polar and when she hits the sauce...she rapid cycles..and can become physical. She thinks pills are for weak and dopey people..yet sees nothing wrong with slammin' back triples! I am sorry Deserae! You deserve better! i hope your Mom can get clean! Take care!! God bless!

~Dottie

I'm sorry addiction is in your family too. It's so very hard to see loved ones struggling with it.

I've lost family members and have a brother that is much like dottie's brother-- except mine has served time in jail and has had two DUIs. He still thinks AA is a joke. I fear he will end up like our family members that have lost their lives early to addiction.

I also agree with Petunia.... one has to stop for themselves. I do believe that frame of thought is best also for loved ones-- that way, if they do fail-- it's not about anyone but themselves. It's not that they don't love us... that they went back..... I think it's how they value themselves and how strong they are to overcome the addiction-- I believe it's not about us loved ones and how much they do or don't love us.

My fingers are also crossed for your mom. I know one thing.... she's very lucky to have a daughter that loves her as much as you do. All the best to you- desirae.

mandy

[niko851]

Dottie -

I just cannot belive how much more we have in common... My dad, a 'veteran' alcoholic, has done SO much to continue causing me pain & grief; that is, until I finally said enough was enough...

As an FYI, my mother is addicted to downers - anything from Xanax, Valium, Ativan - whatever is out there on the given day/week...

So i have two parents that I used to deal with - and I just had to finally turn my head the other way....

Now bcuz I am bi-polar, and also due to a recent manic episode, I haphazardly smoked a joint. Ridiculous excuse, I know, but I somehow knew I needed to calm down... Thinking that would be the best way, given my meds weren't working, I ended up causing myself more grief bcuz I was screened today at the doctor. I know it will still be in my system, I know i will get a positive, and I know that I'm going to have to wreap what I have sowed...

I can't just blame my disorder on this - i know there is more to it and it thinking i could 'use' these things to cope and/or get relief was completely stupid on my part.

Now to both "D'S" (Dot & Des): The difference here, at least in my opinion, is that by my own ability to admit or acknowledge that I tend to turn to a joint - in hopes of ridding my mind of all these issues - and only end up taking 20 steps back... It is like a double-edge sword bcuz by doing this whenever I end up in a manic episode, I 'screw' myself. I am not following my treatment plan, I don't know why I end up weak enough to do it, but I still know it is my fault, my problem, and that by hiding it will get me nowhere.

I do pray and hpe that you can see this from a different perspective - one that shows the difference between your mom/brother and myself. If they are unable to even get to the point of saying "OK, I think I may have an issue", then you are literally going to drive yourself crazy... I have dealt with this in my entire family for my entire 28 years of existance; anything from piddly pot to the 'hard stuff'... MANY have died due to OD"s, many have or are in jail... Again, this is the choice THEY have made - and one you cannot change until/unless they are ready..

I hope i made a bit of sense to both/either of ya... If I didn't, just ask and I"ll try to clarify... I have so much on my mind and I'm racing away like it is going out of style again... So I again apologize for the jumping around in my post... HUGS to both of you
~Niko

[mlyn]

I may be mistaken but thaught I read that you admired your mom. Maybe I am wrong.
Why would you hope for her recovery? there is a pay off for those who stay/live with addict too. Might want to look at that instead of worrying about her recovery.

[desirae]

Mlyn,

No I don't admire my mom, I mean I do admire my mom, but right now my mom is just a shell of who she used to be....a completely different person.

She's on the streets right now, prostitutuing because I know she has no money. I don't know if there is hope for her......I've been fooled again, but for some reason it did not hurt this time, mainly because it was expected.

[mlyn]

Everyone changes. Hope and fooled agin who's judgement is that? There is always hope even if it does not follow what we want.
Hope you will remind me of this one day too.

[mlyn]

Everyone changes. Hope and fooled agin who's judgement is that? There is always hope even if it does not follow what we want.
Hope you will remind me of this one day too.

[desirae]

Uummm, I'm not getting what your saying....sorry confused.

[desirae]

Uummm, I'm not getting what your saying....sorry confused.

[mlyn]

Is ok, half time I don't understand myself.

I am truely srry your mom is not the way you need her to be!!!!

[desirae]

It's okay, misunderstanding are understandable. You probably confused me with some one else.