anyone would be really nuts to go this far....this open...to introduce the word "drunk".....and get all personal about it

but this is about adictions and the like yeah?...like an AA meeting.

weird how less is said here?

somethin' upset me ages ago...kept upsetting me...didn't even know I was upset..?!....not exactly, not really...but suspected it

...not until alcohol hit my lips was I certain...then I just knew I must have been upset about something?...and what?....not now I'm fine and that aint' easily forgotten...I'm pissed and I'm just a teenager!...but everything changed ...I was calm...chilled out...angelic!

so I never grew up without that nasty but glorious understanding that I had an escape...from anything, and even from alcohol abuse and therefore from everything. if I was upset about this and that and continued to be...and got pissed about it...?

...for long enough then I become upset all new kinda' about the drinking and thats an emotionally cryptic world that one!

so what to do?...hey?

just drink my way through that...bypass the reasoning of a "real" person.

not that I'm fake! I'm real enough ...I just live in some blurry unreal world.....a world that upsets me no matter what I do.

so even drinking does not work anymore....and I still do it

just a drunk....drinking to cope with drinking...or do I just seriously mis-understand myself?....

it's really testing me out this one...biggest battle of my life

[canacrip]

Alcohol addiction is a f**king *****. Unfortunately, it is a depressant, so it doesn't help. Ever. A friend of mine committed suicide recently. People said it was alcoholism. True, she was an alcoholic, but she was self-medicating. Her real problem; the one that killed her, was her mental health issues. She drank to drown out the pain and chaos in her head. Stop. Whatever it takes, just stop. 90 meetings in 90 days, inpatient treatment if you have the $$, anything. I wish you well. BTW, had 23 yrs. sober until I decided to drink. That's when I thought it would be a good day to die. I guess I was wrong.

yeah I've been wrong to...everyday

and the only thing I've been right about is knowing that

thanks though...

[madisgram]

i reached the point in my drinking where i wanted to die to stop drinking but in order to live i was compelled to drink. it was a crossroad for me. at the end i chose life tho the road was filled with potholes. i'll never regret that i chose the road less traveled. it's a choice. my bottom was so intense within myself. i fought for life. i've won as long as a i choose sobriety and face life head on. "there is a solution".

[ArthurDent]

You're more than "just a drunk". You're James, who is also a drunk...but MORE than a drunk.

I like you. I look forward to your posts. I think you're incredibly intelligent.

If I lived near you I'd consider myself lucky if we were friends.

Off-topic maybe...but just saying.

Cheers mate. Stay strong. I'm sending good vibes your way.

[Leed]

You know, it's a well known FACT that most alcoholics are intelligent KIND, loving people who just can't handle life on life's terms. They're great in a crisis, but they can't handle every day life. That was me.

Call me in a crisis please, but don't expect me to be "all there' in every day life because I'm a freaking wreck!!! I don't do life. I can't. Not without help.

All it took for me to stop drinking was my husband to tell me I was a rottten mother!!! (like he was the father of the year???) But that did it. He was right! And that hurt me to the core.

So I called AA. Thank God. But there were lots more issues than that!

[CandleGlow]

No one is 'just a drunk' - you are not just a drunk - you are so much more than that! Hope you find a way, to end your struggle....