Struggling

Right now I am struggling to not let stress get the better of me. I spent two years of my life battling cocaine and ketamine addiction and now I am almost back at square one, except with pharmaceuticals.

I am abusing my Seroquel, buying Ritalin and Dexedrine off of people, and I am addicted to Codeine and Morphine. I have to take something to sleep, something to wake up, something to stay awake, something to stop my headaches (which are caused from all the use) and this is on top of my normal medications.

I keep telling myself that I will stop when I finish school in a month, or that I just have to get through the summer, the time when I usually get the most depressed (I spent a month in bed, cutting, almost comatose last year), then I say until I get through my birthday which is always a time when I get severely depressed or psychotic. Then I try and tell myself it could be a new year's resolution. I know I am just making excuses but each one feels like it could be the truth.

I just know I need to stop, and I plan to at the end of June, I am working two jobs, and going to school full time. I am so stressed out, and of course I turned to drugs. I started using again about a month and a bit ago, and it has already escalated to this.

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girlbassplayer said:

I just know I need to stop, and I plan to at the end of June, I am working two jobs, and going to school full time. I am so stressed out, and of course I turned to drugs. I started using again about a month and a bit ago, and it has already escalated to this.

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Sorry to say but you are going to get worse before you get better. My hope is that you will stop using before ti gets worse but we both know thats not going to happen, as we use we get worse and from my own experience all my fore planning about stopping never worked. I had to almost die before it sunk in my stubbern head. If you need to talk I would be happy to.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) - Oh my dear YOU are so young to have all these addictions.... Would YOU like to talk about the issues that are creating such a dark longing with in your soul? - the longing that is destroying you from the inside out.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I passed out in a bathroom today...I think I had a minor overdose on codeine. I couldn't stop vomitting.

Ironically enough, I have positions on several mental health and drug-related boards and do public speaking surrounding my history with both. Sort of like a motivational/information type of speech and I help organize events and programs to help youth.

I feel like I am just destroying myself. I go through my ups and downs and one thing always stays true-I destroy myself. SI, drugs, drinking, bulimia, and I find it's something I can't control. I am a control freak and to admit I can't control this is huge.

I am also in a way seeking relief from my hallucinations and paranoia. I am currently without a psychiatrist, and the one who just dropped me as a patient refused to treat them or take them seriously.

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I feel like I am just destroying myself. I go through my ups and downs and one thing always stays true-I destroy myself.

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If I may ask? - Who from your PAST destroyed you first.... took away the innocence of life, love and trust.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

It's time for you and you only if your unable to help yourself you are not going to be able to help others. If you continue this way......been on the pills, been there, done that.......you will not survive as long as you think. It is much to easy to overdose because you get all high and forget what you have taken.

There is not much time to wait. I'd do this now....for life sake. Whatever it takes.

I understand what you are going through I am an addict myself. I'm sober now and have been for awhile but I know what sacrifices, strength, and such horrible pain it takes to get clean.

Good luck girl...please stay safe.

Drug addiction can take time to over come.. I suggest u find urself a partner..not only a guy but a girl thats a friend who isnt addicted or doesnt do drugs... and spent lots of time with them so they can help you out.. and make sure ur dont over doing it!!!..

^^ easier said then done. I have a hard time maintaining any kind of relationship.

hopefully I can get back in to see my drug and alcohol addictions counsellor.

The helping others and public speaking helps me to avoid things like this, but I have been stressed out with work and school that I have gone down that road again.

I'll be blunt when I say that everybody deals with stress and crap in their lives. If everybody was to use and abuse I'm sure they would have every excuse in the book.

Either you take on the stress and deal with it while sober or you continue to have stress and lose everything you care about as well. That's the way it is.

One day at a time is all we have to quit for.
If you quit for this day when you could not before I say Yay!!!!!!!! If you Quit today and make it tomorrow I say Yay hay !!!!!!!!!
I quit today and if I make it to tomorrow whoo hooo!!!!!! One day at a time. Today!!!! Always remember that no matter what God Loves You!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooops m ight get booted for that but oh well! is the truth!!!!!

That is soooo true, if you can't take one day at a time then you become to overwhelmed.

Maybe it's time to put everything on hold and check into treatment. You're not willing to do anything about this now. Just talking about it just to talk about it. Gonna stop in June when the stress is over? What's waiting around the corner? There will always be something to stress over, some kind of change. There will always be something that our brains will rationalize as an excuse to use. THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO USE. Absolutely none. I just made it through a pretty severe diagnosis which caused me MUCH stress, pain, heartache, doubt, misery, hopelessness....I didn't use. Maybe I sound like I'm preaching from a high horse, saying I can make it through anything without using, but one day at a time it's true, and it can be true for you too. Do it now. Why wait? Do you wait to use? What if you said you won't use till June? Can you do that? Passing out from too much cocaine....you're going to die if you don't stop now.