[beauflow]

Today I'm thankful I have no easy reach for escape. Today is a day I feel like getting ****ed up, nothing is worth this constant headache

[avlady]

I hope you all can feel better today and your headaches go away, just thinking about one gets me sick-

[JadeAmethyst]

somewhat edgy today, major family changes at the moment.....

Every Sunday at the same time my husband acts very nervous an hour before get's real fidgety and a look on his face before turning bright red. He leaves and comes back an hour and forty min later. I am always suspicious of what he is doing, makes me think he's meeting up with a certain person(she lives right where he goes,( I have gone there in the past). He knows that I feel this way and continues to do this. I realize he needs space and I give him a lot of space, I have had this problem in the past yet to find out my feelings were right, I have learned to trust my intuitive feelings.

[gma45]

I am just checking in. I am ok, not really but don't feel like talking about at the moment. I am feeling real alone again. Guess it is time to get my butt to a meeting.

[roads]

Originally Posted by gma45

I am just checking in. I am ok, not really but don't feel like talking about at the moment. I am feeling real alone again. Guess it is time to get my butt to a meeting.

((((((( gma ))))!!!
Get your butt to a meeting, dear friend.

Roadie

[gismo]

Drinking sucks, meetings sucks, down to 1 bottle of wine AGAIN!

[spondiferous]

I actually felt a couple of days ago like I might drink, for the first time in 7 years. I was supposed to be meeting someone out at a cafe and I had the fleeting image of transferring money from one bank account to another and going to some of the old pubs and bars I used to love when I was loaded. It seemed crazy to think of it. It wasn't even a craving. I'm just so sick of my life lately. So sick of things being so hard all the time.
I made the decision that I was going to leave the bank card at home if I left, but I ended up staying home anyway due to the amount of anxiety I felt and my friend came to my house instead. So I got through it and did what I needed to do. Now for this 'life' deal...

[roads]

Sounds like my typical alkie thinking, I get kinda rebellious--want to shake things up. Fortunately our sober selves do things like leave bank cards home. Even better, use our support networks.
Good for you, spondiferous!
As for the "life deal" ... bit of a conundrum, eh?
Roadie

[spondiferous]

You ain't kiddin'.

[Edge11]

...i'm still alive...

[roads]

Edge11

...i'm still alive...

Me too, yea! A struggle, but survived another day--yea!
Roadie

[priggles]

Hello, just wanted to introduce myself!

Very inspiring to read the posts in this thread. Wishing each of you much success on this journey.

I am a former alcoholic. I have been sober now for 5 years. I never thought the day would come when I could say that.

My story: started drinking at 13 and was full blown alcoholic by 17-18 years old. Never could drink socially. In and out of detoxes and rehabs for the next 15 years. It wasn't pretty.

For me, I finally just realized that I could never drink again safely. I tried, of course, for years to drink "normally," but the bottom kept getting deeper and deeper.

I woke up one morning in a house I didn't recognize, with people I didn't know, and I had no idea how I got there. It wasn't the first time, but these situations were happening frequently. I just knew I was going to die or do something terrible in a blackout that I could never take back.

I went to AA. I won't lie, the first year was the hardest thing I've ever done. I was holding on by a thread, but that thread didn't break, and the next year was easier, and these days when drinking crosses my mind, it's extinguished immediately by the sheer horror of having to go through all that pain again to be where I am at now.

My life is far from perfect, but being sober means I have the power to make decisions and change it. I may not be able to control everything, but I can seek help. And getting help while you are sober is so much easier than if you are still drinking. Sometimes sobriety takes care of a lot of issues. That was not the case for me, I still have panic/anxiety, but I don't have alcoholism on top of it, which makes it easier to manage.

The most beautiful, joyful, and meaningful moments of my life have been during these past five years. So hang in there, it will be worth it.

[spondiferous]

Welcome priggles. Glad you're here, glad you're sober.
I'm not struggling with sobriety though I have to admit that right now it seems almost funny that my sobriety is so important to me when everything else in my life is a spectacular shambles. I guess I just remember how it felt to be a drunk, and my life was still a shambles back then but I felt so messed up and sick all the time, and trapped, wanting to stop every single day and not being able to. I'm struggling right now. Bigtime. I'm glad I'm sober. But I hate my life.

[psychmajortwenty2]

Hey everyone, I have no idea if this is the right place to put this because it seems to be mostly about alcohol.

I am not addicted, I don't think. Maybe it's denial. I don't know.

Anyways. I used to smoke weed a lot. My friends and whole social circle seemed to participate in it. I used to live in a major city in Canada.. and we had a dealer who delivered. It was amazing. But now I've moved back to my hometown.. which is really.. tiny. AND THERE IS NO WEED ANYWHERE HERE. And it's infuriating. I was already starting to cut back when I was in the city, but I liked that I could at least access it.

and now it's nowhere to be found! And this is making me want it EVEN MORE. It's like a game.

I likely know the anticipation of the drug is probably more pleasurable than the experience itself.. but I haven't had it in so long that I just think it will be amazing once I have some.

I'm dying. Okay.. I'm not. I just really, really want some. I have the house to myself and it would just be so nice to take full advantage of it! Smoke like I wanted without having anyone to ask what I'm doing or catch me doing it or think I'm acting strange or whatever.

I'm even kind of embarrassing myself asking people for some. maybe the embarassment is in my head.. because no one has said "wtf"? It's just.. ugh. *sigh*

[roads]

Welcome to PsychCentral, psychmajortwenty2! You're in the right forum--this is for addictions of all types. It's just that we alchies tend to talk more, I think.

Sorry, can't advise you about getting weed. I understand the psychological torture, though, that you're going through ... even though you were cutting down, even if you wanted to quit, it's not the same as having no choice. I remember running out of scotch and going out to buy more, only to discover it was after 2 am. I lived in a place for awhile that banned alcohol & tobacco sales from 2 am till 6 am daily.

Are there any support groups where you live? Maybe the "misery loves company" approach can help a little ...

Roadie

[waggiedog]

Hi there, not sure if I'm allowed to ask this, but has anybody got an addiction to over the counter derivitives of codeine? Would like to share problems/issues. Thanks. HUGS. XXX

[avlady]

Hey there waggiedog, I didn't know there were over the counter codine pills or types of them, but i have been on hydrocodone acetomenaphen for over a year now. I definately am addicted to them,like tonight i can't sleep because i took them late as i forgot. I was feeling chills and wondering why i had them and i remembered i didn't take them and they were still in my pill bottle. i think they are called Loritabs in street talk. They can be like codiene, i have heard of that before. What will they do when they find out coffee is stronger than codiene? My neuropshyciatrist told me coffee and cocaine have the same chemical equation makeup. She did a study on that.Just don't take my pot of coffee away too. The last hospital stay there were no cigarette breaks and everyone got put on the patch!!

[roads]

Those of us on this forum are more likely to get addicted to about anything, it seems . I got hooked on Blistex once, needed 1/8" of the stuff or my lips would crack & bleed! What a mess.
I'm taking Tramadol for broken arm pain, after a few days it's hardly working. Trying to get switched to a topical--less chance for addiction, I think.
Hang on, everyone. It's a bumpy ride--but never let go.
Roadie

[avlady]

We wont let go!!!

[psychmajortwenty2]

Today, it's stormy here. The sky is grey, but my mood is bright. I'm having a particularly bad ADHD day. My boss couldn't go into work today, so she told me to work from home. ... This is why I like going into work. When I'm at home my brain decides to be like "weeeeeeee!" and I can't really seem to concentrate on any one thing for a couple of minutes. well.. I managed to clean for 15 mins. so that was something.

I don't have any cravings today. The house is occupied again so I wouldn't be able to enjoy my freedom with pot even if I managed to get some. I also feel good about throwing away my cigarettes. But the day is not over.. usually around 3 or 4 I start feeling *****y and might have a craving.. but hopefully not..

[spondiferous]

I'm doing okay. Still sober, clean, non-smoking, non-ED'ing. My emotions are all over the place. Been struggling with those all summer. I have some CBT and DBT material I'm going to work through and a CBT group I'm starting in about a week and a half that should help me with that. In the meantime I'll just hang in there I s'pose. Hope y'all are doing okay. I sure am glad this summer is over.

[shortandcute]

feelin' a bit burned out on 12 step meetings-starting to wonder if what I thought was my alcoholism isn't just a result my mental illness

[notz]

whether alcohol is or isn't, drinking still isn't an answer

[roads]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

feelin' a bit burned out on 12 step meetings-starting to wonder if what I thought was my alcoholism isn't just a result my mental illness

Oh, darkslategray, I'm a bipolar alcoholic. They are two distinct disorders I am certain, from much study and decades of experience ... they attract and enhance the power of each other much like binary stars.

Please be very careful. ;>_^_