[emgreen]

I'm still depressed, isolating & skipping meetings. I've only been going to one a week because I'm the only one who has a key to open the door. If not for that fact, I'd probably have stopped going to meetings altogether.

[regretful]

Keep holding on emgreen. I'm in the same depression mode thinking more and more about drinking, and not making any meetings at all since the first one that I tried...I wish you the best.

[roads]

Do you both have sponsors? I know you're new to AA, regretful, but you can ask someone who seems worthy to sponsor you. Sponsors are so helpful in building the basic habit of going to meetings--& it gives you at least one acquaintance.
It's so hard to quit drinking, but these folks know how truly hard it is. If you can find a group that fits you & a decent sponsor, the whole process is a bit easier.
"Give yourself every advantage possible and the fewest excuses," was the advice my first sponsor gave me, and it did help.
Keeping you both in my thoughts and heart...
Roads

[notz]

"Give yourself every advantage possible and the fewest excuses,"

Awesome advice!

[thickntired]

Hi emgreen and regretful. I completely understand about isolation and missing mtgs. If you have to miss a mtg can you meet another alcoholic for coffee or at least call them? Also, are you all reading the daily meditation or writing in a journal? They do have online AA mtgs, but I Wouldn't want that to become a substitute. I know ppl who come to mtgs, sit by the door and leave right after the prayer or during the announcements. When I isolate I get all caught up in my stinking thinking and the result can be "just one" drink or bong hit. And if I relapsed I don't even know if I could muster the courage to pick up a 24 hr chip. This fear and the support grp really help. By having a sponsor and home group I always felt like not only would I let myself down but all these people who have opened their hearts to me. Sobriety aside, isolation can also lead to depression, anxiety, and the longer I isolate the harder it is to leave my house. I have a little over a year sober, and I only go to 2 mtgs a week sometimes one. That's just what works for me even though some frown on my schedule. I never did the 90 in 90 either, but I'm not going to X amount of mtgs to appease the masses.

Love & Light

Tnt ♥

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[avlady]

good luck!!! i hope you can get the urge to stay sober, what i did was substitute alcholol with coffee and tea, it took years but i havn't had a drink in over 15 years. just think of how good you'll feel within yourself when you pass up the next drink, positive things will happen. you'll never have a hangover again, that was my main problem, i couldn't handle the hangovers.

[regretful]

I've been passing up that drink for over three months now, and it only seems to get worse. Now I'm on medications which make me feel worse than any hangover ever did. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm still not drinking. Cannot handle caffeine with the medication. Just a bit of a mess, but I'll make it through somehow...

[emgreen]

Hello, regretful. Congratulations on your three months of sobriety! That's a huge milestone. If you don't mind me asking, what meds do you think are making you feel worse? If you just started meds it takes some time to get used to them. I find it hard to believe that the side-effects of your meds are worse than a hangover. They say folks with alcohol problems have a "built in forgetter." Perhaps you're forgetting how much alcohol dulled your senses...or, if you're anything like me, the blackouts were the worst. Again, please feel free to PM me at any time if you're in trouble. I check this sight several times daily. Hang in there...You're doing great!

[regretful]

Meds are venlafaxine and ambien for sleep. It's the ambien that makes me feel hungover. Maybe I wasn't that much of a drinker. I didn't have blackouts, and hangovers, I think I was immune...maybe I'm in denial. Probably so...

[emgreen]

If the ambien is making you groggy in the morning, a possibility might be to cut the tabs in two with a pill cutter & take a half dose...with the full dose as needed. I'd talk to your prescribing doctor about the problems you're having.

[roads]

Cutting the dose, emgreen, is a good idea--talking to the prescribing doctor even better, maybe, because there are so many options besides Ambien. Anything that made me sick I'd avoid.
I never had hangovers but oh! those blackouts. regretful--90 days is quite remarkable, since you've done it cold turkey, no real support. Do you know that you weren't really self-medicating your depression when you drank? Alcohol isn't an antidepressant--it's a depressant.
I was amazed to discover that doctors are not all knowledgable about alcohol or alcoholism ... MDs or psychiatrists. It's my opinion that alcohols who've just quit drinking often suffer a particular type of depression and doctors who understand depression and alcoholism are better equipped to treat you. It takes a while for our body chemistry to revert to normal after all that drinking (some say a couple years), some meds will act differently.
Since you're feeling so awful (I think you ought to,be feeling better by now) I'd be sure my doctor is quite experienced with treating depression in recovering alcoholics. Within medicine, it is a specialty (or ought to be).
Hey, emgreen. I'm thinking about you.

[bazzinga1990]

Well this morning at 3 a.m. I told my parents I needed to go to the hospital. Reason being is I couldn't stop shaking and I was nauseous and I was extremely anxious yet had so much energy was shaking throughout my whole body felt like I could not cry get ahead so many emotions behind my feelings things if they would have just came because I was so so panicky and so depressed I cut myself on my leg nothing to you put a lot of gaseous I miss you angel and I feel very embarrassed I also feel like a huge failure to my parents and to life itself. I'm only writing you guys cause I feel like I'm shutting down you guys have been so good to me the past few weeks and I'm so happy for that but I can feel my mind slipping away and my body is slowly doing the same thing I've never had this happen to me before so yes I'm scared I know my family will take care of me and give me back on my feet again I just wanted to say goodbye because I'm not sure I can handle talking to anybody for a while goodbye just not mean forever and it most certainly does not mean suicide that's not what I'm talking about here. I just need time and space so I can figure this stuff out but when I come back on here I want to thank you guys for the love and support you show me but I won't be here for maybe a couple months for the reason I'm trying to get better I love you guys are you all of my friend hope you all go to get a member to fight your own fight.

~warm hug from me to you~

[madisgram]

I'm grateful for the miracle of sobriety. Beautiful day here and I can be aware of it today.PS roadie so glad u continued this thread. Your friendship means a lot to me.

[arachnophobia.kid]

Can't say I'm doing great today but I am sober and I know I'm going to stay that way.

And there is something kind of nice, even though I'm not happy, I still feel joy in that I know I'm doing the right thing by kicking this addiction.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by arachnophobia.kid

I still feel joy in that I know I'm doing the right thing by kicking this addiction.

That's great, arachnophobia! I'm glad to hear that you're looking at the big picture. I hope your mood picks up soon.

[emgreen]

I've finally decided to get out of my own head & return to meetings. When depressed, I isolate; I'd only been going to one meeting a week for the past month. I went to my regular noon meeting today & explained my absence. Step One reads, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- That our lives had become unmanageable." For me, the "We" is possibly the most important part of Step One, because if I don't hit regular meetings, share & listen, the other two parts of Step One are in jeopardy. I can't afford to forget I'm powerless to drink normally & that my life becomes unmanageable the minute I pick up that first drink. They say Step One is the only step you have to work 100% each day...& the "We" of the program is a big part of that.

[regretful]

Well, after this weekend it's 100 days without a drink...not sure if I want to keep this up as med side effects are worse than any hangover that I've ever had. Glad for those that have found solace and hope in AA. I went to one meeting, and it just wasn't for me.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by regretful

Well, after this weekend it's 100 days without a drink...not sure if I want to keep this up as med side effects are worse than any hangover that I've ever had.

It seems like you're comparing apples & oranges. How will starting back drinking help you? Why did you decide to stop? Please answer these questions before you take that first drink. You can PM me if you like.

[snarkydaddy]

a bit shaky this morning.
multiple reason...trying to stop feeling this way as it only leads to trouble

[leomama]

Originally Posted by snarkydaddy

a bit shaky this morning.
multiple reason...trying to stop feeling this way as it only leads to trouble

Would rowing help?

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[leomama]

Waiting for my grandma's caregiver to pick up the phone, thinking about yellow ochre, thinking about a matcha

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[snarkydaddy]

Originally Posted by leomama

Would rowing help?

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No rowing is only good for burning off various types of energy. This issue is borderline turf

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[987catjump]

Originally Posted by regretful

Well, after this weekend it's 100 days without a drink...not sure if I want to keep this up as med side effects are worse than any hangover that I've ever had. Glad for those that have found solace and hope in AA. I went to one meeting, and it just wasn't for me.

Hang in there. 100 days is quite an accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself and what you have been able to do.

[roads]

Originally Posted by regretful

Well, after this weekend it's 100 days without a drink...not sure if I want to keep this up as med side effects are worse than any hangover that I've ever had. Glad for those that have found solace and hope in AA. I went to one meeting, and it just wasn't for me.

I was dragged to my first AA mtg in 1979. I didn't go to another one for six months, but by then some of the first mtg had soaked past my liver & into my brain. I was in my early 30s & I was a roadie on the show circuit in Nevada where 99% of everyone was alcoholic or on the was--but my best friend, a producer, could see I was having blackouts and needed help.

He took me to dozens of different groups over a 3 or 4 month period until I found one that fit me. I got a sponsor--made all the difference. I didn't complete the steps for three years.

But no, AA doesn't work for everyone ... but there is a path to sobriety that will work for you. Please search and research until you find it. The 13th of this month I'll celebrate my 21th anniversary of sobriety. I had a bad session with my pdoc today, leaving me feeling abused and abandoned--and though I visited the alcohol aisle several times, it didn't take much to walk away.

100 days! Your body chemistry is adjusting to functioning sober. You've done some of the hardest work already. PM me anytime if I can give any support.
Roads

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by roads

But no, AA doesn't work for everyone ... but there is a path to sobriety that will work for you. Please search and research until you find it. The 13th of this month I'll celebrate my 21th anniversary of sobriety. I had a bad session with my pdoc today, leaving me feeling abused and abandoned--and though I visited the alcohol aisle several times, it didn't take much to walk away.

While I think it's true that AA doesn't work for everyone, I think we both believe that sobriety was made much easier for us since we didn't have to do it alone.

As for the alcohol aisle in grocery stores & such, it amazes me that I no longer even consider picking up a bottle, or a twelve pack. There will be tough days (like the bad session with your pdoc), but I think we both know that there's no bad situation that can be made better by taking a drink.

21 years is an amazing accomplishment. Sorry, but I love calculating the number of "one day at a times" folks accomplish; for me that's more important than any other measure, because we all wake up with only one day to worry about...Today. You've done that successfully 7665 days in a row!!! Wow!!!