[leomama]

I hope my daughter learns to be more responsible one day

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[emgreen]

After a month's hiatus from AA meetings due to my depression induced "hibernation," I'm back. I know some people don't like to hear preaching about the benefits of AA (& I don't like to preach), but I feel so much better having returned. There are so many positive vibes around the table & it has helped me get out of my own head. No matter how many meetings one misses, they're always welcomed back...That's the fellowship of the program.

[regretful]

Glad you're finding solace in the meetings emgreen. Today marks 100 days of no alcohol for me...one meeting about a month ago that didn't go so well. So, I'm dry, but still on the fence about whether or not this is a problem for me.

[leomama]

I've got 8 years of no recreational alcohol use. I went to a good meeting today too. That said I'm dealing with some anxiety issues (PTSD) and thinking about what I can do to make it better.

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[roads]

Originally Posted by regretful

Glad you're finding solace in the meetings emgreen. Today marks 100 days of no alcohol for me...one meeting about a month ago that didn't go so well. So, I'm dry, but still on the fence about whether or not this is a problem for me.

Was drinking part of your family dynamics? If so, Adult Children of Alcoholics might be a better group for you. How do you feel after 100 days without alcohol? You say you're still on the fence about whether or not drinking is a problem for you ... but you ought to feel differently emotionally and physically after this long.

Did you drink alone, or was it part of your social life? This is a major decision. You've invested a lot of time, and that first hundred days is hard to put together. Have you talked with anyone who's been sober for two or three years? for a little perspective on long term sobriety?

I hope you work a little harder on exploring your needs and motives, and the supports systems available. We're here for you, but a real life support group can make such a difference.
Roads

[roads]

Originally Posted by leomama

I've got 8 years of no recreational alcohol use. I went to a good meeting today too. That said I'm dealing with some anxiety issues (PTSD) and thinking about what I can do to make it better.

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I'm not clear on the connection here, but it sounds as if you're considering using alcohol to treat the PTSD anxiety. Since alcohol is a depressant, all it will do is increase you anxiety. Are you seeing a doctor? Or a therapist for the PTSD?

If you're winging it, St Johns Wort, camomile and lavender tea, meditation and yoga are better choices. Alcohol, I'm afraid, will make everything worse ...
Roads

[regretful]

Been thinking about your questions, Roads...and still not drinking for over 100 days. Maybe ACOA is a better place for me. Only time will tell. Thanks.

[live2ski66]

Take care of yourself, I'm proud of your courage and intuition to know when to ask for help. Will be thinking of you.

Originally Posted by bazzinga1990

Well this morning at 3 a.m. I told my parents I needed to go to the hospital. Reason being is I couldn't stop shaking and I was nauseous and I was extremely anxious yet had so much energy was shaking throughout my whole body felt like I could not cry get ahead so many emotions behind my feelings things if they would have just came because I was so so panicky and so depressed I cut myself on my leg nothing to you put a lot of gaseous I miss you angel and I feel very embarrassed I also feel like a huge failure to my parents and to life itself. I'm only writing you guys cause I feel like I'm shutting down you guys have been so good to me the past few weeks and I'm so happy for that but I can feel my mind slipping away and my body is slowly doing the same thing I've never had this happen to me before so yes I'm scared I know my family will take care of me and give me back on my feet again I just wanted to say goodbye because I'm not sure I can handle talking to anybody for a while goodbye just not mean forever and it most certainly does not mean suicide that's not what I'm talking about here. I just need time and space so I can figure this stuff out but when I come back on here I want to thank you guys for the love and support you show me but I won't be here for maybe a couple months for the reason I'm trying to get better I love you guys are you all of my friend hope you all go to get a member to fight your own fight.

~warm hug from me to you~

[bazzinga1990]

Originally Posted by live2ski66

Take care of yourself, I'm proud of your courage and intuition to know when to ask for help. Will be thinking of you.

Thank you very much

~Ashley~

[roads]

Starting my 22nd year alcohol-free ... thanks to each of you and the hundreds of others who have helped, over the years--I'd be dead left to my own devices!

[emgreen]

I don't feel like drinking, but my depression has returned. I know I'm powerless over alcohol -- that my life had become unmanageable, but the "We" of the program is missing. I'm not going to meetings. I've been having some very dark thoughts...I'm tired of being bipolar & there's no cure.

[arachnophobia.kid]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I don't feel like drinking, but my depression has returned. I know I'm powerless over alcohol -- that my life had become unmanageable, but the "We" of the program is missing. I'm not going to meetings. I've been having some very dark thoughts...I'm tired of being bipolar & there's no cure.

Emgreen just the other day it seemed like you were getting back on track with the meetings and you were feeling really good about it. I'm sorry to hear that the relief you felt then has worn out. Hang in there.

[roads]

You know, Emgreen, that the "we" is anything which is strong enough for you to draw on it, without depleting it. It might be your AA group. It could be some of us! *<I smile confidently. >*
You say, "I'm tired of being bipolar & there's no cure." I hear that. There is management, though, and my pdoc is suddenly not doing his job helping me manage it. There are some many drugs out there and we've tried so few.
I think we bipolars are hard to find answers for (because of the nature of the disease, not because of the types of patients).
I hope you and me and arachnophobia.kid can each find a way to stay sober, find support, and have a few moments each day of real enjoyment of life.
Roads

[regretful]

Another weekend without drinking. Yesterday was a bit tough, being at a friend's home with a birthday party accompanied by wine and beer readily available...I was a bit tempted, but was able to resist. Still not sure how long I can keep this up, but I'm working on over 100 days without a drink...so, hang in there folks...

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by leomama

I've got 8 years of no recreational alcohol use. I went to a good meeting today too. That said I'm dealing with some anxiety issues (PTSD) and thinking about what I can do to make it better.

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Hi. I am an addict and just got out of the hospital for ptsd. My pdoc took me off all addictive meds. For high blood pressure AND a reduction in anxiety, flashbacks and nightmare I'm taking Prazosin. For chronic pain - Neurotin. I'm not exactly sure which lowers the ptsd but it's probably Prazoin.

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[thickntired]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I don't feel like drinking, but my depression has returned. I know I'm powerless over alcohol -- that my life had become unmanageable, but the "We" of the program is missing. I'm not going to meetings. I've been having some very dark thoughts...I'm tired of being bipolar & there's no cure.

I feel ya! I just got out of the psych ward for ptsd. I now have about 7 diagnosis of MI. I also haven't been to a mtg in 2 weeks. I stay on the fringes of AA but have a sponsor. I'm tight with a few ppl there. One thing I've gained is these few ppl hold me accountable. AA will mess up your high - the faces of those few flash through my head when I think about using. And I'm not alone! There were 2 others from AA in the psych ward - got to love dual diagnosis.

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[emgreen]

I'm sorry you wound up on the psych ward...But am glad you're back. I've been depressed lately & have been missing meetings, too. I've stayed in touch with my sponsor though. I know exactly what you mean about accountability...& also the dangers of dual diagnosis. You're doing well, tnt. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[psychmajortwenty2]

I got some weed from a friend about two weeks. My bf and I binged on it.. it wasn't bad.. we didn't have that much going on and he doesn't usually smoke. It was kinda nice because we had the house to ourselves.

I'm not going to quit yet. I still have some left.. and I have to deal with him having to go back to his parents for the week because he has to finish school which is good but also sucks because I'm going to miss him so much.

I figure.. I can smoke the rest of it and then I'll have to quit for good.. and only do it before I sleep because it makes me sleep anyways. I know this is bad to say on here.. but I just can't quit yet.... but I don't know. I'm torn! gah.

[psychmajortwenty2]

Update: It's 9:45. My mom still isn't in bed. I don't like smoking when my parents are home because they could come in on me any time and catch me. They're not completely against it.. they just don't like it when they can smell it. It's just not worth it to smoke it that badly. I realized that weed isn't that great when you feel like you need to have it.. it just becomes a prison. I'm sticking up for myself and breaking free! No weed for me tonight. I'll stay sober.

[roads]

I'll have to quit for good .... but I just can't quit yet....

quit for good, huh? You sound like me a long time ago, when I was first aware that I was an alcoholic. But I was only in my thirties, for heavens sake, was I going to never have another beer the rest of my life?

I wasn't ready, and I guess you aren't ready--you don't sound ready--to quit forever. Why not just buy more the next time you want to celebrate or relax?

I had to deal with it and accept my addiction before I got serious about quiting. Give it some serious thought. As long as you're torn you're not committed to anything. If you quit, make sure you're committed to personally valuable reasons for not using.

Building a history of failed attempts to quit makes it harder each time (IMO).

Take care of yourself.
Roads

[emgreen]

I agree with your viewpoint that you have to be ready to quit, Roads...But many of us have experienced the "yets." I haven't lost a job...Yet. I haven't lost a relationship...Yet. I haven't gone broke...Yet. Haven't wound up in a psych ward because I decided that ODing would be a good idea while drunk...Yet. I've had all these things come to pass as a result of my addiction. I get what you're saying & agree with you, though. I just wanted to get some of the cons out there. Dual diagnosis is a dangerous thing...But I'd hate for anyone to have to go through what I have before deciding the threshold of pain & loss was too much.

Again, I agree with you, Roads. I just wanted to put the "yets" out there.

[arachnophobia.kid]

I'm doing good, I'm coming up on two months sober and thanks to you guys I'm going strong. I don't want to speak too soon cause I know the temptation is always gonna be there, but at least right now I'd say it's getting easy to resist.

[emgreen]

Congrats, arachnophobia! Two months is a long time!

[thickntired]

Way to go, Arach. I know what you mean. I was afraid I'd jynx myself lol. It's very good though to not get too comfortable. I do my service work going to AA at a women's jail. It reminds me of where I'd end up or worse if I relapse. And you're correct re the temptation, but that went away for me after the obsession left and I got into a good AA group. Dual diagnosis is a pain in the ***. Just remember sobriety is not a competitive. We're all here to help each other.

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[regretful]

Excellent arachnophobia.kid - I'm about 100 + days into "sobriety"...it's troublesome, but I get a lot of support from here.