[bazzinga1990]

well, i did something i was trying hard not to give into which is alcohol. i'm drunk now to feel numb like i wanted but yet i did the very thing against my goal. i gave in to the feeling of need i had for it. i wanted to be numb to feelings, wanted to escape but i fail keeping this promise of staying away from alcohol. this makes me kinda disappointed in myself. but at the metime , deep down i don't want to give up the alcohol for the reason that it's my comfort and i've become reliant on it.

[IndieVisible]

Does your drinking interfere with your life in any way? Job? Marriage? Parenting? Do you go on binges or just drink once in awhile? When I was addicted to cocaine I was told I had to stop drinking too. I could not understand why since alcohol was not interfering with my life. My $500 a week coke habit was. I stopped going to the NA meetings because they made me feel weak and a miserable failure. They made all these demands on me. After 3 meetings I stopped. Guess what? I quit the coke cold turkey on my own. I was not going to let it control me. I did not replace it with alcohol, I was never a heavy drinker but do enjoy it and have no intentions or plans to ever give up my only vice. Besides it does not effect my life negatively at all. I'm sharing this because people and society makes judgments on us without knowing all the facts about us. With good intentions they some times make things harder then it has to be. Only you know what you need to do and only you can accomplish whatever it is you need. Good luck to u!

[Frankbtl]

Hi bazzinger, it can sometimes be a rocky road to doing without/overcoming addictions so don't beat yourself up over this slip. There's nothing to say you can't achieve your goal with a little more persistence.
BUT it does sound like there's been things gone on/going on for you that are making it even harder??. Are you getting any help with these/your feelings?
And would you like to talk a bit more about things here? Would really like to try to help if I can..............
Alison

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I understand about wanting to escape and feel numb from the pain. I'm sure I don't really know how you feel though. We all want and need comfort don't we? It is a terrible thing to need alcohol or any drug. But it's not really the booze that you want. Physically you become addicted, but the mental part I think is something that can be worked on. Personally, I feel that that drugs and alcohol are just a "filler" they complete the missing piece of the puzzle that is you. It is really something else that you are looking for. Not the alcohol.

But where is that missing piece or pieces of the puzzle? Where do you find what you need? It is different for us all. That is why drug and alcohol rehab is so difficult. The answers are buried deep within each individual. Even after you think you've found the answer, there may be other issues that need exploring. Like the domino effect. One link gets pushed to its limit and falls down but it affects the next link and so on. It's not always one factor to consider. It takes time and people to support you. I hope you have someone supporting you. Do you have a counselor? A sponsor or buddy? It can be a great help to share your pain and struggles with someone who understands YOU and your specific situation. You had a slip but it is o.k. you can get back on track again. This is one of the most difficult struggles for anyone to overcome. You will have another chance to get there just keep trying.

[bazzinga1990]

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

Does your drinking interfere with your life in any way? Job? Marriage? Parenting? Do you go on binges or just drink once in awhile? When I was addicted to cocaine I was told I had to stop drinking too. I could not understand why since alcohol was not interfering with my life. My $500 a week coke habit was. I stopped going to the NA meetings because they made me feel weak and a miserable failure. They made all these demands on me. After 3 meetings I stopped. Guess what? I quit the coke cold turkey on my own. I was not going to let it control me. I did not replace it with alcohol, I was never a heavy drinker but do enjoy it and have no intentions or plans to ever give up my only vice. Besides it does not effect my life negatively at all. I'm sharing this because people and society makes judgments on us without knowing all the facts about us. With good intentions they some times make things harder then it has to be. Only you know what you need to do and only you can accomplish whatever it is you need. Good luck to u!

well ya it can because it does affect me working sometimes i cant work the next morning or so anything for that matter because i feel so sick. im 5.1 and 140 pounds and i drank 3 half pint bottles of liquor within 1 hour. this is not the only time ive dont this and ive binged several time like i would have a whole 12 pack in like one day by myself in my room alone. i know its a problem

[bazzinga1990]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi bazzinger, it can sometimes be a rocky road to doing without/overcoming addictions so don't beat yourself up over this slip. There's nothing to say you can't achieve your goal with a little more persistence.
BUT it does sound like there's been things gone on/going on for you that are making it even harder??. Are you getting any help with these/your feelings?
And would you like to talk a bit more about things here? Would really like to try to help if I can..............
Alison

thanks! ya i'm seeing a therapist about once a month but i also find it very hard for me to express myself and i often hold things and and then when something comes up bad or just change i can't handle it and i panic and lose control and i try and reach for anything that can relieve me. and yeah i would like to talk to you more if you want. thank you some much for caring and stuff

[bazzinga1990]

Originally Posted by Winterski

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I understand about wanting to escape and feel numb from the pain. I'm sure I don't really know how you feel though. We all want and need comfort don't we? It is a terrible thing to need alcohol or any drug. But it's not really the booze that you want. Physically you become addicted, but the mental part I think is something that can be worked on. Personally, I feel that that drugs and alcohol are just a "filler" they complete the missing piece of the puzzle that is you. It is really something else that you are looking for. Not the alcohol.

But where is that missing piece or pieces of the puzzle? Where do you find what you need? It is different for us all. That is why drug and alcohol rehab is so difficult. The answers are buried deep within each individual. Even after you think you've found the answer, there may be other issues that need exploring. Like the domino effect. One link gets pushed to its limit and falls down but it affects the next link and so on. It's not always one factor to consider. It takes time and people to support you. I hope you have someone supporting you. Do you have a counselor? A sponsor or buddy? It can be a great help to share your pain and struggles with someone who understands YOU and your specific situation. You had a slip but it is o.k. you can get back on track again. This is one of the most difficult struggles for anyone to overcome. You will have another chance to get there just keep trying.

most of the time i don't know why i think, do, say the things i do. but what you said is true and i never really thought about it like that but its true. thank you!

[bumble2u]

I gave in this morning after two days of deviation. I went to get some last night ,walked in the supermarket turned right around. But today----- Had to get some women's stuff, checked out with some bacardi lemonade whatever. Tasted like **** by the way, but imminent stomach warming. Never meant to drink all four but hey, yep, drunk the entire load. Been sober since new year now chocking on guilt. Guess it's an awaking as to how miserable I actually feel and how much I have been ignoring that. I have spent so much time not feeling i don't know how to get through this. Thought I had it down. Nobody knows how sad I am.