Some people who are/have been addicted to heavy drugs who could help me?

My girlfriend is 18 years old and a heroinist. There. I said it. She's also the most intelligent, sweet, adorable, funny, caring and empathetic person I have ever met. I love her more than words can tell...
She says she doesn't prostitute because she knows I'd hate it for her to get hurt... instead she's got these depts to dealers and addicts who beat her up if she wont return it. It wasn't too long ago she coughed blood and got her rib broken.
I used to provide for her... I'm only a 17 year old, mentally unstable girl myself but I did my best. I lied, I stole, I sold my things in order to get money. My mother noticed how her money was missing and when I broke down and told her why she contacted my girlfriend, in a respectful way but now she refuses to accept any more of my money.
She says she doesn't want to hurt me more than she already has, and insists on paying me back... I don't want her money. I want for her to be safe. That's all.
I'm so scared, and lonely. Nobody seems to get me. I HAVE to protect her. She wont do it herself.
Any advice on how to help her without making it worse? How would those of you who are addicts prefer for your close ones to act like? I listen to her, tell her how strong she is and how proud I am when she's making progress and when she hates herself for relapsing I just remind her of how hard she tried, and how much better she's doing compared to when she first tried to quit.
I try to hide the fact that it breaks my heart when she nods, or goes into the bathroom to snort (she's stopped injecting, I'm so proud), but I know she knows me well enough to see it anyway. I can see the shame in her eyes... she's never had anyone who cares apart from me and I know she loves me a LOT. Please don't start the whole 'she's manipulating you' ********... she isn't. She isn't what people think 'all drugaddicts' are like at all....

I do not know what typical drug treatments Sweden offers-

but from the sound of it- your gf is in pretty deep- and not ready to go cold turkey. so perhaps drug maintenance might be a better option for her. In the USA, two major methods of drug maintenance- is Methadone (which i do not see the point of- studies show high relapse, as well as high abuse of methadone), and secondly- a drug called Suboxone. Its generic name is bupenorphine. Over here, there are clinics that administer methadone. There are also doctors that prescribe suboxone. From what i read- i think that suboxone will prevent her from using any opiates on top of it. But methadone- i do not think can block opiates. I do not have enough knowledge to advise you more than that. But... seems that you might get better advice by also joining a drug recovery forum.

You need to join a group that focuses on the enablers/partner/those affected by an addict. I think its called Al-Anon. (not the same as AA)

you're in young love. Not trying to be rude. But one day you will look back on this and say- why was i ever with her. She is an addict, she needs help and all you are doing is prolonging yet ensuring as well- her early death. The only way to help an addict is to hasten their rock bottom- in hopes that they will turn themselves around.

I might be a tad stereotypical with these assumptions- but medical data does not lie. Heroin is the most addictive substance known to man. now- on top of this- question- does your gf take this drug thru needle? If so- then the chances of her ever becoming a long term sober person- has compounded infinitely for the WORSE.

I say in this case- if you love her- leave her.

She says the only reason she's staying alive and trying to recover is because I'm in her life. And to be quite honest, I'd probably kill myself if I lost her too. Leaving her is just not an option and it never has been.

The honest truth about your friend is this..only SHE can decide to stop using. If she hasn't reached a point where she wants to stop using nothing anyone can do can create the change. you cannot protect her from the user lifestyle and it's consequences. She at present is willing to take those risks. The primary concern in a users life is their drug. You can suggest she go to NA or AA but the decision lies with her. We only stop if we live long enough or have a moment of sanity and realize we need help.

Imo, AA na is the LAST place a young person should go. Have u looked into smart recovery or life ring or just Google alternatives to AA/NA. I think suboxene, I think I spelled that wrong, but I think it's a good thing to look into. Also naltrexone is another med u could have her try.

But I would stay far, far away from 12 step programs, I was very abused by many ppl I met in them. And they are completely dis-empowering, patriarchal and shaming. Good luck.

True and untrue- due to the high rate of relapse- people in NA have a smaller percentage of long term sober people that can positively influence OP's partner. Therefore AA is a better option- even though her DOC is heroin. It's still relatable. And completely acceptable.

And it would help (if you do decide to have her go to meetings)- to go to AA meetings in "nicer" neighborhoods. No offense intended- people who have/access to a higher income- in no way means they have a higher chance of recovery- but that money does mean they can get access to more treatment plans and facilities.

Your partner will be around people who have had longer sober time (10-20 years of sobriety) & who are LESS (not entirely. Just marginally less) likely to meet somewhere only to trade drug dealer's contacts with each other afterwards.

Your partner is more likely to find a sponsor there too.

I only went to AA and only nice meetings. I've never met more rapists, pedophiles and other sick puppies in my life....ANYWHERE ELSE!!! I was forced to go after a dui, I never went to na. Never had a drug problem. My sponsors were 2 psychiatric nurses, one md, and other educated women. They were sick, sick ppl. I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET what all happened to me. I will continue to spread the word about how unsafe AA is. Na, at least admits there's predators and warns the new ppl. In AA, at least in my experience they COVER UP FOR THE PREDATORS. It's being exposed though....Just Google AA and predators...

I disagree. That's your experience which is extreme and I'm sorry that happened to you. There's bad people everywhere. But you're generalizing.

Just curious sunshine why u were at an AA meeting? Most peeps misunderstand the disease of addiction and would never consider going to a meeting. I do know judges order peeps to attend due to breaking a law if the behavior indicated the person is out of control due to addiction. I checked your profile and there's no mention of a drug or alcohol prob or other addiction. Just saying...

I was just a kid and had gotten a dui. AA should NOT be forced. I was and it was a horrid experience.

Pedophiles and other sick people are sentenced to AA everyday as part of plea bargains. There IS a much higher concentration of pedophiles and other criminals in AA. Look into it, look at the AA website and how they cooperate with the courts. A film is coming out soon exposing all of this, called the 13th step.

Pedophiles and other criminals are not sentenced to the library or the grocery store or the dmv for instance.

I will not be responding anymore. Love and tolerance is your code, lol yeah right from my experience that only occurs in AA with the predators. That's what my sponsors would say about me being CONSTANLY sexually harassed in AA. And what was my part in it....So sick!!! But when it comes to people that have had a bad experience in AA or think AA and its philosophy doesn't work especially for abuse survivors that love and tolerance goes out the window!

Here in Sweden however, NA isn't used as a punishment for criminals... as we're not a religious country, and NA's 12 step program mentions a god a lot, no one gets forced to go there.

try N/A and A/A both are good programs and the structure helps..suboxone is good too, much better than methodone (which IMO is no better than what she is using now).

she will quit when she is ready, just stay by her side and support her as much as you can.one of my ex's finally quit after years and years of cocaine use and other drugs & got married! i'm happy for her & proud of her too, another one she had been clean for 14yrs before we met..her DOC was meth..she hasn't touched it in 14 yrs..we didn't work out but her drug use never saw the light of day with me.

there is hope and it can be done, is it easy..no. but the person has to want it.
fortunately she is still young, which means more than likely this is a phase and she will grow out of it.i was in a using phase for about 6 yrs or so, i grew out of it, i still drink alcohol on occasion and smoke cigarettes, but none of the hard drugs i used to do.

i'm not an AA fanboy, it wasn't for me..but the people that make all these outrageous claims, pay it no mind..i have 3 DUI's and i have never been in ANY meeting where people were treated with anything but respect & got all 3 of my DUI's in the DUI capital of the world MICHIGAN..AKA home of the liquor store on ever corner LOL!

so you need to trust your own experience and see for yourself, everything else is speculation and personal opinion, unless you have concrete proof of ANYTHING it's not true until PROVEN otherwise.people come on the internet and say all types of things behind a computer, that's one of the reasons i don't even come on here that much anymore..don't have time for the BS. so have your girl try these programs out for herself, see if it works for you guys..if it doesn't ditch it. me, i couldn't deal with all the religious overtones..i don't need anyone force feeding me religion..but if it works for others..i'm all for it( for them of course)

try that suboxone, it works really good for some people..just may be the miracle drug you guys need.

hope this helps and good luck!

I do not agree with anyone being forced to go to meetings by courts or any other means. I have been a member of AA for twenty years and have not seen what you describe. Yes people get in fix me relationships in early sobriety but it is discouraged. The rule of thumb is one year of sobriety before a relationship. In my experience the women really watch out for each other in regards to this. There is usually a lot of awareness as to what is going on in a home group. Sexual predators also become teachers, camp counselors, priests and so on. If they are being ordered to AA it is wrong but I have not heard of it. The purpose is to be sober of drugs and alcohol.

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Hi Zinco,
It's actually quite a common "treatment plan" "prescribed" by judges in drug and dwi courts. They allow people to partake in these courts for more leniency in charge. One of the things in the treatment plan is that they must go to meetings x amount of times in a week and have a signature sheet that they must have someone sign.

I'm not sure how that works in terms of the court workers checking the sheet if people are anonymous. But one of my closest friends is a social case worker.

I've heard nothing but good things regarding these meetings. I think sunshine was calling the people she encountered as pedophiles and rapists bc she was 16 at the time- and something must of happened?

I agree that forcing someone to go to treatment is never a good idea. Bc they're not ready until they're ready.

I have signed plenty of court ordered slips as a secretary and have seen many people continue to go after the court order was over and have lasting sobriety. These are all alcohol and drug related charges though. I do believe in treatment before criminalizing people. I am not sure about ordering to AA as at its foundation it is a voluntary program. It is effective though. What I have not heard of is pedophiles and sexual predators being ordered to AA. Of course anyone could join on their own for nefarious reasons and I don't know what a group could do about that other than really watch out for each other and call the police.

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In my opinion any type of treatment is not going to work until she wants it too. I went to 30 day inpatient treatment rehabs more than 7 times and the longest I lasted after discharge was 2 weeks. I never went for myself. Also for me going right back to the same people, places, and things didn't help the situation either it just made it that much easier to use again. It wasn't until I decided to go to long term rehab over 800 miles away that it finally worked. In Nov I will have 9 years clean and heroin was my drug of choice. From day one I loved it and would do anything and everything to get it. I was even on probation for 2 years and had to give urine samples every two weeks and still continued to use the entire time. It just grabs a hold of you and is so hard to let go.
I have been to probably thousands of AA/NA and they are what you make of them. You can find the seedy, creepy element anywhere you go. You don't have to interact with anyone you don't want to. I admit I sought out the ones that were like me and court ordered there and we would go get high after the meetings but once I was serious about recovery and wanted it for myself and not doing it for anyone else I steered clear of those that were not serious about their recovery.
I wish you both luck and I sincerely hope she is tired of that way of life and reaches out for help. If you have any questions or want to talk feel free to message me.

I can't post links bc I'm on a kindle. But look up the 13th step the movie on YouTube. Also predators in AA on YouTube. Also by an AA member--an article on the fix. Just Google, the fix--do predators thrive in alcoholics anonymous.

Steppers--thank you so much for your deep compassion and for not invalidating my experience, lol. Typical stepper behavior. If u didn't experience it, then it doesn't happen. I dare you to get out of denial about your beloved organization and look up what I posted...

I'm not a stepper- but no one is invalidating your experience. People have a right to share their experiences. Good and bad.

Again- I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.

OP and gf are young. And resources might be limited. Theres nothing wrong with being taught how to avoid bad people & seek out the good- in good/ok/bad surroundings. OP how are you guys doing? Have you tried doing research on suboxone?

Here is the article or term- that sunshine speaks of:

What is the 13th Step? - AA FAQ

So that i am respectful of sunshine's feelings- OP (isntlifewonderful) - here are ways you can avoid having this happen to your gf.

attend the meeting with her. After meetings- don't socialize afterwards. Don't exchange numbers until you take the time to find a sponsor that you are certain of. My child hood friend- it took her a year of meetings before she found her sponsor- and 7 years later- they still share- that relationship- in addition to long term sobriety. Prior poster mentioned a great point- that until she was ready- she knew to look for members who were currently using- and when she was ready- she knew very well how to look for those who were serious about recovery.

I have heard nothing but good things about AA- but i have not been there. I can not say that they are from personal experience. However- I am a very attractive woman- and i work as an analyst in an investment firm. Basically- I am working in a "man's world"- and men attempt flirting with me every day. This was especially true when i was new. Sometimes they cross the line. And this is not okay. But regardless- I would not say- investment banks are where sexual predators congregate. But rather- there are a couple scum bags in them. And I know who they are. I know how to avoid them. And should they still continue to do something- that is out of my control and not my fault.

So i say again-- I am sorry about what happened to you sunshine- please PM if you would like to talk? Whatever that happened to you- is unjust and unfair- you were very young- and someone should've protected you.

Sunshine 1995, I am also very sorry you had a horrible experience in AA. I really am not trying to invalidate your experience.

However your post in this thread and in previous threads I have perceived as attacking the organization of AA as a whole and all the people in it. People are bound to get defensive if you attack the whole organization when it has helped so many and so many love it. You have not really shared your direct experience but have just thrown accusations out there. I have never heard of a pedophile facing a charge of pedophilia being forced to go to AA. Or a sex offender being charged with a sex offence being forced to go to AA. If such people are facing alcohol or drug related charges then they may very well be forced to AA. In the twenty years I have had in AA I have witnessed what we call the 13th step many times but this is the same type of behavior of men flirting and hitting on women that happens all the time. Actually the definition of the 13th step is someone hitting on a women who is new in sobriety and very vulnerable. This is very much frowned upon in the culture but it does happen. In my twenty years I have never had any one tell me hey that guy is a pedophile or sexual predator. I am sure they are there and I am sure bad things happen. In my experience it is just not a huge problem. Most people in AA men and women will tell you that romantic relationships themselves are there biggest difficulty in sobriety.

Again I am sorry for your experience.

I'm not gonna even read your reply zinco. I am about to have a breakdown again bc all the abuses I went through in AA. It is 13 pages of nothing but abuse.

Read my signature. About ppl that seek out help. I've yet to find a therapist that wasn't biased. If what all happened to me in AA, happened in a church or something I would be given nothing but compassion and empathy.

Go to YouTube and put in alcoholics anonymous protects predators.

I'm gonna to only come back here when I feel stable enough. Go ahead and invalidate me all you want now....

And I apologize to the op for making this thread about AA. It is not a safe place for anyone especially young ppl. But in Sweden they don't sentence sex offenders and violent criminals there that's true.

But I don't like the philosophy either. Try smart recovery, SOS secular recovery, women for sobriety, and others. I can't think that we'll, right now. But Google alternatives to AA.

I hope the best for you and your girlfriend op.

Sunshine and OP:

If no one's mentioned it yet, I would like to voice the idea that if the AA or NA meeting in your area turns out to be full of undesirables, sometimes other 12 step meetings draw a very different crowd. If there is a non-AA non-NA OPEN 12 step meeting, support may or may not be found there. In any case, an addict may want to avoid those who are on the 13th step until they get back with the program. If there's a predator, you may need to find another meeting and complain about him or her on the way out.

That's just trading one drug for another in my opinion

Well I don't know herion myself personally its about the only thing I never touched.

Through 15ish thought to my mid 20s I had a serious addiction to most hard drugs all at once in a completely careless way.

I do understand people talking about meetings AA etc. But one thing I do remember is there was not a hope in hell I was ever going back then and I would hurt anyone no matter how much I loved them that pushed it on me.

The comment before along the lines of accelerating rock bottom to see if they come back up has some truth to it and for me is what happened.

I don't know you or your partner but though all of my experience with drugs I had someone like you by my side and totally innocent of the complete destruction I was causing you truly have a great heart to contemplate this. My wife today is that person and I am very lucky that she stuck with me. I am also drug free for about 4-5 years.

The main thing within this is you need to look after yourself first sometimes. No matter how much I love my wife and I truly do, the drugs took 1st place for a longtime. I hit rock bottom hard and was fourtuate to have enough of 'myself' left in there somewhere to get away from it.

You may not be able to stop her. She may not be able to stop herself.

Take care and if you want to chat more I am all ears.