[Raynaadi]

K, I need experience strength and hope about ridding the fear of financial insecurity because its starting to overwhelm me.

Thanks,
Rayna

Hi Ray,
I wish I could give you help with this but I'm in the same boat. I felt better when I started saving a little bit at a time and created a nest egg for myself. That's the only thing I can think of.
Hope you find something that'll make you feel better about this.
((((((((Ray)))))))

i'm sorry Ray......i know how you feel. it's a sickish, anxious gut feeling and it's hard to work through. breathe......just try to live in the moment and know we're here for you........love you, pat

[Eva1nder]

(((((( Ray Ray )))))))

I know how you feel ... you need to find some kind of work that can now fit your lifestyle and that's not easy with the situation.

It can be overwhelming...I am unable to work and rely solely on my child support and aligmony, but in july I will no longer have health insurance and I don't know how I'm going to make it without any.

Even doctors ask me "what are you going to do"?

I have to not think of it when I can't & try to deal with it in little parts when I can.

I hope you're doing ok today....I know you have a lot on your plate.

Lotsa

[Raynaadi]

I've decided to quit playing pool. Its the only thing I can cut out.

[Raynaadi]

Well, my ex doesn't want me to have to quit pool because he knows how much I love it. So he wants to help until I have some sort of income. I am taking tonight off though. I don't feel safe being around alcohol. Yesterday I was really wishing I could drink an 18 pack. Not wanting to, just wishing I could to numb out. So I'm staying safe tonight.

My internet was in jeoprady of getting shut off but they're going to work with me. I have a week to come up with $60 to prevent loosing net and then not being here. I'm just very overwhelmed with the money situation.

I wish I could just run out and get a job, but my disability prevents finding one easily, and I am the only one who takes grandma to doctors appts and such. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed. I'm powerless over all of this and its hard to not be able to fix anything. Hanging on by a thread. It doesn't help that my medication for the MS is causing a depression. I see my neurologist on the 20th. Will probably have to get on medication. I hope it helps.

I'm using all my tools but unfortunatly need outside help for some of these issues. Just wishing I could sleep for a week and wake up and have everything be ok.

I know it will all be ok at some point, just hard to trudge along until then.

[splitimage]

Financial insecurity is hard - and I don't have any easy answers. Try to have faith that it will be ok. Have you started exploring any social assistance / income support programs in your area.

Good luck.

---splitimage

[January]

(((((((((( Rayna ))))))))))))))

I know how scary this is for you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better.

Have you applied for disability yet?

Hugs,

Jan

[undertheradar]

Ray:

I totally understand about financial insecurity.... I have experienced it many times in sobriety. Let me ask you this.... What is our source for everything??? Try well, you know the "P" word, ask and visualize abundance in all areas of your life and let me know what happens. It has worked for me when I work for it. TC, Michelle

[Raynaadi]

Yup. I turned it over and money "materialized". Internet will be fine!!! It's amazing.....

[cajun]

Ray Ray, Always here if you need me. Your friend, Randy

RAY RAY

SORRY YOU HAVE BEEEN FEELING DOWN. I WISH I COULD FIND WORDS TO HELP YOU - MY HUSBAND WAS MADE REDUNDANT AND WE LIVE ON FRESH AIR JUST ABOUT.

BUT WE PULL TOGETHER, LIKE YOU AND YOUR GRANDMA I SHOULD THINK.

I KNOW THIS IS NOT ANSWER FOR YOUR MONEY SITUATION, BUT I'D JUST LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HELPED ME VERY MUCH OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS BY JUST BEING YOU. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON RAY AND I LOVE YOU.

BY THE WAY, when I WIN THE LOTTERY YOU AND A FEW OTHERS ON HERE ARE TOP OF MY LIST LOL. (DON'T FORGET WEE WEE DAHLING LOL)

TOOTLE PIP....

[Raynaadi]

{{{{{ ~*JAX*~ }}}}}}
{{{{{ ~*FAY* }}}}}}
{{{{{ ~*EVA*~ }}}}}
{{{{{~* SPLIT*~ }}}}}
{{{{{ ~*JAN*~ }}}}}}
{{{{{ ~* RADAR *~}}}}}
{{{{{~* CAJUN*~}}}}}
{{{{{ ~*JINNY*~ }}}}}}
{{{{{ ~*PMers WHO SHALL REMAIN ANONYMOUS LOL*~ }}}}}}}}

Things have been looking up. I've made some changes in my life that are helping to reduce some of the stress and depression I have been feeling. Money has "materialized" to make sure that the important bills are paid and that I have food in the kitchen. Aside from stressing about money, I just hadn't been able to fully accept my MS diagnosis. I was trying to stay up and positive all the time, thinking that was what was best for me. But I needed to grieve, I needed to feel the anger. All the fear about money finally broke me down and I was able to feel what I needed to feel. The money situation hasn't changed, but I've been taken care of through the worst of the fear, keeping the internet on, getting gas money, etc. So I'm trying to remember to stay in the moment, and for right now, I have everything I need.

I see my neurologist Wednesday to talk about the medication possibly causing part of the depression, but I know a lot of it has been my attitude. So....for right now, I'm getting my humor back a little, getting my happiness back a little, and am trying to stay grateful. What I won't do is have fake happiness anymore. When I'm down I'm gonna come out with it, instead of stuffing all these emotions again and having it come to a head. I need to remember to ask for help. Faking happiness led me to getting closer to drinking and I didn't want to do that....so it would have been the other extreme had I not snapped out of it and been honest with how I've been feeling.

Thank you everyone who posted and PM'd me......I would be so lost without this community. I love you as though I see you for coffee every week!!!!

So.....if I revert back to "everything's fine and roses and bunnies" all the time again....and you guys never here me whine and moan, call me out on it k? LOL. The truth about how I'm feeling now is cheerful, but there's still a lot of underying anger about my life. Need to get with sponsor and soon, to do a serious inventory.

Still crossing my fingers about the online job here too.

So.....I'll end with a funny story. I went to a meeting last night and there were all kinds of sirens we could hear in the meeting. That happens a lot. Anyway, we all walk out of the meeting and there's cop cars in the parking lot. Sooo funny to see all the alcoholics see the flashing lights and freeze in our tracks....I guess old fears die hard.....LOL. You could hear people saying "I wonder if they'll let us leave......" HAHA!!!!!!!

Love you guys!!!!

~Rayna

[Raynaadi]

I meant to change the subject line on the last post, so now its changed, lol!

[splitimage]

Glad things are looking brighter. But don't worry we'll keep you on track if you start getting too cheerful

---splitimage

[Raynaadi]

LOL!! I'm throwing myself back into "le programme" full force now, did a meeting and a group conscience, then sponsor took me to lunch, doing 2 more meetings still today and hangin with my friend tonight. Gonna try to do less isolating.

ray, i've always been concerned that i wasn't hearing any "grief" in your postings about MS. my niece and a close friend have MS and they're both soldiering on and it is taking a tremendous toll on them.....i see it up close.

you bet your booty that if i hear any fakey stuff.....i'll call you out......love ya, pat

[Raynaadi]

You're absolutely right Fay.....I thought I'd better be just "up" all the time. I thought I should just be grateful that its not worse, which it could be......and I am grateful. But I have to let myself feel frustrated about it. I have to feel angry, I have to mourn the loss of my old life before "The Mess". I have to remember thats its ok to be frustrated about it. My doctors say not to get stressed, not to get depressed, so I went the opposite extreme and stuffed it all. Which turned out to be sooo much worse.

Since I had my breakdown and wished I could drink or die....since I got honest here, honest with my friends, my body hurts less......actually allowing myself to feel the depression and anger and reach another stage in the levels of grief was more helpful than being hunky dorey al the time.

So now I can honestly say that I'm doing ok and am happy, without it being a lie, because I let myself have the rough month. I just hope that I don't let myself get in that much pain again before asking for help.

To drink or die would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Its good you know you have your eye out on me.

I solemnly swear to whine and complain when I need to. Hahaha. And post more here too.

Went to 3 meetings yesterday and then my friend came over and we crocheted some and listened to silly music and laughed, and shared our sorrows and laughed some more, it was great! My sponsor has 17 years today, so I'll go to that celebration, and my friend who has about a month and half on me has 2 years today. So it's a joyous day.

(((( splitimage )))) ---- thank you for sharing your 30 days with us. Your post put the biggest smile on my face first thing when I woke up and checked the forums. You're an inspiration to me....never forget that. You have 30 LONG days of experience strength and hope. By reminding me of how hard that 30 day chip was to get, you're pushing me farther from a drink. Thank you for being of service hon, YOU ROCK!!!!!

(((((( Fayerody ))))))) ------ You've known me for quite awhile now, so you know how to call me out on my bullsh__. Thank you for all your support , and again for keeping an eye on me. Slap me if you don't see me posting.

Love you all!!!!

~Rayna

[InACorner]

Good luck!!!! My heart is with you!!!!! I wish you all the best. You have my deepest prayers and deepest love.

((((((((((((((((((((((RAY)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

love, INNY