The insanity stops today

Thanks moogs and purple_fins,

I find it helpful for me to just check in daily and report that I've survived another day sober.

Yesterday was kind of rough - still having residual withdrawal symptoms, plus side effects of getting back on my meds, So I didn't meet my friend for coffee, or accomplish much of anything.

But when I woke up, I'm feeling much better today. I hope I have a harp lesson today, still waiting for confirmation from my harp teacher. That'll be nice if it happens.

So onto day 6.

I wish the best for you.

Hello my friend - I am just seeing this now and want to give you a great big hug and say you are doing well - its a daily battle and you are getting better every day -

Please try not to dwell o the past - that's where our demons can really get a hold us -
I know that's hard to do - its much easier just to beat ourselves up about the stupid things we have done or the bad things that have happened - my point is - and you already seem to have it but I will say it Justin case today is a new day - this minute is a new minute - every second is another chance to survive and take another step in the right direction and YOU ARE doing that - I am proud of you my friend I really am

Hope you had a good day today!

hope you don't mind- I repeat this.... one step at a time.

Hey there friend!

I am just reading this for the first time too, and I battled with alcoholism for years and years. I even made it to almost 300 days sober, but I lost the battle

I have a drink and cheat every now and then. but after a while I realized this crap isn't for me. it just isn't worth it. So I haven't a drink for almost 2 weeks now. Some of us just handle it differently I guess.

But good luck to you on your journey. I am very very proud of you that you made it this far

Thanks Artchic, purple_fins, Phoenix7, and LadyShadow, I really appreciate the encouragement.

Today is Day 7, and I' m definitely taking it a day at a time.

Wound up not having a harp lesson yesterday, as my teacher had a conflict, so I went to a drop in group at my rehab. I'm glad I went, staff were relieved to see me, and to hear that I was sober, and the group itself was ok. Other than that mostly just relaxed. I'm still not back to 100%.

Today should be interesting - I have a 9 am phone assessment to get into another rehab, that actually treats concurrent disorders. I'm really hoping that I can get in. Then this afternoon I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. In between I promised my roommate that I'd clean the microwave which shouldn't take long.

I'm definitely sad about not being able to have a couple of pints of beer on a patio in the sun, any more. But I know that would just lead some place bad, and I'm determined to stay sober this time. Something just feels different.
splitimage

Hooray! I am sending good vibes that you get into that program.

moogs

Yay day 7 !

So proud of you, I hope you are proud of you too.

on a side note---wanted to let you know that I have to be gone for a bit.... H is back to square one -- it isn't safe for me home. I will try and check in when I am able.

I hope the best for you and will keep you in my wishes!

Best wishes to you! Congratulations on making it this far!

Thanks moogs, purple_fins, and LadyShadow,

Well onto day 8 and physically I'm finally feeling normal, but my brain still feels funny, I think it'll probably be at least a month before it feels normal again.

Purple_fins, so sorry things aren't safe for you at home. I hope you find someplace safe to stay and that you look after yourself.

The assessment for CAITS (name of program) was fine, although the person talking to me, didn't know anything about whether I'd be allowed to stay on the clonazepam or not, she had to refer it to the medical team who would get in touch with my psychiatrist. As for an intake date, I don't have that yet, but it will be mid July or August, which was a little later than I was hoping for. And then I got the bad news, they're changing the program from 21 days down to 2 weeks. That's crazy. For someone just out of detox it take a couple of weeks for the fog just to lift.

The medical team contacted my psychiatrist when I was in the office with him, and he said pretty categorically that I need to stay on my clonazepam, so I'm hoping that will settle the issue and they'll waive the no-benzo policy for me. I'm really glad that my psychiatrist was willing to support me, and not force me into a too rapid taper just to make CAITS happy.

in the meantime, I'm going to keep going to my group at Branson twice a week.

Day 9 today.

Had a good meeting with my addictions Dr. yesterday. We've agreed that I'll keep coming to contemplative Mon's and Fri's. and while I'm there, I'll take my anatabuse supervised by a nurse. That at least will keep me on it.

Then I'll do the 2 week CAITS program.

When I'm finished with CAITS, I'll go straight into Branon's IOP 10 week program.

Doing all that should give me a solid 5-6 months sober, after which I'll start job hunting in earnest. It's a bit scary to me, to delay job hunting for another 10 weeks, but I feel like I really need the sobriety support right now.

It's scary, but it feels good to have a plan.

splitimage

Day 11
My head is starting to feel more normal again, which I'm happy about. Will go to the Contemplative group at my rehab this afternoon, and take my antabuse supervised for the first time. Part of me feels like a wimp for needing the supervision, but I know I need to be accountable to someone because the temptaion of a cold beer on patio on a nice day, is just too strong.

Day 13 today, and my first post harp lesson lunch without beer. Fortunately it was too cold to sit on the patio, so I felt less like I was missing out. Had my diet pepsi instead. It was a lot cheaper too, which is good.

My head is starting to feel like normal, which I'm happy about,

Have contemplative again on Fri.

And I'm taking my antabuse daily and feeling good about that,

Way to go!! Keep up the good work!

Keep your goals in sight!

Thanks Michelea and Notz,

Day 14 almost in the bag. Had kind of lazy day just reading. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern until I get the CAITS intake date. Got to start doing some stuff to make me feel productive.

Going to contemplative again tomorrow and will once again take my antabuse supervised.

splitimage

Day 16 today, and am I ever glad I took my antabuse supervised yesterday, and I forced myself to take it again this morning. I woke with crazy strong urges to just check out and drink. But I don't really want to do that. I have my shift at the Distress Centre today from 12-4 and I want to make that, because doing it, always makes me feel better. So I know I'll be ok, once I get there.

Really struggling with motivation at the moment.

(((splitimage)))

Good choice SI!

You can do this!!

Thanks Moogs, Notz, and Michelea,

Day 17 today.

Made it to my shift at the Distress Centre and I'm glad I did. It was a good shift with all easy calls. But I was still struggling with wanting to drink when I got home so I went to bed early with a book.

Today I'm determined to work on cleaning up my room, and assemble a chest of drawers that I've been procrastinating on.

Hope you all have a good day.

Hang in there, you can do this!

Thanks Michelea,

Day 18 today.

Had a roughish day yesterday. Did my share of the apartment cleaning and talked to a friend and my brother. But after that couldn't be bothered, so didn't get anything done on cleaning up my room or assembling my drawers, so will have to work on that tomorrow.

Today I have a bunch of errands to run and a drop in meeting at my rehab.

Really got to work on getting motivated

Do lists help? They used to help me then I got to a place where I had disdain for them too! I relate to having a hard time getting motivated for chores & errands. A work schedule has helped me the most. I so hope you get a job!