[Calypso2632]

I've been a problem drinker for years.. trying to sober up for about 2 years now.. seriously for about 1 my Dr's office is trying to get me on meds. I went 38 days on my own and screwed up then today a week later screw up number 2.. there can't be any more.... husband has threatened to leave now with all my empty promises. I can't seem to keep up. Only 1 friend left I drink with/ used to drink with and I don't want to lose him yet can't afford weak links. I'm not sure what to do. Groups scare the **** out of me. Have an AA book. Doesn't feel right. I don't know, I don't know what I'm doing anymore...

Hi there,

I am sorry that you are struggling. Don't beat yourself up, sweetie, addiction is a disease. The good news is that you can choose to recover but only when you are ready to. It sounds like now is a good time to seriously consider it.

Do you need to detox? Doing it at home is dangerous if you drink heavily. Can you go to a detox center? You can safely detox in with medical care to get you through the withdrawal process and the stresses of daily life are on the outside.

Staying sober after detox is where the real work begins. I'm sure that people here can post about that.

You don't have to go the AA route. For starters, Google Sober Recovery forums. It's for recovering alcoholics and doesn't center around AA. There are options to keep you sober.

I'm no expert but I did self-medicate with alcohol as a way of coping with my mental illnesses, primarily bipolar disorder. The first couple of drinks were good but it was downhill causing anxiety, interfering with my meds, and worrying my family.

I realized finally that I was down a dangerous path. I went to some AA meetings but it just wasn't my thing for various reasons. It helps so many people but it just wasn't for me.

I committed to doing it on my own through family support, but I knew it was truly up to me not to pick up a drink. Here is what I did:

I committed to complete abstinence from alcohol. I told my family and that reinforced my commitment and they were supportive.

I told my partner to remove ALL alcohol from the house. I continue to never have alcohol in my home.

I wasn't one to go "partying" with friends but I decided to meet friends that drank at new places. Places where alcohol isn't served. We meet for coffee in the afternoon. No more meeting in bars at night.

My partner doesn't drink and that has been a huge help.

I had to quit going to a few of my favorite restaurants. I no longer go to a great Mexican restaurant because I always drank margaritas there.

I started spending quality time with family and resumed some hobbies I used to enjoy as well as starting new ones. I couldn't do those things drinking.

I started feeling much better and my stepdad said I looked ten years younger! My mental health improved, my relationships improved. I sometimes still want a drink but I'd just go right back to where I was. I will not go back. Just forward. I forgave myself and let go of the guilt.

Keeping alcohol out of my environment and fully accepting the fact that I can never drink again keeps me sober. I rarely think about alcohol now. Keeping it out of my environment is key for me and how my relationships with my family are enriched now that I am present, not disconnecting with alcohol.

You can do it. I hope this helps. xo

[splitimage]

Hi Calypso,

Stopping drinking is tough. It's something I've been struggling with for 11 years (don't follow my example).

I second the suggestion of going to detox - detoxing on your own is horrible and can be dangerous. I've had two withdrawal seizures. And then would treatment be an option? Either residential or intensive outpatient. Treatment can give you initial support, and tools to deal with cravings and high risk situations. It really helps. There are also medications now that help reduce cravings, or as a last ditch resort Antabuse, which makes you very sick if you drink. I'm currently taking it. Talk to your Dr. about medication options.

There are alternatives to AA. I was very active in AA for a few years, and I will say it did help me, but eventually I couldn't rationalize the disconnect between some of their core beliefs and mine anymore. I've found great support from Women for Sobriety and actively use their program of recovery. You can google them.

I'll admit I'm struggling to stay sober, but when I'm honest, I feel so much better with no hangovers, and no guilt about drinking. And I'm saving money.

You can get sober. If I can, anybody can.

Just take it one day at a time, and commit to not drinking for this 24 hour period.

splitimage

[Calypso2632]

I've been up all night thinking since I posted this.. I agree that no alcohol needs to be a rule in my house and my husband doesn't drink so that's an easy step. Before I had drinks I told others this is now an alcohol free zone. I've also asked my friends to do sober stuff with me from now on too. Tea, meals, drives, etc... I guess I'm just worried about the strong cravings that hit, and I ask my husband for permission putting him in a ****** spot and sometimes he will say yes. I need to get so I don't ask him... or him to be strong enough to say no if he is threatening to leave me over it. I know I don't have a very good support system in place. That's scary. I know what I need to do but need resolve and supports in place to run with it. I'm tired of trashing my body. And I'd also like to sober up for some health concerns. Mental and physical. I have a lot of incentives. .. so why is this so hard??

[Calypso2632]

I am a part of women for sobriety tho haven't been on in a while, and detox is a no.. I have no insurance. Plus I've only drank 2x in the last 52 days. Binges tho. A half gallon split between 2. After about a week the cravings will come back with a vengeance and I need to buckle down and get support on bad evenings. My doc is trying to get me on Campral. I'm hoping it comes in. It's like another support post in my foundation.

Hi, that's awesome...your H doesn't drink and no alcohol in the house. That is HUGE.

Next, tell him NOT to enable you in the event you are craving and ask him to go buy alcohol. Also, tell him you need love and emotional support while you do this....I hope you are not getting lectured every day with ultimatums of him leaving. You need support and no enabling. I think ultimatums are bad in general - encourage him to support you, not threaten you.

I looked at your profile and I see you also have bipolar disorder. That may factor into why this is so hard for you. Us bipolar folks are notorious for self-medicating or going manic where all rules go by the wayside. Are you in treatment for your bipolar disorder? How's your mood state. Bipolar 1 or 2?

I'm not trying to give you the third degree, just help. The bipolar forum is great - stop by if you want. Some people are not on meds, a lot are, some people are drinking, most aren't. Everyone is nice and it's always active. Never a dull moment and I guarantee you there's nothing that you can tell us that will shock us where we would ever judge you - we have been there, done that, got the tshirt. Ugh lol. And we post about it all, too. Come on over with a nonalcoholic drink sometime. We will support your endeavor to get sober over there, too.

I hope you don't mind the levity. I have faith in you, you can do this.

[notz]

I did use Alcoholics Anonymous and it helped me a lot. I went to meetings for 10 years and then I broke away from them. I am grateful for AA, it gave me a place to go to understand how to be without alcohol day in and day out. It is a tool that's there if you want or need it. Good luck!